A relationship thread

[Zenister 0]

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My grandmother taught me this one quite some time ago and I just now remembered it:

For a relationship to work, you can put no other person above your mate. Not your parents, not your children, nobody. This is especially critical in marriages/relationships where children from past relationships are involved. I didn't take much credence in this advice until much later in life when I saw so many, many of my friend's relationships fail because of this lack of primary focus.

wise words...but rather difficult to fulfill, I'd settle for being '2nd chair' in the place of a womans children. I think its unrealistic to expect a mother to put her lover over her children and wouldnt have much respect for one that did...which of course would kill my level of involvement..

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[vocii 0]

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I have not had any problems with relationships since I came to the realization that dating is horseshit.

Jaded?? ...perhaps.... or am I just incredibly smart?
At least I have a good attitude!

Amen to that. Yer smart, not jaded
I'm even smarter though. *I* haven't had *any* relationship problems since I started avoiding them
Huh - smart huh Some just gots it!

Considering what you do to others, it's their luck they didn't get involved with you. Yes, you're so desirable and wonderful that you had to reject others.

[happythoughts 0]

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I REALLY disagree on this one. It is usually the chemistry that pulls two people together. You have to get PAST the chemistry to find out if there is more. No body asked me the obvious question about my previous post.

Ok. I'll change it from "what makes you worth meeting" to "what makes you worth keeping".

Guys see a honey and want to talk. Hormones.
Gals see a nice bod or nice clothes (cash).

Past that, what is it that keeps you seeing them (other than the big O).

Women want a man to appreciate "them". So what is there in "them" that men want? Tell me about you. There is a lot of pretty girls, what is the special part about the you inside?

[happythoughts 0]

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K..here goes my snobby rant..
I know what makes me worth more than that. I want to have the chance to see what makes him worth it, and if he tries too hard to get me in to bed too soon.. I'm not gonna stick around to find out.

Nice non-answer. "I want to have the chance to see what makes him worth it," There is a lot of pretty girls out there, what makes you special/different/wonderful? He has to prove something to you? C'mon... if a guy is great, what is the reason that he should want you? Sounds like you are making a sport out of it, not a relationship.

[happythoughts 0]

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you can put no other person above your mate

SM1, your grandmother saw a clear, simple truth. Something to learn from.

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[happythoughts 0]

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BUT besides the skydiving, the looks, the sex and the pheremones - it's my personality, my sense of humor, it's the total package - the way I go through life.

"the way I go through life" I hope that one day we get to sit and talk. I am guilty of a simple sin - I think that people who agree with me are right. I totally agree with you.
There are different degrees of relationships. Acquaintance, friend, lover. I accept people as they are. I don't require that they are in my life at a big depth. I just want them to be them.

[happythoughts 0]

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I have no tips that will get you in a good relationship, but these are some things that come to mind as important to me.

The foundation for a relationship is understanding what is "important to me". That changes from time to time, but it's good to know.

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

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I REALLY disagree on this one. It is usually the chemistry that pulls two people together. You have to get PAST the chemistry to find out if there is more. No body asked me the obvious question about my previous post.

Ok. I'll change it from "what makes you worth meeting" to "what makes you worth keeping".

Guys see a honey and want to talk. Hormones.
Gals see a nice bod or nice clothes (cash).

Past that, what is it that keeps you seeing them (other than the big O).

Women want a man to appreciate "them". So what is there in "them" that men want? Tell me about you. There is a lot of pretty girls, what is the special part about the you inside?

Is this the dating game, or something? haha. Seriously, maybe i'm missing something, but unless someone is applying for a date with you, why is it that they should have to explain the reason they feel they are special?

Angela.

[SkymonkeyONE 4]

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wise words...but rather difficult to fulfill, I'd settle for being '2nd chair' in the place of a womans children. I think its unrealistic to expect a mother to put her lover over her children and wouldnt have much respect for one that did...which of course would kill my level of involvement

And that, my friend, is why so many relationships of that sort fail. You cannot subordinate yourself and stay happy. If you do so, you have not achieved mutual respect. Your mate must be the most important thing in your life. I am talking marriage and serious relationships, not casual dating.

Oddly, it was not children, but parents of several of my, then, mates which led to breakups. Only once did the status of a child cause any problems. That had to do with her fighting with her ex over visitation, etc.

[loudtom 5]

yea!!!!!
what he said!!

tom #90 #54 #08 and now #5 with a Bronze :-)

[Snowwhite 0]

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I REALLY disagree on this one. It is usually the chemistry that pulls two people together. You have to get PAST the chemistry to find out if there is more. No body asked me the obvious question about my previous post.

Ok. I'll change it from "what makes you worth meeting" to "what makes you worth keeping".


I can only tell you what my husband of 29 years has to say about that, ATTITUDE. He loves mine. I think it is a general attitude towards life. I try to pass it on to my kids and the people around me, and at the WFFC we call it the Free Fall Attitude. I love this forum, cuz most of the people here have it , too.

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com

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[WrongWay 0]

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Nice non-answer. "I want to have the chance to see what makes him worth it," There is a lot of pretty girls out there, what makes you special/different/wonderful? He has to prove something to you? C'mon... if a guy is great, what is the reason that he should want you? Sounds like you are making a sport out of it, not a relationship.

I hate to say, but I totally agree. It's not a sport. This person, (yes even us guys have hearts) is a human being, with real emotions. We're not toys to be played with, and thrown away. No one should have to prove anything to you, except the fact that they're a good person, and if they haven't done that already, why would you be on a date with them anyway?

I'm sorry to burst your bubble sweetie, but no one is perfect, including you. Therefore, you can't expect anyone to be perfect for you. You worry so much about "seeing what makes him worth it". Well, what makes you "worth it" for him? The fact that you're just testing him out? Perhaps that you're so pretty, prim, proper, and perfect?

Also, you talk about guys "trying to get in your pants". What if he just truly wants to be close to you? Does that make him a bad guy if he likes you so much he wants to share that with you, or does he just have to prove something first?

I agree, come on, no one should have to prove ANYTHING to you, whether it be relationships, friendships, acquaintences, or some guy you meet on the street. It sounds like you need to do two things: Accept people the way they are, don't think that it's all just a big game. And realize that no one is perfect, including you.

I'm not slamming, you know I love ya to death, I'm just being honest with you from what I've heard on this thread and from you. Nothing but love!!!

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[skybytch 273]

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Ok, here a little question for the gals... You want to find a guy who is interested in you beyond the sex.

Ignoring your looks and skydiving, what is it that makes you worth meeting?

A little late, but I'll bite.

I won't take 45 minutes to get ready to go out. Dinner at Taco Bell wouldn't make me think a guy is cheap (although dinner at a nice restaurant is appreciated occasionally). I enjoy a variety of activities besides skydiving - motorcycles, mtn bikes, camping, hiking, shooting, skiing... I can watch a baseball, football or basketball game and keep up with what's going on. I can throw and catch a baseball. I like beer. I'm capable of changing my own flat tire (I don't like doing it, but I know how). I dig fast cars but don't care if a guy I'm seeing drives one or not. I don't expect a guy to remember birthdays or anniversaries - I'll warn him a few days beforehand if there's a day coming up that is important to me. I won't make a guy hang out with me and my girlfriends if he doesn't want to. I understand the need for "guys nights out." Your male friends would probably like me. I don't need to share every activity or interest with a guy I'm seeing. I'm not likely to get pregnant ever again and my kid is already an adult. I like beer (wait, did I mention that already?). I like to try new things.

I do insist that the toilet seat and lid be put down though.

[happythoughts 0]

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...but unless someone is applying for a date with you, why is it that they should have to explain the reason they feel they are special?

Sorry, no dates for me, I'm incredibly old so I entertain myself by posing questions of self-discovery. No sinister motive.

The only reason to explain their specialness is thinking about ourselves. I'm just a conversation starter (or s*** stirrer, depending on who you ask ). No one has to play with me.

Sometimes I hear women complain that they are treated like a pretty object. That was my question, "What else ya got?".

I notice that the women over 30 had a direct answer immediately. I like that.

[McDuck 0]

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For a relationship to work, you can put no other person above your mate. Not your parents, not your children, nobody. Chuck

You know, I don't think you could put it more succinctly than that. I also now realize I was not being too selfless in my past relationships, but that the women I was with weren't following suit. Failure was inevitable.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[ianmdrennan 2]

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I do insist that the toilet seat and lid be put down though.

My wife and I have the same agreement. That way she always has to lift it, and I always have to put it down.
Seems to have solved the whole toilet seat debate....heh

Blue skies
Ian

Performance Designs Factory Team

[chaoskitty 0]

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I hate to say, but I totally agree. It's not a sport.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble sweetie, but no one is perfect, including you. Therefore, you can't expect anyone to be perfect for you. You worry so much about "seeing what makes him worth it". Well, what makes you "worth it" for him? The fact that you're just testing him out? Perhaps that you're so pretty, prim, proper, and perfect?

Also, you talk about guys "trying to get in your pants". What if he just truly wants to be close to you? Does that make him a bad guy if he likes you so much he wants to share that with you, or does he just have to prove something first?

I agree, come on, no one should have to prove ANYTHING to you, whether it be relationships, friendships, acquaintences, or some guy you meet on the street. It sounds like you need to do two things: Accept people the way they are, don't think that it's all just a big game. And realize that no one is perfect, including you.

I'm not slamming, you know I love ya to death, I'm just being honest with you from what I've heard on this thread and from you. Nothing but love!!!

Alright, I'll answer your question and pose one at the same time:
Anyone who takes the time to look beyond appearances will see what kind of person I am just by having a conversation with me or observing my movements.
Why do you keep saying that its ME who has to show YOU what makes me different, or worth it? Why is it wrong for me to want to see what is different and special about you? You are putting all of the responsibility on me to prove that I'm more than "just a pretty face". Relationships are a two-way street honey. Take the time to get to know me, and you'll see whats unique about me. I'd like the opportunity to do the same. However, I dont have that opportunity if sex is his priority.
And WW, where are you getting the idea that I'm perfect? I never said that. Yes, I have high standards, but no, I am not perfect and I'm not looking for perfection in others.
Love you too sweetie.
I'm going to go jump now.

[boxerboy 0]

I have to say I agree with all those who say vou've got to put yourself first.

I think the main thing is just to travel down your own road, and hope you find someone going in the same direction.

I hear alot of talk about comprimise. The only thing I can say about that is BE CAREFUL. After five years in a relationship I woke up and realized I had comprimised myself into something I was'nt. No one thing was huge, but so many small things really pile up.

(Says in southern accent) That's all I have to say about that.

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"

[bendywendy 0]

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I have to say I agree with all those who say vou've got to put yourself first.

I think the main thing is just to travel down your own road, and hope you find someone going in the same direction.

I hear alot of talk about comprimise. The only thing I can say about that is BE CAREFUL. After five years in a relationship I woke up and realized I had comprimised myself into something I was'nt. No one thing was huge, but so many small things really pile up.

(Says in southern accent) That's all I have to say about that.

Excellent advice! I did the same thing - you just keep giving up the little things because it make the other person so much happier (or easier to deal with) and then one day you realize that you are miserable, you aren't yourself, you're doing everything for someone else. It's funny how it just creeps up on you.

And what is everyone's deal with the toilet seat issue? Who cares whether it is up or down? It takes one damn second to fix it. What difference does it make if someone rolls the toothpaste or squeezes it? I can be pretty anal about things if I put my mind to it but come on... you've got to be just jonesing for a fight if you harp on someone about those things.

[happythoughts 0]

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You are putting all of the responsibility on me to prove that I'm more than "just a pretty face".

Not "prove". The question was an opportunity. Women always complain about the "just after my bod" problem. A little self horn-tooting was the goal. Some women did stand up, "this is me..", and take a bow. Liked that.

Didn't mean to make anyone feel anxious.

[bendywendy 0]

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Not "prove". The question was an opportunity. Women always complain about the "just after my bod" problem. A little self horn-tooting was the goal. Some women did stand up, "this is me..", and take a bow. Liked that.

Didn't mean to make anyone feel anxious.

[happythoughts 0]

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Well, if you wanted horn-tooting I could definately keep going on all the wonderfull qualities that make me me. But then I suppose I'd have to follow it up with equally long list of why I could probably annoy the piss out of you

That's just because you are one of those darned human-being types. If you have an opinion and a personality, that happens from time to time.


Horn-tooting is good. If I ever do something right, I'll tell someone and buy the beer.

Knowing what you are/aren't and what you like/don't like defines a person. People who don't have clear definitions and barriers aren't real to me yet. I don't have to like all of someone to like them.

You have to be someone for another person to like that someone. If someones entire interpersonal skill is their looks, then that is all they get. I wonder why they complain.

I can guarantee that there are people who will listen to attractive people ramble monotonously and not have the slightest interest. Guys do it all the time to the "I'm so cute..." girls. Girls do it to the "Look at my car/cash" guys.

[betzilla 56]

Here's what worked for me:

I decided what I was looking for in a man : well respected, financially stable, intelligent and curious, motivated. I thought I would find that in the business world, or in a doctor or lawyer.

How surprised was I when i found all of that in a skydiver?!

So I say, look for what you want, but be open to finding it in unexpected people.

[Vallerina 2]

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Ignoring your looks and skydiving, what is it that makes you worth meeting?

Okay, this will be fun. I can list my good qualities off.
The qualities I have which make me intersting:
-I am very funny...even if it's not intentional
-I have a brain that works well if alcohol is not in the way
-I have many interests which makes me a well-rounded person (dancing, reading, volunteering, jogging, skydiving, etc)
-I can have a lot of fun!
-I have opinions, so conversation is usually interesting

No, I'm not perfect, and I may not even be a "catch." I also never really cared if I was or not. I like myself just fine...if no one else does, then wha the heck is wrong with them?

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That's ok, I'll wait for Vallerina to supply a good answer, that chick has got it going on.

Thanks! I am shamelessly bumping that up!

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Cool cars really don't matter. I

Haha! I was just talking about this with someone the other night. Ever since I was 14 or 15, fancy shmancy cars were always a turn off. I never could explain just why...it doesn't have anything to do with wasting money or anything like that. I just got replused by guys with fancy cars.

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If women were the pursuers, men would be considered the mysterious gender.

HAHA!!!!! I laugh at how untrue that was! A little over a year ago, I was the one who attacked my current sexy man. He was defenseless. I also don't think he's too mysterious, but neither am I.

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Ok. I'll change it from "what makes you worth meeting" to "what makes you worth keeping".

Shit! Nothing!

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Sometimes I hear women complain that they are treated like a pretty object. That was my question, "What else ya got?".

Are you jealous, Bill? Do you want to be treated like a pretty object?

I just find a lot of this funny. I find it funny that people still can't figure these relationshipy-thingies out. I know I can't! I'm still learning on a daily basis.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[happythoughts 0]

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Are you jealous, Bill? Do you want to be treated like a pretty object?

I used to feel so... used, but I have accepted my fate.

I just think that the key to a good relationship is to have good qualities to build it on. Of course, what the heck do I know? It's not like I have a g/f.