Gains vs. Losses

[chaoskitty 0]

I am sometimes a bit overwhelmed by the huge losses we experience in our small world of skydiving. Not just losing friends to fatalities, which is by far the most devastating, but losing friendships, relationships, etc. You even feel for people that you dont know at all.

At the same time, I'm overwhelmed by what I've gained from it. You cant lose friends that you never made in the first place. You cant have withdrawls from emotions that you never experience. Sometimes you'd rather crawl in a hole and die than suffer or worry another moment, but what kind of life is that? You have to take risks in life to make any sort of progress. Am I right? Or am I talking out of my ass?

I'm interested in your thoughts.

[diablopilot 2]

Life, and experiencing it is gain in my opinion. As much as the passing of those we love, and care about feels like loss, I think we gain something from every experience.

To paraphrase someone:

Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[Lee03 0]

Don't know quite how to vote on this one. Seems losses are balanced out by gains, sometime, then at other times, the gains are negated by the losses. i just don't know Sorry.

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To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.

--Nevil Shute, Slide Rule

[quade 4]

Yin and Yang.

You can not have one without the other.

My favorite song when I'm feeling down?

It Only Makes Me Laugh

And sometimes I do laugh at misfortune. Usually it's really hard, but if you can find -something- it really does help.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[mcneill79 0]

My motto for life is "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

For everything I've dealt with... skydiving fits into that, but take it with a grain of salt.. b/c my normal life has been a lot harder than anything I've dealt with while skydiving.

[nbblood 0]

Wouldn't suffer the tremendous losses without the tremendous gains that precede. Sometimes we take for granted the great friends we have because of the sport until they're hurt or gone.

Another motto: "Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all"

God, that sounds cheezy.....oh well.
Nathan

Blues,
Nathan

If you wait 'til the last minute, it'll only take a minute.

[beowulf 1]

Its better to die doing something you love then to die having done nothing you really want to do for fear of failure or death.

[Amanda965 0]

Just like someone else said Yin and Yang. It is a term that is applied to pretty much everything, just in different terminology.

You only live once, so why not do what makes you happy? If someone chose not to skydive due to the losses of the sport, then that might mean that they just dont love it enough. I have asked my friends before what they would do if someone close to them died jumping, would they continue to jump? A,most everyone says yes, just because we know that is what the person who died would want us to do.

Compare skydiving to other things that you do in your life. There are gains and losses to everything, but you choose to do those either out of necessity or because the benefits outweigh the losses to you.

Blue skies and SAFE landings!
~Amanda~

[Jarcie 0]

Interesting question...

I firmly believe that we have to open ourselves to pain and risk in order to live. Otherwise we're not living, just existing. But everyone knows what his or her own limits are, and what risks he or she is willing to take at a given point in life. Then again, I haven't been in the sport long enough to know personally anyone who's gone in.

This question resonates with me right now, not just because I worry that something could happen to someone I care about, or to me, but because I've been looking at how skydiving has impacted the rest of my life, and I'm trying to strike a balance.

This past weekend (and Friday & Monday), I was sick. Not badly ill, but enough to keep me home, and I consider that my body gave me a gift. I started to re-focus on some of my other goals and re-establish contact with people I haven't seen in a while. Since I started learning to skydive, I've been neglecting these things. Even when I don't make it to the DZ for a few weeks, I'm distracted and unfocused, even at work. I don't think it's a sustainable situation.

I don't want to give up skydiving, but don't want to lose the other things that are important to me, either. I think -- I hope -- I can have both. Or at least be more deliberate in what I choose to risk or give up.

Why do most skydivers stay in the sport only a few years? Maybe because they do it only as long as the trade-offs are worth it to them?

[diverdriver 5]

A friend once told me that he had lost more to skydiving than it would ever give him. I tend to agree. But then I do think about the cool things I've seen. Personal growth. People's ability to overcome fear and experience something new. Coaching people, taking them on their first jump, is something that is truly unique. Getting to jump with a newbie for their first 100 jumps and teach them something. To encourage them to do better and then encourage them to not be so tough on themself for not flying like Peter Pan. It's all part of it.

Skydiving has allowed me to see things few humans ever get to see. I don't know what kind of person I would be without having had those experiences. Soooo....I dunno.

Chris Schindler
www.diverdriver.com
ATP/D-19012
FB #4125

[jdthomas 0]

ChaosKitty
You have opend us to a daunting question that I think alot of us ask ourselves.

In my first years of skydiving I was very selfish and the skydive lifestyle had me, and I spent all my time going to the DZ, talking about skydiving and thru that I messed up a few good relationships, missed so many family events and just spent every dime I had at the DZ.
I would say that maybe I missed alot of the life that I once new but gained in my new skydive life.
Jumping took me places where my previous life left off and that made me feel that I had gains, and some of those where true gains, however in retrospect ditching a girlfriend to go do a certin jump was really a loss.

It has been very hard to balance gains and loss, in the last few years doing tandems my gain has been good as I get to take people to there dreams and help them accomplish something.
But I also stay at home some weekends now, and when I had a girlfriend I spent time with her, left the DZ a bit early to be with family and friends.

The gain and loss crosses my mind more and more now then ever before, it the years of jumping and the desire to do other things that I have put off.

Great question and now I am going to be thinking about this more thru out the day and maybe more.

Little Joe

www.greenboxphotography.com

[gmanpilot 0]

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Am I right? Or am I talking out of my ass?

Ass talking.....cool trick.

I voted that I have gained more. But I must say, it is not by much. Or at least, that's the way it feels. I have seen too many people die. I have lost too many friends. If they are close friends, it's like they take a portion of me with them, a portion of something that is finite. I don't know what it is.

I have many good friends who are in Thailand right now, and I am a little worried. I have lost two friends doing big ways....it's dangerous. When Sandy died, I walked around in a fog for a week. We still miss her.

My friends and I have been accused of being "skygods" because we usually only jump as a group. One of the reasons we jump as a group is the added safety factor that familiarity and experience brings.

Friends don't let friends pull low.

_________________________________________
-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[diverdriver 5]

To those that voted "that's life suck it up" I say this:

What are we trying to prove with skydiving? Are we bettering society because we sport jump? Are we a big testbed for the military or something? What is it?

You tell yourself to suck it up over and over and you will realize you are numb and have no heart left. You will talk dispassionately about accidents like you talk about brushing your teeth. Don't lose yourself. You won't like it later.

Chris Schindler
www.diverdriver.com
ATP/D-19012
FB #4125

[chaoskitty 0]

What I meant by "Its life.. suck it up" is that people experience losses, disappointment, anger, hurt, and betrayal regardless. So skydiving has nothing to do with it. You can lose someone, or break yourself, in a car accident just as easily as you can in skydiving.

Sometimes you just have to accept things you cannot change.

I am really enjoying reading everyones perspectives. I dont feel so alone anymore.. keep em coming.

[diverdriver 5]

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What I meant by "Its life.. suck it up" is that people experience losses, disappointment, anger, hurt, and betrayal regardless. So skydiving has nothing to do with it. You can lose someone, or break yourself, in a car accident just as easily as you can in skydiving.

Sometimes you just have to accept things you cannot change.

I am really enjoying reading everyones perspectives. I dont feel so alone anymore.. keep em coming.

No, it's a good part of the poll. I'm just saying that it is not normal to have 20 friends die due to sudden deceleration trauma and another 20+ in aircraft accidents in 8.5 years. The human psyche can only take so much. To those that think sucking it up is the only response then they have most likely become jaded and don't want to deal with their own hurt anymore. Yes, you grieve and then move forward. I guess I just take "sucking it up" a little different than you intended. My apologies.

[JRock 0]

Exactly....

I am a firm believer there is a day in time where your presence here on Earth is going to be over.
Don't want to go off on a religilous tangent, but God and Jesus are gonna take you when they need ya..
So no need to worry about it.

[skyyhi 0]

I am VERY new to this sport but I also apply this to other things in life. I believe I have gained much more than I have lost in every activity I participate in. It is much more important to live and do the things I want to do than sit at home WISHING that I had done them. Loss is inevitable in life. I choose to think of it as an extension of life. And I choose to live.

________________________________________
Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ
FGF #6
Darcy

[chaoskitty 0]

I agree, Darcy. I've never been one to sit around and think about the things I'd like to do, as opposed to doing them. Your attitude is setting a great example.

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[QuickDraw 0]

Death is the final destination anyway, i like to think this is the scenic route.

And what a ride.

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I'm interested in your thoughts.

Disturbing aren't they ?

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[diablopilot 2]

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To those that voted "that's life suck it up" I say this:

What are we trying to prove with skydiving? Are we bettering society because we sport jump? Are we a big testbed for the military or something? What is it?

You tell yourself to suck it up over and over and you will realize you are numb and have no heart left. You will talk dispassionately about accidents like you talk about brushing your teeth. Don't lose yourself. You won't like it later.

To play devil's advocate here, I think it's all about what you read into the statement. I see it as two parts:

1) "That's life" means just that, it's life not good, bad nor indiferent. Life happens, and there's only one way to change that, and I'm not interested in quiting any time soon. The days go on leadint to the second part....

2)"suck it up" You took it to be a negative. Your perogative. I took it as "suck up life as it comes, enjoy every moment, and value every experience" I'm a hungry person with an appatite for life and living it.

It's all perspective.

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[Jessica 0]

I put "lost more." It's been three months since I broke my ass and it still hurts to stand up and get out of bed and get out of the car and a bunch of other things. My bill for the hospital alone was $13,000 and I still don't know how much of that insurance will cover. I've lost friends. I've seen bad things.

Skydiving costs, but for me, right now, it's still worth the cost.

Skydiving is for cool people only

[diverdriver 5]

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It's all perspective.

Yes it is.

[chaoskitty 0]

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I'm interested in your thoughts.

Disturbing aren't they ?

No, not so much.

I think we should swap avatars

[chaoskitty 0]

Sorry to hear about your broken ass, Jessica. That was quite an expensive jump. Keep healing.

I agree that its still worth it. I honestly cant say its made me stronger though.

[BBKid 0]

In your original post you mentioned losing relationships and friendships, by which I assume you mean with those outside the sport. If you didn't ignore this.

I really don't get it when people talk about saying goodbye to friends once they start jumping, since with me it just made me value my friends outside the sport even more. Maybe it's because I was always very lonely as a kid, and with the exception of one or two friends from school, the only real friends I have are those who I met since college. They accept me for who and what I am, regardless of our different backgrounds and appearances, and there's no way one earth I'd give them up for skydiving, as much as I love it.

In short, if I had to choose between being able to jump, or have the friends I knew before I started jumping, it's bye-bye canopy smell. Though I can't see that situation arising.

P.S. See, chaoskitty, I'm not weird all the time!

Nick
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"I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"