Sebazz1 2 #1 July 29, 2003 1. How Do You Catch A Unique bird? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch A Tame bird? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids 7. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick. 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On TheTitanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack ! 22. How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer ! Now, admit it! At least one of these made you smile! Have a great day !!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malfunction 0 #2 July 29, 2003 where did you get these? They made my day... I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #3 July 29, 2003 I saw that this morning along with the one listed below.......LOL! An engineer of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle corporation died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. The Engineer asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes, I am." "Well," said the Engineer, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust. And finally! 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous." "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God. "Hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the Engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
newshooter12 0 #4 July 29, 2003 thanks for the laughs... they remind me of a college friend.... my vote is for: "17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. " Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #5 July 29, 2003 Quotethanks for the laughs... they remind me of a college friend.... my vote is for: "17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. " *sniff*.... that reminded me of my dead seeing-eye dog it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #6 July 29, 2003 Number 8 did it for me. Thanks Seb, i needed that today. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #7 July 29, 2003 LMAO, those were awesome, thanks for the laugh. "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 219 #8 July 29, 2003 In before aggiedave Quote 21. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack ! 21.1 What's The Difference Between A Good 4-way team and a bad4-way team? A Bad 4-way team Goes, Whack, whack whack, whack. A good 4-way team Goes, Whack! 21.2 What's The Difference Between A Good 4-way team and a Great 4-way team? A Good 4-way team Goes, Whack. A Great 4-way team Goes, Whack, and then turns another point.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malfunction 0 #9 July 29, 2003 only a skydiver would think like that! I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #10 July 29, 2003 http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=362836#362836 __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #11 July 29, 2003 In before Quade. You forgot the video flyer... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #12 July 29, 2003 Yeah well it was posted six months ago... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #13 July 29, 2003 QuoteYeah well it was posted six months ago... Well i didn't see it 6 months ago. At least i don't think i did. Hrm, maybe i should click the linky poo and see if i responded to that thread...or i could just wait and have Ivan point it out for me. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #14 July 29, 2003 QuoteI could just wait and have Ivan point it out for me. You didn't reply. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #15 July 29, 2003 Good boy Ivan..are you ready for your next assignment? ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 219 #16 July 29, 2003 No I didn't...I like those guys...I don't want them to go whack besides who was going to film the last point?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #17 July 29, 2003 If one goes my friend we all go...... Just kidding Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites CrazyIvan 0 #18 July 29, 2003 QuoteGood boy Ivan..are you ready for your next assignment? Sure. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Malfunction 0 #19 July 30, 2003 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger! In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,....alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully .... for the last time .... I said..... "BRING POSSE!" I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites CrazyIvan 0 #20 July 30, 2003 QuoteI said..... "BRING POSSE!" LOL!!!__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites DYEVOUT 0 #21 July 30, 2003 Brad, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make progress with any of the girls, so he heads over to the guard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing those baggy swim trunks that make you look like an old geezer. Grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato inside. I'm telling you, man, you'll have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his new Speedos, and his fist-sized potato and it's even worse than before. Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick. So, Brad goes back to the lifeguard again and asks him, "What's wrong now?" "Dude!" says the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!" ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TEB6363 0 #22 July 30, 2003 Great thread.. Still laughing... But trying to get the potato picture out of my mind Once the plane takes off, you're gonna have to land - Might as well jump out!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites dzdiva 7 #23 July 30, 2003 LMFAO!! Thanks I needed that!"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Cava 0 #24 July 30, 2003 Great one Malfunction. How does a blind skydiver know when to flare? The leash goes slack. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites feuergnom 28 #25 July 30, 2003 i suppose this is meant for dz.coms most favourable & well respected surfguru isn't ?The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle dudeist skydiver # 666 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
CrazyIvan 0 #18 July 29, 2003 QuoteGood boy Ivan..are you ready for your next assignment? Sure. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malfunction 0 #19 July 30, 2003 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger! In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,....alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully .... for the last time .... I said..... "BRING POSSE!" I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #20 July 30, 2003 QuoteI said..... "BRING POSSE!" LOL!!!__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #21 July 30, 2003 Brad, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make progress with any of the girls, so he heads over to the guard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing those baggy swim trunks that make you look like an old geezer. Grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato inside. I'm telling you, man, you'll have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his new Speedos, and his fist-sized potato and it's even worse than before. Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick. So, Brad goes back to the lifeguard again and asks him, "What's wrong now?" "Dude!" says the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!" ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TEB6363 0 #22 July 30, 2003 Great thread.. Still laughing... But trying to get the potato picture out of my mind Once the plane takes off, you're gonna have to land - Might as well jump out!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzdiva 7 #23 July 30, 2003 LMFAO!! Thanks I needed that!"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cava 0 #24 July 30, 2003 Great one Malfunction. How does a blind skydiver know when to flare? The leash goes slack. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
feuergnom 28 #25 July 30, 2003 i suppose this is meant for dz.coms most favourable & well respected surfguru isn't ?The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle dudeist skydiver # 666 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
