chachi 0 #51 October 8, 2002 I say that if my gf kissed another guy when she was drunk I would not take it hard if I found out. Especially if she sounded as remorseful as you do. I also would hope that a bunch of people would not encourage her to tell me if they knew I would be jealous and break up with her. Ignorance is bliss I say. He doesn't and won't find out so why tell and ruin something potentially good. Unless you want him to break up with you. ~45 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SBS 0 #53 October 8, 2002 People keep saying "it doesn't matter, so don't tell", and you are saying, "it meant nothing". If it meant nothing, then you wouldn't have an issue with it. What you have done is create an issue between you and your so. That will hang in your relationship whether he knows it or not, until it is out in the open. If it is a big deal to you, then it WILL manifest itsself in other parts of your relationship. I'm not saying you have to run to him every time you look at someone else, etc., but if it is an issue for you, then it is indirectly an issue for him, since you are in this together, and it needs to be addressed. I also don't agree with the idea that this means that you don't love your so. I do think that it probably means something down deep, but not necessarily that you don't want to be with him. That is something that you have to address yourself, because all we can do is speculate. -S_____________ I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #54 October 8, 2002 If she wants to keep and improve the relationship, perhaps an "instructional" video? "Yeah, this is the guy I was kissing. See how he grabbed by butt? I like that...and that tongue tickle thingy behind the ear..." My roommate has a camera and if I could help in any way (and I have a few ways)... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #55 October 8, 2002 QuoteI say tell him. If it is eating away at you, you won't be able to enjoy the relationship anyway. You will be too busy worrying if he will find out or even just feeling guilty. I'm riding the fence on the subject in general. I do agree that it happened for a reason Tho. all excuses aside, you need to do some soul searching and really think about how important this relationship is to you. Someone mentioned "if you really loved the guy, you couldn't look at another man". THAT is a bit extreme, but if you really love him you shouldn't be kissing someone else. What's the saying ? Look but DON'T touch"? Back to what I originally wanted to comment on... I COMPLETELY DISAGREE with the quoted statement. All you are doing is transfering your guilt onto someone else so YOU can feel better. The result is the other person feels betrayed and hurt (if it really is serious) while you feel better. This is YOUR cross to bear.....I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,991 #56 October 8, 2002 >Well, I really wouldn't blame him if he did dump you. It doesn't >matter that it didn't mean anything to you, it's the basic issue of > trust that you broke. I can deal with people doing stupid things; heck, I do stupid things. I have more trouble dealing with dishonesty. If someone fooled around with someone else and told me about it, it would bother me, but we'd get over it. If they lied about it I wouldn't get over it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sweetgirl 0 #57 October 8, 2002 Hello...reread my above post...I said that statement does not apply to all. Just me! Y.O.L.O Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #58 October 8, 2002 [waving ARMS madly] HI!!!!! I see you TOO!!!!! I wasn't commenting on what you wrote, but rather what Skyrose had written. That's why it said on TOP, RE:(SkyRose)I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #59 October 8, 2002 QuoteI also would hope that a bunch of people would not encourage her to tell me if they knew I would be jealous and break up with her. I would hope that he/she would never tell a bunch of people, figure it out on their own, and come to me only. That's just me. I would break up over a drunk kiss. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I absolutely believe in trust and believe in faithfulness. If I'm in a relationship with you, I must trust you. I don't date anyone I don't trust. This is also why I'm NOT the jealous type. My boy-toy can tell me if he thinks so-and-so on televsion is hot, or he can go out with his guy friends all night and I have no worries. I trust him. If he kissed another, I'd want to know and our relationship would end. Simple as that. Thankfully, I know that would never happen on either end b/c we both have mutal respect to break up with one another if we felt we were interested in someone else or wanted to explore other avenues. If you don't have trust, you don't have shit, in my opinion. However, I realize others feel differently, AND I can see it's obvious Tara is remorseful and don't think she's a bad person for simply kissing another guy. She obvioiusly learned a lesson. And sometimes, learning lessons the hard way are the best kind. Other than all that, even though she asked, I'm done sticking my nose in someone else's business. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
taraflyer 0 #60 October 8, 2002 It's over. I just called him and told him what happened. He didn't say a word, just hung up. Fuck! It's not flying--it's falling with STYLE... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #61 October 8, 2002 good points Bill. Question for you tho. When is it being dishonest? When they lie and deny it? Is it also being dishonest if someone does not mention it?I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SBS 0 #62 October 8, 2002 All you are doing is transfering your guilt onto someone else so YOU can feel better. ------------- That is not true. Yes, in the long run, the person will probably feel better. At the same time, though, he/she is doing something else: Giving the SO all the facts to that he/she can make a decision for themselves. If they do not know what is going on, they are being cheated out of free will, which I consider worse than the kiss. I think that in the beginning, the shock of the situation will be dramatic, but in the long run, it will provide for a better relationship for BOTH parties, to harbor no secrets. -S_____________ I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #63 October 8, 2002 QuoteHe didn't say a word, just hung up. Fuck! Ahh...don't write it off yet. Let him blow off some steam. Maybe send him a nice card or something. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy 0 #64 October 8, 2002 AACCKKKK........not on the phone???? I'm sorry..I shouldn't say that. So sorry you're having to deal with this. But if he's not willing to even discuss this with you reasonably then you're going to be better off in the long run. Just seems to me that he would have cared enough to at least examine this situation with you and move beyond it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,991 #65 October 8, 2002 >When is it being dishonest? When they lie and deny it? Definitely. >Is it also being dishonest if someone does not mention it? Depends on your relationship. Some people just don't want to know some things about another person; the 'ignorance is bliss' thing. That can work, but I would make sure of that _before_ there's an issue with it, not after. Heck, some people have open relationships, and are OK with their SO seeing other people. I think even those relationships can work as long as you're honest about what you want and what you expect - both to your partner and yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blondeflyer7 0 #66 October 8, 2002 (finally stops laughing).....was this a question....really???? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #67 October 8, 2002 I agree with THAT, but not to tell someone else so YOU don't feel guilty any longer....I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aneblett 0 #68 October 8, 2002 Don't give up yet... ..wait a bit let him digest. hope all works out in the end. AgeS.E.X. party #2 ..It is far worse to live with fear, than to die confronting it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #69 October 8, 2002 Consequences, hunny, of your actions. They suck, I know. But like I said, if it's meant to be, he will forgive you. You just told him, he is still in shock mode. He may get over it, he may not. You will be okay, hun, either way. Hang in there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blondeflyer7 0 #70 October 8, 2002 I tried to tell you to wait it out.....oh well....if you need a friend PM me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SBS 0 #71 October 8, 2002 but not to tell someone else so YOU don't feel guilty any longer.... ------------ right. (not sarcastic...totally serious...I agree with this statement). :)_____________ I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sweetgirl 0 #72 October 8, 2002 A bird does not sing because it has an answer... it sings because it has a song. -- Ancient Chinese proverb don't ask--I'm feeling philosophical Y.O.L.O Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SBS 0 #73 October 8, 2002 If you listen to the bird in search of the answer...it will probably elude you. If you listen, though, and hear its song...you may just find the answer you were looking for. ;-) -S_____________ I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #74 October 8, 2002 Tara, Simply put, you fucked up. I don't mean to be harsh, but you did. The "I was drunk" excuse is for immature people. Adults know what is behind their actions. I would look at this as a test of your relationship. If you are truly sorry, and you expressed this genuinely then I think after some time he will come back. If he doesn't, I'm afraid to say, you never really had him. Good luck to you and hang in there. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #75 October 8, 2002 Quote Maybe send him a nice card or something. And cook him a nice meal, and then, oral sex! (c'mon, she asked for relationship advice on dropzone.com - Dr Drew and Adam we are not. Well... maybe Adam...)it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
