You know you're a drunk when...

[SpeedRacer 1]

You Know You're a Drunk When...

You don’t recognize the difference between “waking up” and “coming to.”
You donate a pint of blood and the hospital has to card the patient they give it to.

Your liver enters itself in a Tough Man competition.

You wear Hawaiian shirts because it’s tougher to see vomit stains on them.

In high school, you were voted most likely to drink in grade school.

Peeling the label off a beer bottle arouses you.

You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a “shameless alcoholic.”

You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.

You were against going to war with Iraq until you found out those poor fuckers aren’t allowed to drink.

Your girlfriend left you because you accidentally cried out “Glenfiddich” while making love.

You come home sober and your dog bites you.

The cafeteria in the detox center has a sandwich named after you.

You can’t recognize your best friend unless he’s leaning against a bar. With a drink in his hand. Drunk.

You like a splash of coffee in your morning whiskey.

You can blow a .08 BAC from twenty feet away.

You take swim trunks to brewery tours.

You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.

You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.

You’re shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.

When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, “Which one?”

You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.

You’re definition of a problem drinker is guy who won’t buy you a round.

You know hangovers only last a day, but a good drinking story lives on forever. A good drinking buddy will bail you out of jail, but a great drinking buddy will be sitting in the cell beside you, saying, “Man, that was awesome!”

The last words you remember each night are, “Hold my beer and watch this!”

You’re disappointed when you go to a funeral and there’s no keg.

The bartender asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.

Two weeks into the bender you found out “Drink Canada Dry” was a corporate slogan, not a challenge.

For the money you’ve spent on Thunderbird, you could have bought the car.

You say when your drunk what you think when you’re sober.

Beer does not make you fat. It makes you lean— against bars, poles and tables.

You always drink Irish Coffee for breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol.

You don't drink anymore . . . of course, you don't drink any less, either.

You recognize that vomiting is just the body’s way of making room for another round.

You distrust camels or anything else that can go a week without a drink.

You're favorite method of dieting is the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

You fell down two flights of stairs and didn’t spill a drop.

You hated Ted Kennedy until you realized he can probably outdrink you.

You consider vodka a chaser.

When you were in high school you had a poster of W.C. Fields on your bedroom wall.

You get so drunk Bud Light starts tasting like beer.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[D22369 0]

--->You fell down two flights of stairs and didn’t spill a drop.


---> my new hero

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[Jayruss 0]

Quote

You Know You're a Drunk When...

You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.

I've been looking for this solution for a long time

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"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes