happythoughts 0 #1 July 21, 2003 The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #2 July 21, 2003 Sir, I represent the LUAJ, Lawyers United Against Jokes, and my clients find your joke offensive, slanderous, and bigoted. We are suing you for one hundred million billion dollars for Libel. ok bad joke, but its late and I'm tired and confused. MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #3 July 21, 2003 Then they cancelled the Jerry Garcia stamps because they were afraid what could happen when people licked them. Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gremlin 0 #4 July 21, 2003 Have they got Clinton stamps? less of a lick and more of a suck I'm drunk, you're drunk, lets go back to mine.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #5 July 21, 2003 A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of firstgraders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say: "Red............cherry," "Yellow.........lemon," "Green..........lime," "Orange.........orange." Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue, It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled: "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #6 July 21, 2003 QuoteThen they cancelled the Jerry Garcia stamps because they were afraid what could happen when people licked them. Same thing for Keith Richards stamps.....mmmm.mmmm.....most probably people would smoke them. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #7 July 21, 2003 Sue away. I promise to give you everything. Let's start with my Visa bill. Two lawyers are stranded on a desert island for over a year. One afternoon, they find a naked woman who has washed up on shore. The first lawyer says, "You know, it's been a long while. Do you think we should... you know... screw her?" The other lawyers says, "Out of what?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #8 July 22, 2003 Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a-salted ------------------------------------------------------- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." ------------------------------------------------------- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here." ------------------------------------------------------- A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." ------------------------------------------------------- A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The man says "A premature ejaculation". "What?" says the woman. The man says "I've just come in my pants." ------------------------------------------------------- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. ------------------------------------------------------ Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" ------------------------------------------------------- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." ------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." ------------------------------------------------------- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" --------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." ------------------------------------------------------- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." ------------------------------------------------------- Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." ------------------------------------------------------- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before ------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" ----------------------------------------------------- Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom! ----------------------------------------------------- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. -------------------------------------------------- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. ------------------------------------------------- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.' ------------------------------------------------- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant. ------------------------------------------------ A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.> He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". ---------------------------------------------------- I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle. ----------------------------------------------------- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. ------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." ------------------------------------------------------- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. -------------------------------------------------- Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and says "I'll drive, you man the guns" -------------------------------------------------- Two fish swim into a concrete wall One turns to the other and says "dam!" ------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
