jumprunner 0 #101 July 30, 2003 QuoteBwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! OMG!!! Hey Keith can i borrow that dress? I have a $700 date comming up and need something special to wear. Got anything ina size 4? LOL Roflmao Oh...so thats how I get a date with you! Guess I better start saving up... Guess that new surfboard will just have to wait... PS - now I have to say "Im kidding" because you always take me seriously Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #102 July 30, 2003 This isn't really about gays, but it has some sodomy in it and it's funny QuoteThere was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!" -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vertifly 0 #103 July 30, 2003 Yeah... I wish the whole world of men were GAY and half of the women!!! More ladies for me (I mean us), woohooo!!! LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Keith 0 #104 July 30, 2003 That's the one! Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #105 July 30, 2003 QuoteDude, If you check, my response was to AggieDave's post, not yours. In fact, I skipped over yours. So I really don't know what your rant is about. BTW, if you met skydiverbrian, I think you would have all your answers to your problems. He's a hottie. Chris Okay, my mistake, I thought you were addresssing me. Gee I dont know....can he dress up like Dolly Pardon? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #106 July 30, 2003 QuoteIt isnt about me bashing gays, its about me geting bashed for not being such a good Victorian when it comes to talking about women and then being called stupid shit like "stalker, lonely, desperate" just because Im talking about women. Im the victim here. Nope. The victims here are the rest of us who have to read your drivel. Why you post here is beyond my ken, why you are allowed to post here is even more beyond my ken. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #107 July 30, 2003 Quotebalanced, mature, playful, self-confident, sexy I want a guy like that.Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #108 July 30, 2003 Quoteand other ways that make people think, "balanced, mature, playful, self-confident, sexy"? Thank you Narci...I couldn't have said it any better than you. I for one do not find it sexy to be referred to as a "chic" but thats just me. Nor do I find it even remotely interesting to hear about a man's fantacy in a public forum. Some things are well...just better left private. QuoteIm the victim here There are no victims here, only those that choose to play in that role. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MC208B 0 #109 July 30, 2003 yes....you are the victim, a pathetic one at that Now, for a fag joke! Two gay undertakers were out on the town living it up, dinner, ballet and wrapping things up at a bar. After a few hours at the bar, the waiter came around and asked if the boys would like another drink. They looked at each other and the clock then replied, no thanks, we're going back to the funeral home to suck down a couple cold ones And Muenkel? what's wrong with the drag queens? some of them look pretty damm good Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #110 July 30, 2003 Quote...beyond my ken Ok... I'm working on it... don't tell me.... ??? um... Ok I give up. My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #111 July 30, 2003 QuoteGee I dont know....can he dress up like Dolly Pardon? Dude, you just took a jab at a friend of mine. I don't look kindly on that. I would nail you with a personal attack right now, but I don't want to stoop to your level. Have a good night. Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #112 July 30, 2003 QuoteQuoteIt isnt about me bashing gays, its about me geting bashed for not being such a good Victorian when it comes to talking about women and then being called stupid shit like "stalker, lonely, desperate" just because Im talking about women. Im the victim here. Nope. The victims here are the rest of us who have to read your drivel. Why you post here is beyond my ken, why you are allowed to post here is even more beyond my ken. Then why dont you go find yourself a blindfold so I dont have to listen to your whining. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #113 July 30, 2003 Quoteyes....you are the victim, a pathetic one at that Look who's talking... Question: Have you ever looked in the mirror and stared a moron straight in the face? That was just a question, not a personal attack. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Keith 0 #114 July 30, 2003 That's pretty good!, but it's not me I'll still look around for the pic of me in the dress Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumprunner 0 #115 July 30, 2003 QuoteQuoteGee I dont know....can he dress up like Dolly Pardon? Dude, you just took a jab at a friend of mine. I don't look kindly on that. I would nail you with a personal attack right now, but I don't want to stoop to your level. Have a good night. Chris And whats wrong with dressing up like Dolly Pardon? I was going to say something here...but I think it would constitute a personal attack. Darn it I had a great comeback. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #116 July 30, 2003 QuoteAnd Muenkel? what's wrong with the drag queens? some of them look pretty damm good Drag queens just don't do it for me. They just remind me of clowns and I've been afraid of clowns since my parents took me to the circus when I was a kid. I know, I need therapy. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedMonster 0 #117 July 30, 2003 QuoteThat's pretty good!, but it's not me I'll still look around for the pic of me in the dress Yeah but this is you http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=589302#589302 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #118 July 30, 2003 QuoteOh...so thats how I get a date with you! Guess I better start saving up... Guess that new surfboard will just have to wait... PS - now I have to say "Im kidding" because you always take me seriously Yup good thing you were just kidding. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #119 July 30, 2003 QuoteI would nail you with a personal attack right now, but I don't want to stoop to your level. Or should it read something about getting banned? Sorry man By the way Great sig line!My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedMonster 0 #120 July 30, 2003 QuoteDrag queens just don't do it for me. Don't worry Muenkel... Drag Queens don't do it for me either. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #121 July 30, 2003 Jumprunner, you're skating on thin ice. You need to leave this thread now. Don't say another word on it, this is your warning.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Keith 0 #122 July 30, 2003 Oh I'm cryin'. THAT is too damn funny! I hope your poor eyes recover quickly Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MC208B 0 #123 July 30, 2003 Yeah, clowns suck (pun intended) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #124 July 30, 2003 Yeah, I know it wasn't you. In the roughly 20 seconds I allowed myself to search for a pic of you, I couldn't find one. Although, Brian's pic was posted in the thread, so I had that ready to be sliced and diced in PS... Sorry, next time I'll try harder to create a proper PS. --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MC208B 0 #125 July 30, 2003 nanny nanny boo boo, niener niener niener, jumprunner is a wiener (not a personal attack HH) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
