Need education advice for daughter

[DTOXX 0]

OK, I am once again having trouble with my daughter and her NOT doing homework. Her test scores are down and she just doesn't seem to get the message that school is important.

She is trying to tell me its OK because she can go to junior college for 2 years and then transition into a 4 year program. I have tried to explain that if she is not going homework now that she will most likely NOT do the work in college.

Can I get some 'outside' comments from my fellow skydivers on the importance of education please? I plan to print this thread and have her read it. (BTW she is 16)

Thanks!

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D.T. Holder
SIMstudy

[Faber 0]

As your still her dad i would surgest,that you pull the hard line,simply tell her that theres no partyes,no hobbyes and no fun as long she dont do her home work,IF you show her that you mean it,im sure she will start doing her home work,and find out that if she does it soon as she get home,that it aint that bad,and often can be made really fast.

Your right,she will NOT do it later if she dont do it now..

my gf´s boy(10 years)did somthing similar until i gave him these rules.He now found out that he has to do home work less than 1 hour a day,and more often he does it by him self,so he can get out and play.He also found out that if he make the home work in work days he then gets more time to get out in the wekends.

How ever here in DK it gets dark pretty soon in vinter time,at that point we did alow him to go out and play untill it went dark,aslong as he did the home work soon as he get in.

You have to make your own rules,and they will be respected aslong as its the same rule all the time(ie.the kid has to make the home work each day).

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[Nightingale 0]

Ok. As a former teacher, and someone who is finishing up a master's in education this semester (last class! whew!) this is what I'd suggest:

Get her a tutor. If her test scores are dropping, that is indicating a lack of understanding of the material, which may be causing her frustration with homework, ie. struggling to finish it, then giving up because she can't do it anyway, and then eventually deciding not to try.

I would strongly discourage negative punishments. They give kids a negative attitude towards school. Instead, try a system of positive rewards to work towards something she really wants. (ie, one week of complete homework = you'll pay for her and her friend to go to the movies, one month complete homework = something bigger that she really likes doing). Call the teachers and make an arrangement that every friday, either you will call them or they will call you, and you will get a homework completion report from them.

Talk to the office and see if they have a daily report program (kids write down homework and classwork, teacher signs off, kid brings paper home to parents). If they have that program, put her on it. If not, talk to each teacher, and implement something like it.

oh, and, pay her for grades. A lot of parents don't like to do that, but it works. Its also very reflective of the real world. You work hard, you get paid. For so long, kids have been expected to work hard just for pats on the back. We adults wouldn't work our tails off doing something we didn't really like just for an "atta boy!", so why do we expect our children to? I've seen kids' grades jump a full GPA point when their parents started paying them.

Some things I've seen parents use:

$5 for every A on a regular test.
$10 for every A on a midterm/final
$50 for every A on a report card
$20 for every A- on a report card
$10 for every B+ on a report card

Straight Bs are expected, and not paid.

If the grades become a serious problem, you could dock her allowance by a few dollars for every C or below, but again, I'd discourage the negative consequences except in extreme cases.

[misskriss 0]

I would take away most things of importance to her if she chooses not to do her homework. Phone, friends, tv, music, car... whatever it is that trips her trigger. Tell her that she is looking for an easy way out by wanting to skate through highschool with hopes of getting her act together in a Junior College. As I told my daughter the day she entered highschool.. this is it. Everything you do now will be looked at for the rest of your life. LOL..(insert dramatic music here) How you perform now is a good indicator of how you will perform in college and your future career. Tell her that JC is definitely not going to be easier than highschool and if she isn't doing the work now, then what is going to motivate her to do it then? Tell her that I wish I was 16 again, because I would go back and study so much harder. Tell her she is lucky that she has the most important thing anyone could have... she has time..and she has a future. Make the most of this that is your life. Tell her to never settle.

[skybytch 273]

I'd tell her not to worry about it. College isn't important. McDonald's is pretty much always hiring, and they're everywhere.

[misskriss 0]

Quote

Get her a tutor. If her test scores are dropping, that is indicating a lack of understanding of the material, which may be causing her frustration with homework, ie. struggling to finish it, then giving up because she can't do it anyway, and then eventually deciding not to try.

I would strongly discourage negative punishments. They give kids a negative attitude towards school. Instead, try a system of positive rewards to work towards something she really wants. (ie, one week of complete homework = you'll pay for her and her friend to go to the movies, one month complete homework = something bigger that she really likes doing). Call the teachers and make an arrangement that every friday, either you will call them or they will call you, and you will get a homework completion report from them.

Now this I definitely agree with... If the child is seriously having problems with the curriculum then punishing them is not the answer... but I do know some kids that would just rather not do the work and are in fact lazy about it. It totally depends on what is going on with the child.

[pleifer 0]

Tell her the reason of making up for it in a junior college is BS!!!
The reason I say this is I did not fully appreciate school as she is now. Matter of fact I figured that hell I met all the requirements what does it matter. I took all the hard classes my freshman and sophomore year. You know algebra geometry, college prep English…I was on the speech and debate team… now junior and senior year I f-off….
It was like math well I already have the requirements for graduation so why bust ass with harder levels… same with science…. And the English I was thinking that why take the harder classes??? There is easier teachers available…
Well I have news for her………… making it up in community college is just that….
And it is an extreme waste of time and money!!!! I know I did it… Having to take sub college math and English to get my skills back to par….
For what it is worth I graduated HS with a 3.4gpa. so grade is not all of it…
Make sure she is taking the classes that prepare her for college…
Another thing I had to make up in college was my foreign language req…. waste of time and money….
Maybe this will appeal to her….. While I was trying to play catch-up my buddies were having a blast at the universities…. 3 and a half years after starting the community college I have an associate degree…. That is how long it took to catch back up…. Also was working full time and then some… because I did not get fin aid… or scholarships… so that means me paying for it!
Long but I hope she does not make the same mistakes I did…..
BTW… I am now at the U of O with 4 more terms till graduating from the business program… Universities are sooooooo much more fun!!!
No lecture from me.... just hoping others do not make the same mistakes I did.

_________________________________________
The Angel of Duh has spoke

[nightjumps 1]

She can choose not to bring her grades up and continue down her current path. What makes this country great is the, "Freedom to Choose." The "Freedom to Choose;" is the freedom to choose unwisely.

[lewmonst 0]

i agree, some kids shut down doing work rather than admit they don't understand. Especially in class, many kids will not ask the questions they need to. Are her teachers approachable? if not, the tutor is a good idea. It may take a while, but hopefully a good tutor will make her feel comfortable so she can get the answers she needs and not be embarrassed. you also may have to try out a few tutors until you find one she is comfortable with. and if you really think she gets it and it's just laziness, try the reward system. it's worthwhile. we often think kids should be internally motivated to work because it's a right of passage... But how many of us would do our jobs if we didn't get a paycheck? The reward system is used everywhere else, why not try it with kids in school. It doesn't have to be huge, but little things. Everything Nightingale suggested is good.

Or you can let her get a job at McDonalds and wait for her to come crying back. What grade is she in now? Has she ever had a job? Summer work?

peace
lew

http://www.exitshot.com

[quade 4]

Ask her what she wants to do when she is out in the real world.

A person at 16 has the opportunity to become pretty much anything they are mentally and physically capable of doing.

At 16, if she really wanted to, she could start to lay out a plan to become a doctor, a commercial jet pilot, an animal research scientist -- just about anything. Finances are not the issue. It's focus and determination.

She can look at it like climbing a tree. Basic education is like climbing the tree trunk. Pretty much everyone does that. As she gets to the first branch of the tree, she'll either be able to continue climbing or she'll get forced out on to one of the lower branches.

16 is a GREAT place to be. I wish someone had sat me down and MADE me make a plan at 16. I didn't really fully understand the concept until one day I found myself beyond an age where people would accept me into certain programs. It sucked.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[DTOXX 0]

Thanks to everyone how has contributed thus far.

She has been grounded to her room for about 3 weeks already. I had threatened in the past to remove everything that offers joy to her live if her situation does not improve. Well yesterday I received a notice from her school that directly contradicts everything she has told me about getting her work completed and her exams.

She is now in the process (and I mean at this moment) packing everything (and I mean everything) in her room that is not clothing or school related. I purchases large plastic tubs from Wal-Mart (damn I hate that place) and if she needs more they have plenty.

She asked me if she could keep her posters on the wall. I am still considering an answer.

I am taking NO PLEASURE in this but she has done nothing to improve her grades and I feel she has used the last 3 weeks as a way to "take a break". From what I do not know as she does not have a job or any real responsibilities. She is a great kid though and I refuse to give up on helping her excel.

Anyway, thanks again for the input so far. As I stated I will print this out, most likely tomorrow, and present it to her. Maybe if she can "hear" others input it might sink in. I am after all "just her dad" so therefore I know nothing.

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D.T. Holder
SIMstudy

[Michele 1]

I have a different approach, and maybe that's because I haven't got children.

Right now, school is her job. Same as you. You have a job that you go to for 40 (+) hours a week, and so does she. What would happen if you didn't do your job well? You'd be canned. And then you'd have to start all over at the bottom rung, in a new job, once you've landed a new job.

Are there things in your job you don't like? Tell her about them. Compare what you don't like with what she doesn't like. Show her how you handle it, what works for you. Does that filing you hate that must be done anyway get done first? Or last? No big deal either way, just that it gets done, right? because if not, then you lose your job.

Same thing with her. Her job has parts she likes, and parts she doesn't. What sort of plan does she have to handle the parts she doesn't like? Does she do them first -get them out of her way - or last - as a relief that "that's done with, no more worries until tomorrow....".

Let her know the consequences of her choice...JC isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's harder than high school. It's boring. But like the person who stated education is like a tree, that's exactly right. What is her plan?

Also, I'd look into other factors, like extracurricular activities and who she hangs out with. Sometimes, they have more of an effect on what's going on than you'd realize.

This is the time when she needs you most. Be there for her, help her find her way through all of this, but also remember that you're the parent, and she's still the child...

And best to you and her....and if she is indeed reading, honey, do what you know is right. Sometimes, it's a whole lot easier to skip the homework part, but it isn't beneficial. It won't work. It's hard to see the long term effects, I know, but they will happen. You have the choice right now - right now - to make the difference in your life. Choose wisely, choose carefully, and realize that you will have the rest of your life to think about this choice...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[gary350 0]

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I'd tell her not to worry about it. College isn't important. McDonald's is pretty much always hiring, and they're everywhere.

You know, there may be some real wisdom here. Has your daughter ever worked a shit job for minimum wage? It not, maybe it's time she got a taste - even for just a few weeks. Then you could sit down with her and her paycheck and make a real-world budget for how it would be to work full time for low wages and be out on her own.

Pretty stark reality to actually experience doing work like that for so little money and having to budget for and imagine living a life under those conditions. Then factor in having kids and hobbies and travel and planning for retirement. . .

Then you could do a what-if scenario - take the starting salaries of a nurse, accountant, teacher, etc. Compare and contrast working conditions, vacation, self-respect, life purpose, retirement planning. . . .

Just a thought. . . The main thing would be to have her actually do the work, at least for a while, to really experience it for herself rather than just imagine it. Sometimes it is hard for us watching our kids make decisions we know they probably wouldn't make if they only knew what we know.

But of course, that's how it works, which in general is not a bad thing - lessons are often better learned through experience than through being told. Only problem of course, is when options get shut off or irrevocable consequences come out of the process of gaining that experience.

Tough line to walk and very personal. Good luck - and to me as well with my not-so-little monsters.

[Tink1717 2]

How's this:
I am trapped in a dead end job that I hate. This is in nosmall part because I got out of high school with a 1.4 average. I had to do FOUR years at community college just to get to a level where I could get accepted into a university. Then, I was denied all financial aid that was based on merit (grades,GPA, etc...), so I had to fork over 28K out of my own pocket. Now I am at least ten years behind the rest of the world in where I should be, and would be, had I just put in a tiny bit of effort at the high school level. But you couldn't tell me that then either. All that was important to me then was not looking like I was one of the nerds that thought school was cool. Now I have to work for those very same nerds, even though I can think circles around them and can do their jobs much better than they can. Bit e the bullet, pay attention in class and stop trying to piss you parents off. There will be plenty of time for that when you get to university.

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[Faber 0]

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She has been grounded to her room for about 3 weeks already.

She should be abel to catch up the lost part of home work in that time i belive

Kid( dont know your name so sorry),please use your grounding for somthing good,try to figure why your dad does as he does and why we says as we does..
We all were in your place once,im only 11 years older than you and i can rember how much i hatede my parents for exact the thing your getting right now... But as you get older(and now i sound like your OLD dad) you will see there were a reason for the actions he is taking.Hope you got your lesson,and make sure you dont get such a punishment again,becours that just sucks BIG time

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[gary350 0]

Quote

Quote

She has been grounded to her room for about 3 weeks already.

She should be abel to catch up the lost part of home work in that time i belive

Kid( dont know your name so sorry),please use your grounding for somthing good,try to figure why your dad does as he does and why we says as we does..
We all were in your place once,im only 11 years older than you and i can rember how much i hatede my parents for exact the thing your getting right now... But as you get older(and now i sound like your OLD dad) you will see there were a reason for the actions he is taking.Hope you got your lesson,and make sure you dont get such a punishment again,becours that just sucks BIG time

HEY KID! This is a first-hand example of why you should work hard in school! Just take a look at Faber, here. He worked hard in school and went to college and just LOOK at how well it paid off in the grammar and spelling department!

You wouldn't want to miss out on your education and then end up posting on some internet board and come across looking like some kinda ijit, now would ya? That's not the path Faber took!


OK - I'm just kidding. Faber has a very good reason to not have such great grammar and spelling in English. He is a BASE jumper. That explains a LOT.


OK - I'm just kidding again. The REAL reason is that he is a furaner. He really ought to be commended - English is not even his native tongue, yet he does as well with it as our own president! Maybe better.

[DShiznit 0]

I grew up with a strict father who instilled how important a good education is. Too bad I didn't listen and pissed away classes all through HS. I really wished I would have listened.

Now I'm married with a child, and trying to fit college in now rather than sooner when I should have is killing me. I've been lucky so far, I have a very nice paying job, but I had to work harder than those around me with a BA or BS......

Nowadays even garbage collectors have to have some sort of a degree.....

[Faber 0]

you crack me up

but yes sorry i only had 3 years of english in shool,and only after i startede here i get some practice again

Then you should listen to me as i speak,poor mac as i visited him in UKBut its great fun to learn.

Gary be sure to hook up if you x my part of the world

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[gary350 0]

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you crack me up

but yes sorry i only had 3 years of english in shool,and only after i startede here i get some practice again

Then you should listen to me as i speak,poor mac as i visited him in UKBut its great fun to learn.

Gary be sure to hook up if you x my part of the world

Glad you got my humor. You bet I'll look you up if/when I get to Northern Europe. Do the same if you come to the PNW (Pacific NorthWest - Oregon). I never became a hard-core BASEer and quit entirely some time ago, but still know where some stuff is. . .

[Faber 0]

Im sure you can some great storryes anyway

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[gary350 0]

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Nowadays even garbage collectors have to have some sort of a degree.....

That's Sanitation Technician to you, buddy.

Actually good points about it being sooooo much easier to get your education early on, before mortgages, kids, etc. . .

[wendybird 0]

Lots of good things here. My two cents:
I was your daughter at one point in my life. I didn't give a s*** about school, and there wasn't much anyone could do to "make" me get good grades.
However, there was a person back then that planted a seed in my head about how stupid I actually wasn't (I spent a bit of time in and out of foster homes and was taken full custody of in my mid teens), but they knew then (though I didn't) that I needed to experience a bit of life before I went to college. Hell. I never even thought I'd go to college back then. I just wanted *out*. You could say they let me go, but it's more like I ran as far as I could when I turned 18.
Bottom line is: someone in my past made some simple statements that were contrary to everything else I thought or thought I knew. If it weren't for that person(s), I would never have made it to working my way towards my 3rd and 4th degree and crying over an A- as a 30-something year old.
Someone told me I could when everyone else said I couldn't. No matter what she chooses or does, just keep verbally expressing your faith in her. Ultimately, her success or failure is up to her. having you as her cheerleader can only be a plus.

Wendy
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used u

[kallend 2,108]

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OK, I am once again having trouble with my daughter and her NOT doing homework. Her test scores are down and she just doesn't seem to get the message that school is important.

She is trying to tell me its OK because she can go to junior college for 2 years and then transition into a 4 year program. I have tried to explain that if she is not going homework now that she will most likely NOT do the work in college.

Can I get some 'outside' comments from my fellow skydivers on the importance of education please? I plan to print this thread and have her read it. (BTW she is 16)

Thanks!

I don't think there's a whole lot you can do. At 16, kids think they know everything, and coercion or punishment will just make the attitude worse.

JC is not a solution. There will a be a lot of students there with the same attitude she has. A lot of the better 4 year colleges won't accept transfer credits from JC either.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[tearseyes 0]

well i will say this i pissed away high school and i'm 23 making minium wage with a crappy car that needs a ton of work but i can't afford to pay for it. I had the chance to go to college and screwed that up by flunkin out. I live with my parents on the couch b/c we have no room for me...Listen to your dad and get school done the sooner the better and get a real job that u are going to like cause in this world money is starting to be a big deal and u can't get by without it. Your dad is smart listen to him.

[moodyskydiver 0]

Well, tell your daughter to call,PM,IM or email me.I'd be happy to tell her about my experience.

I made pretty good grades in high school but never made an effort to do my best.I was a mediocre student when I didnt put any effort into it,but I could have saved myself so much trouble had I buckled down in high school.

I went to a junior college in my hometown and because I had such bad study habits lurking from high school it was rough and I ended up dropping out twice before I stuck to it. Because of that I've been struggling to bring my GPA up high enough to get accepted to a university.One of the big reasons I've quit skydiving is to focus on school.

Another VERY important reason for good grades is Financial Aid.Education doesnt come cheap and if your grades arent good you're going to miss out on alot of opportunities for financial aid.Because I dropped out and let my grades go to crap I lost all my financial aid funding.Trust me, funding can be a blessing if you've made the grade or it can be hell if you end up on the short end of the stick.If I hadnt screwed around and actually made an effort in high school I would have had it much easier with my early college experiences.

Its taken me 2 years of busting my ass to get my academic life squared away but it has finally paid off. Two week ago I got my acceptance letter to Sam Houston State University, which is one of the top 3 leading institutions for my academic major.

I'm 21 years old and I've gone through so many unnecessary setbacks to get where I am today.I know it might not seem like what you do in high school will affect you after graduation, but it does.It seems like the world after high school is so many years away,but it will be here quicker than you realize.Take the time now to work hard and it will pay off when you get to college.It will make things so much easier for you.Good luck and take care.

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."