Going #2 at work

[ccowden 0]

Have you ever had to do your #2 business at work and done something creative to mask the pleasant aroma that you left? Like spraying a cleaning product and pretending to clean the bathroom?

Me neither!

Just wondering if anyone else "hasn't" done something like that or knew someone who did.
Care to share??

[Casie 0]

Wow.....YOU must be really bored

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[ccowden 0]

Is it THAT obvious?!
Not enjoying work today!

[WrongWay 0]

Wow, you can totally tell he's a freeflyer, huh?

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[Casie 0]

Yepper I never enjoy work....I'm always bored out of my mind

Ya know, I did once go into the restroom here on my floor & it smelled sooo bad I had to hold my nose & go to another floor to use the restroom

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[AggieDave 6]

The fun times is when its a mult-stall restroom and someone comes in during one of your better tequila shits...they cough, mumble something and leave. Oh yeah, score one for the home team.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[ccowden 0]

Quote

Ya know, I did once go into the restroom here on my floor & it smelled sooo bad I had hold my nose & go to another floor to use the restroom

And that is just what we are trying to avoid here! I am assuming YOU didn't cause the smell?

[ccowden 0]

Yup- nothing quite like taking a dump two feet away from someone, seperated only by an inch thick divider!

[JRock 0]

Subject: How to poop at work This will crack you up


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as
we
try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For
those
who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a
dump
at work.

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell
is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
where it
came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart
has
been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your
pants.

FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it
did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.

JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun
pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits
the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you

have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
that
the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY
FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud
of
it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the
office
for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out
Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite

sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that
you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with>
ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water.
This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming
on,
create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
Camo-Cough
with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.

An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as
well as
the other bathroom attendees.

[Casie 0]

Quote

Quote

Ya know, I did once go into the restroom here on my floor & it smelled sooo bad I had hold my nose & go to another floor to use the restroom

And that is just what we are trying to avoid here! I am assuming YOU didn't cause the smell?

NO...how can I cause the smell when I walked into the restroom silly Smells like that don't come from little ol me

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[Chute 0]

Hurry up and get done. When no one is around I sometimes go right to the urinal. Pretend to be peeing. That way when someone else comes in I can agree with them that something died in the commode.

Bottomless Beers and Blue Skies!

* Brother_Brian *
D.S.W.F.S.B. #2

[sid 1]

HOLY CRAP COWDEN! (Pun intended) you have WAY too much time on your hands, come down here and join Tim's Bigway Birthday jump on Saturday instead of staying up there moping

Sid

Pete Draper,

Just because my life plan is written on the back of a Hooter's Napkin, it's still a life plan.... right?

[turtlespeed 220]

Ummm,
I'll be right back.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[ripper0289 0]

Nope! I work in a hospital, so if the Brown Bomber strikes, I can always blame it on one of the patients

[bshl 0]

Are you kidding? I've been known to take stink bombs into the can!

Blue skies and happy landings!

[turtlespeed 220]

Quote

Ummm,
I'll be right back.

Damn I feel better.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[sdgregory 0]

OMG! I am a FLY BYER!

God it scares me but that is how I feel. I f I have to poop at work I will hold it until I can get into the stall when no-one is in the room and then I will wait to flush and leave until everyone has left.

I got stuck in the restroom for an hour once because of the steady flow of traffic.

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

This is some funny shit (unintended pun)! LOL!

Angela.

[PhillyKev 0]

I'm pooping right now.

[BethUK 0]

That is hilarious!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------

"This isn't flying...it's falling with style!" Buzz Lightyear - Toystory 1

[PhillyKev 0]

Actually, I'm sitting on the can masturbating, but everyone thinks I'm pooping.

[McDuck 0]

Usually I wait until after the guy everyone hates goes in there, and then I funk it up a notch and walk out claiming his by-products nearly killed ME. Works every time, since it's what everyone wants to believe anyway.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.