wmw999 2,507 #1 October 9, 2003 Had an interesting conversation with the offspring unit the other night. He was telling me that too many girls come to him for relationship advice (he wishes some would come for relationship). So I suggested he start raiding, and he said something about rebound relationships. I complimented him on his intelligence (he is, of course, very intelligent -- not that I'm prejudiced ), and reminded him of my neighbor, whose rebound relationship ended, as she predicted, in just over a year. He started laughing. "Huh?" He reminded me that at 19, a year-long relationship is a long-term, and and talking about its ending soon sounds funny. I think I've gotten older . That year just doesn't seem that long any more. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katiebear21 0 #2 October 9, 2003 Considering my longest relationship is 2 years I'm probably not the best one to respond. I agree though, I don't think 1 year is that long (except this last year)... but I do agree it is relative to age. When I was 19 if I lasted 6 months that was good! Now, I tend to think about happiness as opposed to units of time. A good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. Katie Get your PMS glass necklace here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #3 October 9, 2003 QuoteA good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. Hmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bkdice 0 #4 October 9, 2003 QuoteNow, I tend to think about happiness as opposed to units of time. A good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. I agree with you. I was previously in a 6-year relationship, but it never reached the intensity and bliss of the 16 month relationship I'm currently in. I feel like I've loved him all my life, and will love him for the rest of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skymama 37 #5 October 9, 2003 People are often surprised when they hear that I'm not rushing out to get married again. I'm enjoying being on my own and remind them that there's no need to rush since I was in a 19 year relationship. A lot of people have to get married 3 times to have that! She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bkdice 0 #6 October 9, 2003 QuoteHmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. I used to think that too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites katiebear21 0 #7 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteHmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. I used to think that too. Right on... not saying it doensn't require effort or won't require more effort in the future but sometimes things are just easy and that's the way it is. Katie Get your PMS glass necklace here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites FliegendeWolf 0 #8 October 9, 2003 I don't know...I really don't believe that those couples you see married and happy for 50 years don't work super-hard to make it happen. The thing is, relationships are supposed to start out blissful. If they didn't, no one would bother getting into them. I think it's natures little prank to ensure we stay together long enough to procreate. Would anyone dress up and go out night after night trying to find that someone who will constantly be leaving the toilet seat up? or someone who can't finish a sentance without including "I'm so fat" in it somewhere? The bliss never lasts forever, though. As time passes, reality sets in and a couple needs to deal with the fact that their partner isn't perfect and that there are things that their partner does that really pisses them off. The couple must start making some compromises and learn to accept that they cannot change each other. Many times, when the bliss fades, couples break up because they see the amount of work required and rather than face it, they blame their partner for all the problems (after all, it isn't they who has changed, but things obviously aren't as nice as they used to be) and bail, looking for another relationship where they can get their fix of bliss again. Don't interpret this as cynicism. I'm very happy to be with Ali right now, but it is a lot of work. It's just work that I'm willing to take on because I think the rewards are totally worth it.A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Blahr 0 #9 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteA good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. Hmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. Good relationships take work and patience on the part of both participants. Period. ANYONE can make a relationship work for 6 months or a year without much effort. Making them last years is hard. It requires comittment, patience, and lot and lots of love. All that love is absolutely necessary to get you through the periods of intense anger at each other. Those periods WILL happen to everyone eventually. Thats where the hard work comes in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites narcimund 0 #10 October 9, 2003 Almost five years into my wonderful relationship with Raist, I think five years would be WAY too short. In fact, there's no number of years that would be 'enough'. I don't understand the concept of "long term relationship." It's either a temporary relationship or a permanent one. Temporary relationships from 1 week to 10 years both seem like the same thing to me. By the way, I guess you could call my relationship a "rebound" if you like. And yet I'm living in a way to make sure it's permanent. How 'bout that? First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingferret 0 #11 October 9, 2003 Just my $.02, but I would highly recommend a book called "The 5 love Languages" By Gary Chapman. It basically sums up the idea of work, and why some have it and some don't. It made perfect sense to me, and left me thinking why didn't I see that. Quick summary: Every relationship has an in love period where you think that person is eliminates all other concerns in the world. Sooner or later this changes, it transitions. This is where many people lose hope, because the bliss is not there. But this is where love really comes in. The author believes (and so do I) that love is a choice and not an emotion, although it has great emotional benefits. After the in love stage, both people have to choose love to keep going. After that, the 5 languages come in. Basically, everyone speaking a different dialect of love, which can kind of be grouped into 5 langauges: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Based on upbringing, personality, etc. actions from one catergory or another might communicate love to you more than another. Often times lovers do not speak the same language. Many times couples fail because each thinks that they are loving and getting feedback. Because, very intuitively they are offering gestures that would mean love to them. They love how they would like to be loved. If you realize this and learn your partners love language it is amazing what you see. It is amazing how the idea of work changes to "understanding another human soul" which can be very very enjoyable. This book really really solidified how I think about relationship, and with a partner that shares the same concept, I have never felt loved the way I do now. The book is a short read, couple hundred pages, about $11. Even if you end up hating it, give it a shot, it might really affect you.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites EricaH 0 #12 October 9, 2003 Sounds like a very good book!! Great concept. I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than 6 months (and only one of those). My current one is just 5 months old & survived the 4 month curse. That's normally when I run away scared. So, @ 27 yrs of age... 1 yr seems like a very long time. But my so & I talk about next spring like it's tomorrow & I feel like it is as close as tomorrow. The last few months have flown by & I can't imagine not being w/ him, so suddenly 1 year isn't so long. I think time is a matter of prospective. Age has something to do w/ it but more so is the mutual enjoyment of the person your spending time beside. There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear. PMS #227 (just like the TV show) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
skymama 37 #5 October 9, 2003 People are often surprised when they hear that I'm not rushing out to get married again. I'm enjoying being on my own and remind them that there's no need to rush since I was in a 19 year relationship. A lot of people have to get married 3 times to have that! She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bkdice 0 #6 October 9, 2003 QuoteHmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. I used to think that too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites katiebear21 0 #7 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteHmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. I used to think that too. Right on... not saying it doensn't require effort or won't require more effort in the future but sometimes things are just easy and that's the way it is. Katie Get your PMS glass necklace here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites FliegendeWolf 0 #8 October 9, 2003 I don't know...I really don't believe that those couples you see married and happy for 50 years don't work super-hard to make it happen. The thing is, relationships are supposed to start out blissful. If they didn't, no one would bother getting into them. I think it's natures little prank to ensure we stay together long enough to procreate. Would anyone dress up and go out night after night trying to find that someone who will constantly be leaving the toilet seat up? or someone who can't finish a sentance without including "I'm so fat" in it somewhere? The bliss never lasts forever, though. As time passes, reality sets in and a couple needs to deal with the fact that their partner isn't perfect and that there are things that their partner does that really pisses them off. The couple must start making some compromises and learn to accept that they cannot change each other. Many times, when the bliss fades, couples break up because they see the amount of work required and rather than face it, they blame their partner for all the problems (after all, it isn't they who has changed, but things obviously aren't as nice as they used to be) and bail, looking for another relationship where they can get their fix of bliss again. Don't interpret this as cynicism. I'm very happy to be with Ali right now, but it is a lot of work. It's just work that I'm willing to take on because I think the rewards are totally worth it.A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Blahr 0 #9 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteA good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. Hmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. Good relationships take work and patience on the part of both participants. Period. ANYONE can make a relationship work for 6 months or a year without much effort. Making them last years is hard. It requires comittment, patience, and lot and lots of love. All that love is absolutely necessary to get you through the periods of intense anger at each other. Those periods WILL happen to everyone eventually. Thats where the hard work comes in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites narcimund 0 #10 October 9, 2003 Almost five years into my wonderful relationship with Raist, I think five years would be WAY too short. In fact, there's no number of years that would be 'enough'. I don't understand the concept of "long term relationship." It's either a temporary relationship or a permanent one. Temporary relationships from 1 week to 10 years both seem like the same thing to me. By the way, I guess you could call my relationship a "rebound" if you like. And yet I'm living in a way to make sure it's permanent. How 'bout that? First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingferret 0 #11 October 9, 2003 Just my $.02, but I would highly recommend a book called "The 5 love Languages" By Gary Chapman. It basically sums up the idea of work, and why some have it and some don't. It made perfect sense to me, and left me thinking why didn't I see that. Quick summary: Every relationship has an in love period where you think that person is eliminates all other concerns in the world. Sooner or later this changes, it transitions. This is where many people lose hope, because the bliss is not there. But this is where love really comes in. The author believes (and so do I) that love is a choice and not an emotion, although it has great emotional benefits. After the in love stage, both people have to choose love to keep going. After that, the 5 languages come in. Basically, everyone speaking a different dialect of love, which can kind of be grouped into 5 langauges: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Based on upbringing, personality, etc. actions from one catergory or another might communicate love to you more than another. Often times lovers do not speak the same language. Many times couples fail because each thinks that they are loving and getting feedback. Because, very intuitively they are offering gestures that would mean love to them. They love how they would like to be loved. If you realize this and learn your partners love language it is amazing what you see. It is amazing how the idea of work changes to "understanding another human soul" which can be very very enjoyable. This book really really solidified how I think about relationship, and with a partner that shares the same concept, I have never felt loved the way I do now. The book is a short read, couple hundred pages, about $11. Even if you end up hating it, give it a shot, it might really affect you.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites EricaH 0 #12 October 9, 2003 Sounds like a very good book!! Great concept. I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than 6 months (and only one of those). My current one is just 5 months old & survived the 4 month curse. That's normally when I run away scared. So, @ 27 yrs of age... 1 yr seems like a very long time. But my so & I talk about next spring like it's tomorrow & I feel like it is as close as tomorrow. The last few months have flown by & I can't imagine not being w/ him, so suddenly 1 year isn't so long. I think time is a matter of prospective. Age has something to do w/ it but more so is the mutual enjoyment of the person your spending time beside. There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear. PMS #227 (just like the TV show) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
katiebear21 0 #7 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteHmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. I used to think that too. Right on... not saying it doensn't require effort or won't require more effort in the future but sometimes things are just easy and that's the way it is. Katie Get your PMS glass necklace here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #8 October 9, 2003 I don't know...I really don't believe that those couples you see married and happy for 50 years don't work super-hard to make it happen. The thing is, relationships are supposed to start out blissful. If they didn't, no one would bother getting into them. I think it's natures little prank to ensure we stay together long enough to procreate. Would anyone dress up and go out night after night trying to find that someone who will constantly be leaving the toilet seat up? or someone who can't finish a sentance without including "I'm so fat" in it somewhere? The bliss never lasts forever, though. As time passes, reality sets in and a couple needs to deal with the fact that their partner isn't perfect and that there are things that their partner does that really pisses them off. The couple must start making some compromises and learn to accept that they cannot change each other. Many times, when the bliss fades, couples break up because they see the amount of work required and rather than face it, they blame their partner for all the problems (after all, it isn't they who has changed, but things obviously aren't as nice as they used to be) and bail, looking for another relationship where they can get their fix of bliss again. Don't interpret this as cynicism. I'm very happy to be with Ali right now, but it is a lot of work. It's just work that I'm willing to take on because I think the rewards are totally worth it.A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blahr 0 #9 October 9, 2003 QuoteQuoteA good relationship that takes very little work makes it seem like time just flies by. Hmmm...I didn't think there were good relationships that take very little work. Good relationships take work and patience on the part of both participants. Period. ANYONE can make a relationship work for 6 months or a year without much effort. Making them last years is hard. It requires comittment, patience, and lot and lots of love. All that love is absolutely necessary to get you through the periods of intense anger at each other. Those periods WILL happen to everyone eventually. Thats where the hard work comes in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #10 October 9, 2003 Almost five years into my wonderful relationship with Raist, I think five years would be WAY too short. In fact, there's no number of years that would be 'enough'. I don't understand the concept of "long term relationship." It's either a temporary relationship or a permanent one. Temporary relationships from 1 week to 10 years both seem like the same thing to me. By the way, I guess you could call my relationship a "rebound" if you like. And yet I'm living in a way to make sure it's permanent. How 'bout that? First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #11 October 9, 2003 Just my $.02, but I would highly recommend a book called "The 5 love Languages" By Gary Chapman. It basically sums up the idea of work, and why some have it and some don't. It made perfect sense to me, and left me thinking why didn't I see that. Quick summary: Every relationship has an in love period where you think that person is eliminates all other concerns in the world. Sooner or later this changes, it transitions. This is where many people lose hope, because the bliss is not there. But this is where love really comes in. The author believes (and so do I) that love is a choice and not an emotion, although it has great emotional benefits. After the in love stage, both people have to choose love to keep going. After that, the 5 languages come in. Basically, everyone speaking a different dialect of love, which can kind of be grouped into 5 langauges: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Based on upbringing, personality, etc. actions from one catergory or another might communicate love to you more than another. Often times lovers do not speak the same language. Many times couples fail because each thinks that they are loving and getting feedback. Because, very intuitively they are offering gestures that would mean love to them. They love how they would like to be loved. If you realize this and learn your partners love language it is amazing what you see. It is amazing how the idea of work changes to "understanding another human soul" which can be very very enjoyable. This book really really solidified how I think about relationship, and with a partner that shares the same concept, I have never felt loved the way I do now. The book is a short read, couple hundred pages, about $11. Even if you end up hating it, give it a shot, it might really affect you.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH 0 #12 October 9, 2003 Sounds like a very good book!! Great concept. I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than 6 months (and only one of those). My current one is just 5 months old & survived the 4 month curse. That's normally when I run away scared. So, @ 27 yrs of age... 1 yr seems like a very long time. But my so & I talk about next spring like it's tomorrow & I feel like it is as close as tomorrow. The last few months have flown by & I can't imagine not being w/ him, so suddenly 1 year isn't so long. I think time is a matter of prospective. Age has something to do w/ it but more so is the mutual enjoyment of the person your spending time beside. There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear. PMS #227 (just like the TV show) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
