Favourite Simpsons quotes

[peacefuljeffrey 0]

Mr. Burns, in a Grinch impersonation: "Look at them all through the darkness I'm bringing -- they're not sad at all! They're actually singing! They sing without juicers... They sing without blenders... They sing without Flungers, Cap-dabblers and Smendlers!"

Martin: "I would have thought that being in the center of a nuclear explosion would have killed him!"
Bart: "Now you know better!"

Marge: "Homey, just this once... would you mind-"
Homer: "Cutting my nails? Brushing my teeth?"
Marge: "Would you wear the Mr. Plow jacket?"
Homer: "Our forecast calls for flurries of passion, followed by extended periods of 'gettin' it on!'"

Grandpa: "We can't bust heads like we used to -- but, we have our ways. One way is tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I took the ferry over to Morganville -- which is what they called Shelbyville at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em! 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. So, I tied an onion to my belt -- which was the style at the time. Now, you couldn't get white onions, because of the war. All you could get were those biiig yellow ones..."

Homer: "OOH! SUPER-FUN-HAPPY SLIDE!!!"
Lisa: "Da-a-a-d!"
Homer: "Oh, alright. I guess killing will be fun enough!"

Homer: "The only way to kill a vampire, is with a wooden stake through the heart!"
Lisa: "Um, Dad? That's his crotch."

Ralph: "Mr. Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy!"
Homer: "Yeah, they'll do that."

Old lady neighbor: "That's my brother, Asa. He died in the war... held a grenade too long..."

Homer: "Son, a woman is a lot like... a refrigerator. Six feet tall... about 300 pounds... they make...ice. No, waitaminute, a woman is more like a beer! They look good; they smell good; you'd step over your own mother just to get one... But you can't stop at one! You want to drink another woman!"

Homer: "Sszo then I says to him, 'You want that munney, come and finnd it... 'cauz I don't know where it isz, ya baloney!"

Adam West: "The only real Cat Woman was Lee Meriwether, Julie Newmar, and Eartha Kitt! And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore? Remember the Batusi? Oooh, chaa, umm, chaaa...!"

Mr. Burns: "Alive, we'll put him on Broadway. Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the army!"

Native: "Mosee tatupu! Mosee tatupu!"
Marge: "What's he saying?"
Mr. Burns: "Uh, he's saying, 'We wouldn't dream of sacrificing the blue-haired woman!'"

Homer: "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

Homer: "I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T! uhhI mean S-M-A-R-T!"

Homer: "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you got for the bathroom!"

Marge: "Ooh, look, we got a free sample of Lemontine!"
Homer: "Oooh, give it here, Marge!"

Marge: "Homer, that's dishwashing liquid!"
Homer: "Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?"

Troy: "Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such thrillers as, "Dial M, for Murderousness, and The Erotic Adventures of Hercules."

Skinner: "Hmph. That's two independent-thought alarms in one day!"
Willie: "I TOLD ya that colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!"

Lyle Lanley: "No sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine, bona fide electrified six-car monorail!"
"I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, and by gum it put them on the map!"

Robert Goulet: "Are you sure this is the casino? I'd better call my manager..."
Nelson: "Your manager says for you to shut up!"
Goulet: "Vera said that??"

Homer: "Relax, Marge: it's just our life's savings -- I'm not going to go into hock for this!"

Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns... I believe you have a letter for me?"
Postal clerk: "Okay, sure thing Mr. Burns... ahh, what's your first name?"
Homer: "I - don't - know..."

Homer: "When I was your age, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. Doctors thought I might have brain damage..."
Bart: "Uhh, dad, is there a point to this story?"
Homer: "I like stories..."

Lisa's Orthodontist: "This one is the scraper... this one is the poker... and this happy little fellow we call the gouger."
"Hold still, while I GAS you!"
Dr.: "These pre-date stainless steel, so you can't get them wet!"

Yep, all from memory. Sick, huh? That's why I can't work for NASA or something, I guess. Brain cell allocation mostly spoken-for.

-Jeffrey
"With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!"

[Peej 0]

When Homer goes in search of the Dalai Lama

DL: You have three questions...

HS: Are you really the Dalai Lama?

DL: Yes

HS: Really?

DL: Yes

HS: Really?

DL: Yes...that's three questions, thank you, you may go...



Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

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