The Positives and the Negatives

[Michele 1]

I get up really early. But it's not like I slept much, anyway. I mean, I read most of the night, some intellectual forensic treatise on Jack the Ripper, replete with photos. Not the best choice, I'll agree...

Into the office, sign the waivers - and you think skydiving waivers are extensive? - and get the first of two pills. Down the hatch with a single sip of water and then I sit there, wondering what effect this pill is supposed to do. Soon enough, I am holding my book sideways - and still managing to read; unaware that my name has been called to go in, I get a nudge. Hrm, the pill worked. The doorway is sideways. Another pill, with another sip of water, and I am giggling. No fear, none at all. I don't care. Who cares? Not me. Oh, look, the pretty yellow dressing gown. I look better in pink, can I have one in pink? No? Oh. I think you should have some in pink. It's a woman's center, after all. We're all pink. Through that door? The one which keeps moving? I grab the edges, and sidle through it, because it won't stay still. And compare it with exits from the Otters. I tell them it's nice they have head room and we can stand straight, and then try to explain how to exit from the Otter. And demonstrate: Ready! Set! what? Hey, look, a big old surgical table. Wheeeeeeeeee....how do I climb on it? Where's the step stool? No stool? O.K., I'll jump.

Hands help me up....and I sit there, high above the world, and really think about how I need to get my legs up there. I talk to my legs - right one first, and then left one. This is a different table than I'm used to, this one has halfpipe-like cylinder things to lay my legs in. And a strap to go over them. Huh. And then I lay back, and the nurse comes at me with a big needle, and tapes it to me. I don't feel it go in. And then the needle in my hips - I feel those, but not to bad. And then I fall asleep....

~~~~~~~~~

And now I'm in the recovery room, whimpering. I need something to drink. Please, water. Coffee? Any coffee? Water's fine. Oh, man, my head aches. The Dr. talks to me, and I hear him saying that he thought it went well. He is smiling. These are all good things. He is optimistic. Well, me too. I fall asleep again. Sometime later, I wake up, and this time it's for good. The nurse walks me to the potty, turns her back while I use it, and then lets me get dressed. My hips are numb; I can feel my legs from top of the thigh down, but between there and my waist there is no connection. But I manage somehow. And I don't pee on myself.

Discharge paperwork signed, pain pill in me, and to the car they wheel me. And I slide in, and go back to sleep. I make it home, and Pie is fascinated by these weird smells. I have packing in my private places, and I'm walking like an old cowboy with glass in his joints. But I get inside, and get something in my belly. I call those I need to call, (and seemingly post, as well), and then crawl into bed. I hear the phone ringing distantly, but I don't care - too much effort to get up.

Sleep....sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep....and now the pain is coming. I wake in pain, but the Dr. told me to expect that. He won't let me take a pill for some time, because there is so much shit in my system anyway. Not until 8, he says. O.k., I'll wait.

I can't really find a comfortable position with this stuff inside me. I waddle from chair to sofa to chair, looking for something I can handle, a position I can find which will let me rest a bit. I am in my jammie bottoms and a teeshirt, and feel like an exploding balloon...

And then a knock on my door. I holler "hang on", thinking it's my neighbor Angela...and open it. I nearly fell over - it's MJOSparky! Come in, and I can't believe he's here. How sweet of him. 80 miles one way to check on me. How kind he is, how blessed I am....and then the phone rings, and it's RippedCord, and he comes over, too...and we sit and chat, the three of us, and I am so thrilled to see these guys, my friends, my skyfamily. Of course we talk about skydiving, and slinks and everything, but I sit there on the sofa, amazed that these folks thought enough of me to come by. I feel a tad high, but try to follow the conversation as best I can.

And then they leave, and I take my pill and fall into bed, and get up this morning to see the Dr. The pain is wrapping itself around my hips and back. I hurt, badly. But no meds, because I am driving. I had not considered the fact that I drive a stick shift, and so the drive there is interesting to say the least. I hobble into the office, and get ushered into a room...

The Positive:
He got all of the exterior stuff on my cervices and vaginal vault, no doubt. It took longer than he had thought, because of the double cervices. Used two stitches, dissolving kind. I should be recovered from this soon. I've had no unusual bleeding, and so I am unpacked. Which means I can close my legs. Which means I can walk. And pee without worrying.

The Negative:
He could not enter the smaller of the two cervices, and could not get either to dilate properly for a visual inspection. Because he has a concern that there's something inside the cervices that he couldn't get to, I am not out of the woods yet. He is talking about, if we need to, injecting radioactive dye into both cervices, to see where they lead, and to determine if there's something there. He pap-ed me while I was out on the one cervix, but not the other. He is having a seriously difficult time getting any tools to fit in the smaller one. He is considering surgery to eliminate the small one, or reconstructive surgery to combine the two. He is not sure yet what he wants to do, but there needs to be something done.

And so now the waiting begins. The state pathologist will take about 10 days, and so I will know more then. My Dr. is still fairly confident that I will not need chemo, but has backed off a bit on his certainty. That's a decision we will make when the time comes, and that time is not now.

And still I am bleeding, which is the reason I went there in the first place. We have discontinued the Pill, and changed meds. We will continue chasing that issue down while we chase the cancer away...

After all this, I come home. I see my screen door propped open, and think "too much mail or something." I am moving better, but the pain is enormous. On my front porch, I find two beautiful bouquets - one from my office, and one from Muenkel. As I arrange them on the table under the window, and add all the cards I've gotten, I realize how lucky I am, how very lucky I am, to have such kind and wonderful friends, and such a wonderful group here (Jessica, you're sooo funny!!). ( I am behind on returning pm's - I think I got something like 25 yesterday - so if I haven't answered yours, be patient with me, please? It hurts to sit.).

Hugs to you all - and thanks for all the vibes, the notes, the flowers, the chocolate, and most especially, the intensity of friendship I've discovered from all over the world. You all RAWK! No doubt. And soon, JT, we shall funnel another jump. I promise!

And now, I need the sofa.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[kai2k1 0]

Michele

I'm glad to hear that you cam through it OK. My prayers are with you. If you need to talk or anything I'm only a PM away.

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[AggieDave 6]

*hug*

Its good to hear that overall things went well! I've been worried about you.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[turtlespeed 226]

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[jumpinjackflash 0]

I haven't met you yet formally Michele, but, after a great many posts I have read, I really look forward to it.

Much warmth and good wishes to you. May you recover very quickly and heal completely.

I look forward to jumping with you someday.


Blessings,



Jack

It's a gas, gas, gas...

[Shark 0]

Hey!

Glad to hear you are doing better. I'll pray for your speedy recovery.
We'll get you airborne soon.

MG

[skymama 37]

One step at a time, Sweetie, you're doing good. You'll be ok, I have a good feeling about it. Hope to hear of you back in the sky soon.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[TheAnvil 0]

Baby steps! Glad you've recovered thus far!

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[wmw999 2,543]

Michele, you are precious and you are loved. And you are worth all of that.

Take care, sweetie. Really, it sounds like more good news than bad, and a doctor who really cares that the result ends up good, and not just interesting.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[skybytch 273]

  Quote

And now, I need the sofa.

And the sofa needs you.

Take the pain pills dammit (yes, I do know you aren't on them right now, you're typing far too coherently ). And expect a drunk dial from the crew here on Saturday night.

Hugs. Much love.

[flygirl03 0]

hey girl..... (((HUGS)))
you made it through this so far. you can handle whatever comes next. sounds like you have plenty of friends to help you through.
† prayers for a quick recovery and that the pain subsides soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
earthbound misfit

[Squeak 17]

See I told ya she'd be fine and didn't need my vibes


Glad you're OK Chook

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[mouth 0]

  Quote

  Quote

And now, I need the sofa.

And the sofa needs you.

Take the pain pills dammit (yes, I do know you aren't on them right now, you're typing far too coherently ). And expect a drunk dial from the crew here on Saturday night.

Hugs. Much love.

What she said. You forget we've seen you on drugs and that post wasn't it. Try to rest and let your body heal.

Love ya,
Lisa

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[hooked 0]

Still lots of {{{{{VIBES}}}}} for you, even though it's sounding a little more positive than negative. Reading all the posts, you should know how much you are loved and how much people care about you.
Take your meds and get comfy/cozy and heal quickly, okay?

Jan

--------------------------------------
Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[BartsDaddy 7]

I'm glad to hear all the positives, I'm certain that the negatives will be turned into posatives soon. Take your pain pills and get well soon. Then we can jump together{{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle

[RevJim 0]

Get better fast, sweetie!

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Lee03 0]

Hope everything is okay. Prayers for you for a quick recovery.

--------
To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.

--Nevil Shute, Slide Rule

[mnischalke 0]

Ain't nuttin worse than the sheer joy of waking up to when they jerk the cathater.

Glad to hear you're alive and kickin'!!!

mike

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills--You know, like nunchuk skills, bow-hunting skills, computer-hacking skills.