Michele 1 #1 July 30, 2003 Sitting in my car, the clouds gather above me, a warm wind blowing. I have the radio on, but I am just not ready to exit the car after the 94 mile drive. Not just yet. I turn up the music, and feel it vibrate, and sing along. Music gives me energy, you see, and I am in sore need of some. The song over, I see Mujie and Lisa Parks pull up across the way, and I wave through my sunroof at them. She's here. I can't imagine how hard this will be for her...how difficult and how almost otherworldly. And I will be there for her, however I can. I gather my faith and my hope, and step out of the car. Mujie crosses the grass at Elsinore, walking towards me. I can see she's fighting tears - and why not, indeed, why not. I wrap my arms around her, hold her tight, and murmur love into her ear. She trembles, and I kiss her hair, fighting tears myself. I hug her again, and tell her who sent that one. And another, and another, and a fourth, fifth, sixth...the hugs that have been sent I deliver...until she starts to smile. We walk over to the picnic tables, and sit down. It's very quiet, 11 am on an overcast monday. And it's peaceful. She looks around, memories flashing across her face. She hugs herself, and I kick her in the shin. "hey, didja bring gear?" I ask. She nods. "Want me to go manifest? Are you ready for this today? We can wait if you want, girl"...I want her to have the option to not go up, if she isn't ready. I want her to have the room to say no if she needs to...and I want her to make the choice for herself. She looks up at me, tears brimming and spilling down her cheeks. She nods. "You sure?" I ask, and she nods again. I go manifest. While there, I talk a little with Betsy and Lob, who ask about her. They express the same concerns I have, but they also haven't seen the need and the strength in her as I've seen over the last few days. I share my concerns with them, but also tell them I think she will be all right, and that it really is her call. They understand...after all, as Lob says, "she's a skydiver. That's what we do, what we need." 20 minute call... Lisa and I will do a two-way, and despite our wanting Mujie to join us, she wants to solo. I can totally understand that. I know she needs to be in the sky with Rob alone, to touch his heart once more, to be with him alone once again. Her grief is on her sleeve, and her need to do this so large. And I can't take it away. I can only support her however I can in beginning to heal, in surviving this time, in taking baby steps away from the tragedy and toward her new life. But damn it, fucking hell, I want to make it stop for her. And letting her fly alone today is one way I can support her. 10 minute call... We start gearing up. Lisa watches her turn on her cypres, and does a gear check while it's leaning against the picnic table. Lisa gets geared up, and I do a gear check. Except it's a Wings container, and the cypres is not where it is on mine. Muj starts laughing as I am looking at it, kinda scratching my head. "It's turned on, Michele", she says..."uh, all right. But where is it? Show me." I giggle, a tad chagrined to have been caught so blatantly. Then again, we all know tact is not necessarily a strong suit of mine, especially when I am gearing up myself....she points it out, and I look...yes, zero'd and lit. Fine and dandy. I check her altimeter for zero, and ask about her audible - where is it set? Is it on? She is looking at me, a mix of love and exasperation on her face. And I can't help but grin...and hug her again. 5 minute call... Lisa and I plan the dive as I get finished gearing up. Mujie has already made it down to the loading area, and I watch out of the corner of my eye as everyone on the load visually checks for handles available, straps done, the whole nine yards. I halfheartedly give the tandem passenger a hard time about his TM, and now it's time to get onto the plane... All 9 of us load up. We find seats, and I fight with the seatbelt as usual. I am not really nervous - my mind and my heart is with Mujie, and, as we power up and roll down the runway, I reach out and hold her hand...as the wheels lift off, tears trickle down her face, silently speaking of her loss and her pain. I rub her knee, and just maintain physical contact - letting her know I am here, we are here, we know, we understand, we love. The plane is inordinately quiet on the journey to altitude. And you could feel the vibes - all the vibes of the last few days, from around the world. Almost like a golden grid, I could sense them converging and being there, in the gloomy skies above Elsinore. I could almost see them arriving, waves upon waves of love coming, directed by prayers and hope. I look out the window, and watch the horizon drift lower and lower; the sea in the distance; the mountains pushing up, strong and solid. I see the lake, green and blue, pass beneath the plane, and I see the beauty which is this world, the intense panorama which greets our eyes, assails our senses in a way not common. And I can feel the hurt in this incredible person next to me. This temporarily fragile girlwoman, graceful in her grief, courageous beyond measure. Her strength is coming to the surface now, called out by circumstances beyond her control, demanded of her by this weekend's events. And she is meeting the crisis head-on, facing it, standing as the storm blows around her. How impressed I am by her - all of her - her fragility, her strength, her spirit's beauty, and the depth of her love for Rob. How in awe of her am I. 10K. Lob reaches out, gets Mujie's attention, and says "cypres check!" very matter of factly, as tears begin again to meander down Mujie's face. No simple pin check here...she leans over, and he finds the cypres. And checks her handles, straps, and altimeter. Satisfied, he starts to lean back, and I holler "me too!!!" and grin at Mujie. She is laughing through her tears...as I get the usual pin check, I notice that the exit order has subtlely changed...me and Lisa out, Mujie solo FF out, and then Chris Fiala and Ashley on a 2-way FF...and then the students... And now, it's time. As I stand up and move to the door, I grab Mujie's face between my hands, and kiss her. "I love you, Jess" I scream over the noise. "You are deeply loved. I'll see you on the ground"...and into the door, green light, check spot, and swing out...count, and go. I catch a brief glimpse of Mujie's face as I am leaving, and she is wiping tears away. She's next...but I am in the sky, and I have a jump to do. And so I do, but this isn't about my jump. All I will share is that I got my first kiss pass from Lisa Parks, and boy, was I surprised and was laughing out loud. Lisa says she was bored with me making faces at her... I deploy, and watch for canopies. My heart in my throat, I finally spot Mujie's canopy, and say a quick little prayer of thanks - it's whole, full, and flying well. I watch her pattern, and try to anticipate where she will land. Not that I can land anywhere near her, but I can try...and amazingly, as she touches down, I look out and see where I will land...about 75 feet away - which is actually pretty good, all things considered. As I fly directly over her head, I holler "hi, Jess" but she doesn't hear. As I am getting my canopy together, Jess comes over. And as I wrap my arms around her again, and again let her know she is loved, she weeps silent tears. But she is smiling...and there is a glimmer of peace in her eyes. Her healing has begun. Thank you, Jess my girl, for all you have taught me over the last few days...all you have shown me, all you have given me. I am a better person for knowing you. I love you. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thethinker 0 #2 July 30, 2003 That was really beautiful michele. We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. -Johann von Goethe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #3 July 30, 2003 That's absolutely beautiful Michelle. Mujie......my thoughts are with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #4 July 30, 2003 Wow..that was so beautifully written, and so full of emotion. Thank you for sharing that. "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NoPush 0 #5 July 30, 2003 That was absolutely beautiful Michele………..Thank you so much for sharing……All of our thoughts have been with Mujie and that was like being there!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzdiva 7 #6 July 30, 2003 "It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #7 July 30, 2003 Thanks for sharing.__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #8 July 30, 2003 Dang it Michele. You gotta quit doing that. It's hard to type with tears rolling down my cheeks. But I do feel better for Mujie after reading this, thanks. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #9 July 30, 2003 Beautiful. How is everyone else able to type so quickly with tears streaming down their faces? It's difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with Mujie. Thank you, Michele. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #10 July 30, 2003 Beautifully written, Michele! I had not read of the weekends happenings, but i'm off to find it. I'm so sorry for Mujie to have had to experience such pain. I'm glad you were there for her. Angela. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sinker 0 #11 July 30, 2003 you're right, think, that was incredibly beautiful. Michele, in the midst of this difficult time, for Muj, you, and everyone there, you've managed once again to put your wonderful writing talent to use-- and this time it's a talent that is healing... thanks so much for sharing that jump. Peace to you Muj!! You're loved... love, me -the artist formerly known as sinker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #12 July 30, 2003 Michele, my sweety...thanks for that. You give of yourself selflessly. I know that personally. I know Jessica is going to do real well with her healing having you as her friend. And Jessica, I've never met you personally, but I am a very close friend of Michele's. And any friend of hers is a friend of mind. My prayers are with you Jess. Have hope and hold on to all the love that is surrounding you. PM if you ever want to talk. Michele can attest that I am a pretty good listener. Love ya, Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #13 July 30, 2003 I hope that, if I ever need it, I will have a friend as good as you were to Mujie. You make the world a happier place one Kleenex at a time. -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #14 July 30, 2003 {{ icon for crying face inserted here }} Very beautifully written, Michele! Mujie, hon, prayers, vibes and as many hugs as you can handle are sent to you.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boudy 0 #15 July 30, 2003 The powerful elegance of a lesson in loving and life spoken straight from a very compassionate heart . I have been touched over time by the pluck, charm & spirit of Jess and her friends at DZ.com. I visit DZ.com often but seldom post so there isn't much to know me by. But as I send my affectionate, supportive embrace to those hurting from this heartbreaking tradegy, especially Jess, I can't help but believe that many other non-posters are doing the same and a multitude of hearts & prayers - perhaps well beyond what you imagined - are with you. Peace to you of such special spirit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
outofit 0 #16 July 30, 2003 very poetic and very meaningful! It is better to be dead and cool than alive and uncool! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sinker 0 #17 July 30, 2003 hey, I really appreciate that you came out from lurking to post that... well said... -the artist formerly known as sinker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #18 July 30, 2003 My heart goes out to Mujie. Michele, you touch all of our hearts and feelings. Jan -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #19 July 30, 2003 Very few people in this world we live in have the good fortune to have a friend like you. You are truly a special person. Your heart is pure. Thank you for sharing with us. SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Layton 0 #20 July 30, 2003 sniffle.you people are great.***if you are going to be stupid you better be tough Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sam69 0 #21 July 30, 2003 just want to say firstly to mujie my thoughts are with you, and to Michelle for writing such caring thoughts. I dont know you guys but i hope if i ever needed help and support from my friends, there would be people like you guys there, your all great!!xxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D22369 0 #22 July 30, 2003 Thank you for sharing Blue skies RoyThey say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #23 July 30, 2003 Boudy, you know what? I know there are tons of lurkers who are keeping her in their prayers and thoughts...and that is the amazing part of this community. Thanks for "coming out" and posting...it's things like this that help more than people realize. Thanks for all the vibes sent her way. Don't stop, please keep them coming, and know they are being felt. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blondeflyer7 0 #24 July 30, 2003 QuoteBoudy, you know what? I know there are tons of lurkers who are keeping her in their prayers and thoughts...and that is the amazing part of this community. Thanks for "coming out" and posting...it's things like this that help more than people realize. Thanks for all the vibes sent her way. Don't stop, please keep them coming, and know they are being felt. Ciels- Michele Vibes sent.......... <<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #25 July 30, 2003 ~~~ wow ~~~I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
