Friday funny

[RichM 0]

Sexist stuff, be warned

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a
"Cheers for the sex - now **** off" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only
occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
televised football, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.

11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
response to "I love you."

12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss of the company.

13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable
excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

14. Lifeguards could remove females from beaches for violating the "Public Ugliness" law.

15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.

19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and 200 per-night brasses for the duration of those breaks.

20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!!"

21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

22. Everyone would own a real Lightsabre. Any disagreements would be settled with a fight to the death. (or the loss of a hand)

23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to
slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.

Rich M

[phatcat 0]

I think you forgot to add the title "If Men Ruled The World" or something similar

[geanky 0]

After a night of drinking, Mr. O'Connell was driving home from the pub when he was pulled over. The officer came up to the car and asked for his license and registration, which he gladly handed over.
"Mr. O'Connell, have you been out to the pub tonight?" the officer asked.

"Ay officer that I have, I won't be lying to ya. I have been out to the pub tonight indeed," Mr. O'Connell responded.

"And did you have a bit much to drink tonight?"

"Ay officer, I suppose I did have a bit much to drink, yes. Is this why you went and pulled me over?"

"Well no, actually," the officer said in wonder, "It's about your wife. After you took that last corner there, she fell right out of the car, she did."

"Oh, thank you for telling me officer, I thought that I was going deaf."

learn to fly in 3d

[andy2 0]

[QUOTE]"Oh, thank you for telling me officer, I thought that I was going deaf." [/QUOTE]

---------------------------------------------
let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

[riddler 0]

  Quote

12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss of the company.

I used to work for a company where this was true. The guy actually wrote a book (not for the timid).

That was the coolest company I ever worked for.

Edited to add: I also took him skydiving - twice. He hurt his back on the second tandem, and never came back, but how many bosses would go jump outta a plane with you?

[Magistr8 0]

THE VALUE OF UNDIES

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes
this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only

to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his
wife to
carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The
wife
returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer
inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the
chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private
parts
into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she
dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and
tucked everything
back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and
found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The
mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

"Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools." Napoleon Bonaparte