disturbing terminology

[jimmytavino 16]

Part of my "real" work...includes the sale and installation of Stairway Chair Lifts....
so yesterday, while putting in a unit for a woman whose father is very ill,,, the Visiting Nurse Service
nurse came by..........
........ 3 times I overheard her tell the family,,,
...." Well you should know, 'He's Actively Dying'..."
..... HUH?????.... "actively dying" ??????
what's with THAT??? How do loved ones respond when a medical "professional" uses a term like that?
.... so as she left, I was in the driveway, near my truck, and asked her " Isn't that term a bit HARSH"????.........Her reply,,,,," that conversation is/was 'confidential' between myself and the family"
as I stood there and shook my head, I thought but didn't say,,,, " then why did YOU breach that confidentiality,,,, by speaking LOUD enough for some workman ( me ) to overhear?" let alone to say that in front of the ill gentleman himself..
Am I behind the times here???? Are such terms acceptable today???....I surely realize the inevitability
of life and death....but this was from a NURSE.......and she used it,,,, almost like it was the new "catchphrase"......
..... did I over react??????? jmy

[McDuck 0]

Hmmm, I haven't heard that one, but I DO know that medical professionals are not supposed to pull punches and give false hope. Perhaps her vocabulary was just somewhat limited and she had no better way to express that idea.

As for confidentiality, she seems to have neglected that until it was too late. Her statement to you was a CYA statement to make her feel better...or so it seems from MY limited perspective.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[RippedCord 0]

I believe most of us are passively dying. The actively dying gentlemen must've slowly been poisoning himself--perhaps to escape the constant irritations of the shrew you feature in the story.

Let's make a vow to actively LIVE each day. Amen.

AMDG

[CrazyIvan 0]

Hey 'Workman'....mind your own business and stop eavesdropping ok?

But seriously, it was inappropriate to discuss something like that openly.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[wmw999 2,544]

When my mother was in her last couple of days, the hospice nurse used those exact words. They were fine with us -- really. Because sometimes it's time to die. This just let us know in some ways that it's OK to die.

As it happens, my mother had a pretty good death with the help of the hospice. It's a heck of an organization.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[CrazyIvan 0]

Quote

I believe most of us are passively dying.

Not most of us but ALL of us, every day that passes, is one more day of life and also one less day on this earth, sad but true.

Enjoy every second of your existence people!!!

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[ErnestHemingway 0]

I am gonna get banned from this site, but why the fucking hell are you even questioning this shit? You know it's wrong, so speak out! It really is as simple as that!

Hell, maybe more of you do-goods should have fucked up once in your life. Then maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't be a fucking puppet.

[McDuck 0]

I don't think your Cocoa Puffs were supposed to be fibrous, dude.

Deep breaths, man.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[CrazyIvan 0]

May I suggest you drink DECAF from now and on?

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[FliegendeWolf 0]

Or Dethuj?

A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All

[Tonto 1]

Quote

........ 3 times I overheard her tell the family,,,
...." Well you should know, 'He's Actively Dying'..."

I'm going to use that this weekend while debriefing my AFF.

Me: So. What was your pull altitude on this dive?

Student: Err... 5000 feet?

Me: Right. So.. how high were you when I gave you the pull signal?

Student: Err... 4500 feet?

Me: Right! And what height did you pull at?

Student: Err... 4000 feet?

Me: Spot on! During that time you were activly dying.

Student:

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[Jayruss 0]

Through me experience I've found that the medical community is fairly pessimistic. Whether it's because legally they can't give false hope or bitterness towards the system it's self, either way they should realize the hope they take from their patients.

__________________________________________________
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Dagny 0]

I'd have to agree with you, but I think the reason that the medical profession leans towards pessimism is that there are many "wait and see" problems that exist which can have devestating consequences and uncertain progression. Combine that with a litigious society like that which exists in the US and suddenly it's a lie and/or bad care which resulted in someone's death rather than just the unfortunate natural progression of the disease or injury.

From what I've seen doctors tend to use statistics from previous similar cases to determine someone's life expectancy or whatever. BUT, people are so amazingly different and the strength of the human spirit and will to live so variable that I don't think anyone can assume anything.

I used to tell people, if I thought their loved one might survive, that it looked bleak but that there was always room for hope and prayer. I never used the term "actively dying", though. However, in medicine, I don't sugar coat anything - it can be deceptive and it's unfair to everyone involved.

Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.
-Salvador Dali

[jmpnkramer 0]

I thought we died every time we left the plane and had to do something to bring ourselves back?

That is the philosophy I have always followed.


I mean if you do nothing then you are dead! Right! Oh wait that was in the land before Cypress.

I dunno!


Blue Skies & Soft Landings,

KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The REAL KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!

"HESITATION CAUSES DEATH!!!"
"Be Slow to Fall into Friendship; but when Thou Art in, Continue Firm & Constant." - SOCRATES

[jimmytavino 16]

...good replies...helpful.....
wmw999gives first hand feedback from those who ARE involved,,,i.e family members....and so maybe "those exact words".....are effective.
I try not to be nosey Ivan, but I tend to pay attention to what's goin' on around me...
As for "you know it's wrong... speak up".....
I really DON'T know its wrong.....Ernest, that's why i brought up the subject.... I thought it was a strange choice of words since many senior citizens
try hard to be "active",,,,,, and to me it just doesn't mix w/ "dying,",........
Maybe "actively 'transitioning' ".... as in,,, from this existence to the next.....I dunno.... THAT concept, could open up a whole new discussion!!!!!!!

[Tonto 1]

I know all that!

I've just never had a term coined by the medical proffesion to describe it yet. So we're activly dying in freefall, and passivly dying under canopy - unless we're riding a mal.. in which case we're active, or funtioning on our malfunction.

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[Designer 0]

Geez,reminds me of the monty python skit.Throws the old man out in the street.Old man says,"But,I,m not dead yet".Living is still living.Actively dying is like almost pregnant.Give me a f**king break.Woman/whomever needs some more training?

[chuteless 1]

I would say that nurse was actively out of line. You were right to react...I would have done the same...but likely more aggresive...and been sorry for being so later.

[WFFC 1]

Psssst...We're all 'Actively Dying'. Some are just a bit closer than others.

[Zenister 0]

"good health is merely dying at the slowest possible rate"

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[jlmiracle 7]

Quote

Psssst...We're all 'Actively Dying'. Some are just a bit closer than others.

That's what I was thinking.

When my father was dying in the hospital, I don't think that term was ever used, we wanted to get him set up for hospice but were told he probably would'nt survive the ride, but I have 2 sisters that were nurses so most of the talk was in medical jargon then they would explain to us.

I also think Tonto has a good idea with students. If you don't pull by this altitude you are actively dying.

Judy

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

[CrazyIvan 0]

Quote

I also think Tonto has a good idea with students. If you don't pull by this altitude you are actively dying.

and FAST.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[bendywendy 0]

I'm not the most sensitive person in the world but I don't see anything particularly wrong with that terminology. You haven't said what is/was wrong with the person, perhaps they have cancer or whatever. I watched my grandmother "actively die" at home, she watched her husband before that and my mother was just diagnosed with an incurable lukemia. When it comes to the point that she is dying I don't want someone pussyfooting around and mincing words. They do that and I probably wont see her because I'll be thinking "oh, one more jump before I book a flight home wont hurt anything..."

If you don't know the nurse, the family, the dying person and how they speak and interact with each other it isn't really for you to say if she is behaving inappropriately. She may have spoken loudly enough for you to hear but you only heard one side of it and it wasn't intended for you. Medical personnel are always coining new catch phrases too. Where she works that may be the term that they are asked to use.

Let it go. Everyone dies eventually. I would guess that actively dying means that it is becoming imminent - so make your plans accordingly you are just about out of time.

[SkydiverRick 0]

Everyone dies eventually. I would guess that actively dying means that it is becoming imminent - so make your plans accordingly you are just about out of time.

[skytrixaz 0]

Quote

... while putting in a unit for a woman whose father is very ill,,, the Visiting Nurse Service
nurse came by..........
........ 3 times I overheard her tell the family,,,
...." Well you should know, 'He's Actively Dying'..."
..... HUH?????.... "actively dying" ??????....

Sounds like you're a very compassionate person. Many years ago I learned what it means to be actively dying, a term I'd never heard before. To be actively dying means a person's body (usually someone who is terminally ill) is physically changing as it readies for death. The changes can include not eating, difficulty moving arms and legs, sometimes being confused, cold hands and feet, sleeping more as the person withdraws from the environment.

What about actively living? For me its to hug a friend, notice a sunset, to be available when someone needs me, to create music with my piano, marvel at the child I've given birth to and her inner beauty, walk daily with my Creator.

The fact that this nurse seemed to have to repeat three times "well you should know he's actively dying", she obviously missed the subtle signal from this man's family that they were in dire need of emotional support....whatever happened to TLC and compassion? Caring for a dying loved one at home is extremely challenging for a family. What about the dying man? Feeling loss of control, frustration, dispair, increased dependence on others in the dying process. I also can understand how difficult it must be for doctors/nurses/health professionals. Managed care limits their time with patients, bounces patients through, which in turn limits their perspective.

I think you handled the situation just fine.
g