RoysPlayThing 0 #1 October 14, 2003 Okay, This is not a joke.... (I'll think real hard which ones I post next time) Anyway, Have read alot of advice topics about serious issues, and would like to know the opinions of the great skyjumpers; I have two friends that are in a relationship. I was friends with the guy first for many years, and then became friends with the girl about 4 years ago. I love them both, and have always been loyal and devoted to both of them. My question is, I found out recently by the girl friend that she is cheating on him.... Am I being disloyal in not telling my other friend (her boyfriend) about it? I am not sure what to do, but feel quilty on doing nothing. She of course doesn't want me to say anything to the guy friend. Very sad situation, it seems with no real answer. Lany G._______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #2 October 14, 2003 You should talk to your gf, and let her know your feelings, as well as let her know that you will be telling her boyfriend if she does not come up clean. Just take the side as if you were on this woman's boyfriend, when those so called friends never tell you things that really matter. If you do care for both of these friendship, you need to make a decision. I would personally hate to be in your shoes, but either way, I would give them the chance to be upfront with their significant other, rather to finding out by other sources...."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyPsycho 0 #3 October 14, 2003 first off, i wouldnt take juanes advice, although i understand his feelings...........keep yer trap shut, and you keep 2 friends..........open it and u lose one........if you know, someone else will know too sooner or later, and he will find out........just play dumb and ya didnt know nuthin......hell, shes not gonna tell him ya know.... just my opinion _______________________________ HK MP5SD.........silence is golden Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dagny 0 #4 October 14, 2003 I'd have to agree with skypsycho...getting involved in what occurs in other people's relationships can be a nasty, dangerous, thankless endeavour. If you need to because you just can't sit idly by while this happens then you should talk to the guilty person and suggest they come clean. But don't expect a lotta love for it! Good luck...Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic. -Salvador Dali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #5 October 14, 2003 I know what you shoud do! You should post this in the womens forum instead. Ooh something shiny! -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jimbo 0 #6 October 14, 2003 Less dumb stuff, more skydiving. - Jim"Like" - The modern day comma Good bye, my friends. You are missed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,507 #7 October 14, 2003 If she's cheating on him sexually, she really needs to come clean with him. For health reasons, if nothing else. You really need to talk to her about this; do you want a friend who would cheat on their partner? I don't know if I'd tell him -- I've never been in the situation, and it would have to depend on so many variables. You're the only one who can really make that decision. But you can choose not to associate with her any more, and let him figure it out. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chopchop 0 #8 October 14, 2003 Wendy.. I totally agree with your reasoning and as I am administering her medication tonight, I will convince her that your thoughts are the right course of action.. or I will just choke her to death with my throbbing breast-cancer-prevention-medication-delivery-device. Either way.. I am sure, if there is sex involved.. the dude will get "the rest of the story" (Paul Harvey) chopchop gotta go... Plaything needs a spanking.. Lotsa Pictures Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
12bhi 0 #9 October 14, 2003 Here no evil see no evil....Its better that way Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoysPlayThing 0 #10 October 14, 2003 I'm leaning towards the "don't say anything" advice, but lets all be adults here; we all find out about these situations, and if nothing is said by me, won't they feel betrayed by me after all is out in the open anyway? _______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinfoil 0 #11 October 14, 2003 Hmmm, wrench in the gears. If a friend of yours was cheating on their SO whom you've never met. Would you want to tell that SO? “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #12 October 14, 2003 My speculation: She knows you're his friend, she probably feels like crap about it but doesn't have the guts to tell him. So, she figures by telling you that he'll find out and then amidst all the fallout from that she can focus her energy away from being upset with herself for screwing up to being upset with you for not keeping it a secret. My solution: Insist she come clean about it, but short of that a friend's confidence is a friend's confidence. Having a heirarchy of friends to which some are extended the basics and others not is kinda loony Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #13 October 14, 2003 Either way, you're probably going to lose a friend. If he finds out a while from now, he's probably going to find out you knew... if only from the girl trying to defend herself by saying "well, it couldn't be so bad... soandso knew for months now!" If you tell him directly or force her to tell him, she is gonna be PISSED at you. Personally, I'd give her a week to tell him on her own, and if she doesn't, you just tell him "I think you need to talk to about and I'm not going to say any more than that." sure, he'll try to get more out of you, but just say "that's between you and her. I'm staying out of it from now on." and walk away. that way, you've said your piece without actually saying it, and hopefully opened a dialogue between the two of them. no matter which way you look at it, tho, the situation's gonna suck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #14 October 14, 2003 Hi Lany, Like everyone has already said, you're gonna lose a friend or friends in the near future. Given that, do you want to lose one of them as a friend, or both of them along with a little of your self esteem. A reputation for honesty is a bit like the French dictation exams we used to take in high school... You start with a theoretical 100% score, and every mistake you make reduces the score. I suspect that the reason you're posting here is to garner moral support for telling the boy. Perhaps the question you should ask yourself is: "Do I value my reputation for discretion more than my reputation for honesty?" If one person knows something, it's a secret. If 2 people know something it's half a secret. If 4 people know something it's no secret. I suspect that this situation is going to come out in the open pretty soon anyway to the boy's anguished cries of "You knew and you didn't tell me!!?" By confiding in you the girl seems to be trying to make you some form of co-conspirator. How long before she's saying "Cover for me" and dragging you deeper into her deception. The other possibility is that she's using you to get the "secret" out and spread. Either way, she's using you. I can't tell you what to do in this situation, that's something you've gotta decide for yourself. What I'd do in that situation (if I were you), is tell all to your S/O who can chat to the boy on a "man-to-man" basis while you're telling the girl that it's all about to come out in the open. Good luck, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #15 October 14, 2003 Skypsycho, I don't think you understand me at all, for I would not like to be in this cheated person shoes. Since many in here debate about its a man's fault or a woman's fault about why relationships do not work, this is the most common reason they don't work. Failed honesty, the saying I did not tell you because I love you too much and don;t want to hurt you with the truth just does not cut it for me. Honesty and trust, as well as attraction play a very fundamental part in any relationship. There is not ifs and buts, when you do not tell the whole truth, it is just as wrong as lying. This woman is failing in being honest with her boyfriend, of sometime, why does she not tell him that she is bored in the relationship before even looking around and finding the next one?. Now, if you were my friend of many years, and not even let me know this is what was going on, shit I would be pissed at you, and probably let your friendship go for you would not be good as friend. The the decision is for Roysplaything to make, yet she is seeking advice, she is definitely pissed or concerned about the cheating going on, and I don't think this only kisses and hugs situation. What if she gets Aids and gives it to her BF, and you knowing this was going on never warned him? I strongly advice that she let her girlfriend know what her position is, period, if it is one of silence then so be it, but the longer she hesitate the worse things are going to be. It is just like a malfunction, you hesitate, and worse things happen. Whatever moral grounds and beliefs Lany has, she needs to make a decision, and thus she came to us for advice. Lany, please make a decision and live by it. Blue skies! Juan"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #16 October 14, 2003 Have you decided what you're gonna do? I'm in a similar situation, but can't seem to figure out what is best. I just keep telling myself, if I were in their shoes.....would I want to know? Would I be upset with that person if they didn't tell me?~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WrongWay 0 #17 October 14, 2003 Know how ya feel. I am friends with a couple right now that the girl's cheated on him many times, and he has no clue, and yeah it sucks, but is it really my place to interfere with that? Is it really yours? If you ask me, she should have had the guts and the simple respect for human decency to tell him the FIRST time it happened. (Or it just never should have happened, but thats beside the point.) If she was half a person, she would have told him. If you are really that concerned about the situation, then you should talk to her about it. Don't threaten her, that won't help anyone. Just go to her saying, "I really don't think this is right". If she's truly your friend, she'll listen, if she's not and shoves you away, you know what to do. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmcd308 0 #18 October 14, 2003 If she cheats on her bf, how valuable is her friendship? Please rush to her defense by saying that she would never screw YOU over because you guys are friends. One thing that no one has mentioned is the possiblity that you will lose two friends. While one is not such a big loss in my opinion, there is a chance that you will tell him and that he won't believe you and will be mad. I am mad that none of my friends told me when it was obvious to everyone but me that my fiancee was cheating, but I am pretty sure that I never would have believed anyone who told me. I think it was pretty chicken sh!t for my friends not to tell me, but I have forgiven them. If someone had told me and I had given them the middle finger, it might have ended worse. Just my 2 cents, and I really don;t know what you should do. Just something else to consider. Brent ---------------------------------- www.jumpelvis.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #19 October 14, 2003 So I guess you would have preferred to marry your fiance and let this one pass.... Reminds me of me, myself and Irene..."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bkdice 0 #20 October 14, 2003 Years ago, I was with a guy that messed around on me. I didn't know, but a very good friend of mine (Phil), found out. Phil talked to my then boyfriend and said, either you tell her, or I will. Granted it wasn't Phil's business, but at the same time, he was / is my friend and didn't want my ex "getting away with that" - even though he was friends with my ex too (he was friends with me first). Though it caused a lot of hurt and it did cause some ripples in my friendship with Phil when the shit hit the fan, I am honestly glad he stepped in. Phil and my ex managed to be friends again over some time. I may have never found out if I hadnt been told by an outside party. I still consider Phil a good and honest friend that really cares for me. As for the boyfriend, I have since upgraded. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #21 October 14, 2003 We all know that upgrade Glad you had a friend like that."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoysPlayThing 0 #22 October 17, 2003 I have made my decision, and am living by it. I have told my girl friend that if she didn't tell him, that I would find a way to let him know. She told him that very afternoon. Thank you for all your help on this matter. I appreciate all the input. Lany_______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #23 October 17, 2003 Lany, Glad you took a decisionBlue skies"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #24 October 17, 2003 QuoteMy question is, I found out recently by the girl friend that she is cheating on him.... Am I being disloyal in not telling my other friend (her boyfriend) about it? I am not sure what to do, but feel quilty on doing nothing. Simple. Mind your own business. If you don't like it, don't deal with them. Sticking your nose in that kind of a situation is asking to get it busted. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skytrixaz 0 #25 October 17, 2003 QuoteQuoteMy question is, I found out recently by the girl friend that she is cheating on him.... Am I being disloyal in not telling my other friend (her boyfriend) about it? I am not sure what to do, but feel quilty on doing nothing. Simple. Mind your own business. If you don't like it, don't deal with them. Sticking your nose in that kind of a situation is asking to get it busted. Exactly what I was thinking... g Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
