What JOKE is stuck in your head?

[aprilcat 0]

Here's Mine..

An old man is sitting on his porch watching the day go by when a boy comes up the dirt road dragging some chicken wire.
'Hey you, BOY!, Where you going with that Chicken Wire???' 'I'm a-goin' to get me some chickens!'. The old man laughs at him and says 'you can't get no chickens with chicken wire...'
Near sunset, the boy comes back up the dirt road, dragging about 30 chickens behind him. "I'll be danged", said the old man.

The next morning, the same kid comes down the street dragging some duct tape. 'Hey you, BOY!, where you goin with that duct tape???' The boy replies, 'I'm a-going to get me some ducks' The old man laughs at him and says 'Danged fool! you can't get no ducks with duct tape!'
Near sunset the boy comes back up the road dragging duct tape and about 20 ducks..all tangled and stuck. 'Dang!!' says the old man.

The next morning the man is sitting on his porch and he sees the boy walking up the road dragging a bunch of pussy willows behind him. "Hey you, BOY! Wait for me, I'll get my hat."

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[Aviatrr 0]

The duct tape joke...definitely...it's one of the first things I heard from a specific freak at Mardi Gras..

Mike

[ifall 0]

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them
flat and said "Well, we're not gonna have any of that sh*t in our garden."

[dropoutdave 0]

What do you call 4 lesbians in a wardrobe?


A licker cabinet.

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May Contain Nut traces......

[kansasskydiver 0]

Quote

The duct tape joke...definitely...it's one of the first things I heard from a specific freak at Mardi Gras..

Mike

damn you!!! I just opened up this thread thinkgin "oh man i got the best one" and you already put it up!!!!

you just ruined my day lol

<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist!

[DShiznit 0]

A Pollack walks into a bar with a big ol' pile of shit in his hands and says, "Hey, look what I almost stepped in!"

[DShiznit 0]

You posted the other one I was thinking of...

Glen: How many Pollacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen: Nope, it takes three.
[Glen laughs. H.I. doesn't]
Glen: Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over: How come it takes three Pollacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen.
Glen: 'Cause they're so darn stupid!
[Glen laughs again. H.I. doesn't]
Glen: Shit, man, loosen up! Don't ya get it?
H.I.: No, Glen, I sure don't.
Glen: Shit, man, think about it! I guess it's what they call a "way homer."
H.I.: Why's that?
Glen: 'Cause you only get it on the way home.
H.I.: I'm already home, Glen.

[Yoshi 0]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to
roll my own ............ so does she.

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this space for rent.

[airdweller 0]

How can you tell if a girls jeans are too tight?






Read her lips.

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"From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant,
who doesn't enjoy a good sit?" C. Montgomery Burns

[flyangel2 2]

Okay, since Sunny isn't here, I'll post. thought I could have sworn I already posted to this thread

Want to buy a duck?

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[Billy 0]

A man is in a nasty accident & almost has his penis cut off, the surgeons try an experimental grafting until they can perfect the technique. He gets the last part of an elephant trunk to keep things working until a penis donor comes along.
Couple months later he's at dinner with a nurse he met. Nice Italion restaurant, candles, music. She starts to massage his leg, and he get's aroused. He's really glad things appear to be working like they should. She unzips his fly, and he gets nervous. All of the sudden his pecker is on the table, grabs a bread roll and disapears!!
"Wow!" she say's, totally impressed, "Can you do that again??"
He replies "Sure, but I don't think my asshole can take another bun right now..."

Natural Born FlyerZ.com

[ifall 0]

Nice one!!!


A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ''ROARRRR!''"

[BBKid 0]

Works best in a northern English accent (think John Lennon)

Dracula was lurking in an alley, waiting for his next victim. As he saw a pretty young virgin walking past (wasn't set in Liverpool then), he jumped out, but as he was about to stike, a sausage roll hit him in the head. He was confused by this, but carried on in his ill-fated attack. The next second, some vol-au-vents splattered into his face, and blinded, he tripped over a Scotch egg that had leaped into his path. As he lay on the ground, some cheesy pineapple hurled itself from a tree and the cocktail stick pierced the undead fiend's heart, consigning him to hell forever.

Police are looking for buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Nick
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"I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

[Aviatrr 0]

Quote

damn you!!! I just opened up this thread thinkgin "oh man i got the best one" and you already put it up!!!!

you just ruined my day lol

Well I didn't tell the joke...just mentioned the subject of it..

I'm sure many people don't know it...go ahead..tell it..they're all waiting..

Mike

[turtlespeed 226]

yes, yes we are

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[sdgregory 0]

A boy gets on a public bus and sits next to a man with his collar on backwards. The boy asks him why his collar is on backwards.

The man, a priest, says, "I am a father."

The boy says, "My dad is a father and he does not wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "I am a father of many."

"So's my dad. I have 5 brothers and four sisters," says the boy.

"I am a father of hundreds," says the priest.

The boy then replies, "Maybe you should be wearing your pants backwards instead."

[ChasingBlueSky 0]

Wanna buy a duck?

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you can burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me....
I WILL fly again.....

[Sheenster303 0]

What do you call a one-legged lady?

Eileen

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm so funny I crack my head open!

P.M.S. #102

[bch7773 0]

I took this from an email i got.

A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions. The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Mahon replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.” “I can’t print that,” said the reporter, “Is there another event that made you really happy?” Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.” Again the reporter knew he couldn’t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?” Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once.”

MB 3528, RB 1182