Something to offend everyone

[airtwardo 7]

***Yes that's a chicken strapped to me. What? You've never taken a chicken tandem before?!??!?

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Never took a chicken....man THAT'S sick...

...now a PIG on the other hand!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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[NeedToJump 0]

when pigs fly...

Wind Tunnel and Skydiving Coach http://www.ariperelman.com

[MyOwnWay 0]

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What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"

ok, why do people always have to pick on the blondes? i know a lot of blondes are easy targets (i will admit there are many dumb ones out there), but come on, i have seen MANY stupid burnetts and red heads.
is there any red head or burnett jokes out there?? i feel like revenge!!!!

_________________________________________
all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau

[LouDiamond 1]

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ok, why do people always have to pick on the blondes?

HEY, look what I got, isn't it nice and shiny, pretty too? here ya go, it's yours, now run along.

"It's just skydiving..additional drama is not required"
Some people dream about flying, I live my dream
SKYMONKEY PUBLISHING

[MyOwnWay 0]

not funny!!! even though i am laughing hysterically!! it's still not funny!!

_________________________________________
all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau

[freebird 0]

[bbarnhouse 0]

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not funny!!! even though i am laughing hysterically!! it's still not funny!!

Oh don't mind Lou! Although he may look like Lou Diamond he is basically harmless...well there is that one finger bit, but don't let that scare ya

[airtwardo 7]

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What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

ok, why do people always have to pick on the blondes? i know a lot of blondes are easy targets (i will admit there are many dumb ones out there), but come on, i have seen MANY stupid burnetts and red heads.
is there any red head or burnett jokes out there?? i feel like revenge!!!!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[MyOwnWay 0]

i feel like i am being picked on now!!!

_________________________________________
all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau

[airtwardo 7]

No WAY!!!

It's just that....

well....Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?
To hide the Air Valve!

How do you know when a blonde has been at the computer?
There's white out all over the screen.

Why did the blond have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also blonde.

What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

How do you confuse a blond?
Put her in a curricular room and tell her to pee in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?
Tells you she did it.

What does a blonde an a computer have in common?
You never appreciate either one until they go down on you.

How do you change a blondes mind?
Blow in her ear

What do you call a blond with a dollar on her head?
All you can eat under a buck.

What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?
They are all make believe.

Why did the blond climb on the roof?
She heard that drinks were on the house.

What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
Play ball.


How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

What do you call a blond with a half brain?
Gifted.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... blondes will screw anything.

What is the difference between blondes and government bonds?
Bonds mature, blondes don't.

How do you tell if a blonde is sexually satisfied?
Who cares.

Why do blondes rub their eyes when they wake up?
They don't have balls to scratch.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.

How is a blonde different than a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

How are a blondes like spaghetti?
They squirm when you eat them.


What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of a pool?
An air bubble.


What do you call 10 blondes in a row?
A wind tunnel.


How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.


Why is a blondes brain pea sized in the morning?
It swelled.


What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial intelligence.


What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
The more you bang them the looser they get.


Did you hear about the blonde who broke her arm?
She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree.


What do turtles and blondes have in common?
Once there on their back they're screwed.


How is a blonde like a doorknob?
Everybody gets a turn.


What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.


What do blondes do in the morning?
Get up and go home.


What do blondes say in the morning?
Who are you guys anyways.


What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.


What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter


Why did the blonde get fired from the m & m factory?
She threw out all the ones with w's.


What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?
A thought


Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Red means stop.


What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoe's off before you get on a trampoline.


Why don't blondes like vibrators?
They're hard on their teeth.


A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?
The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.


What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.


here-

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[airtwardo 7]

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i feel like i am being picked on now!!!

I'm sorry!

I love blondes!!
Once you figure out how to talk to 'em

You seem to have your own terminology...

I found my little guide here seemed to help...


Anally - occurring yearly
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - back door of cafeteria
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheepdog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Congenital - friendly
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Impotent - distinguished, well known
Intense pain - torture in a teepee
Labour pain - getting hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's cane
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrate - cheaper than day rate
Outpatient - person who has fainted
Pathology - a rambler's association
Post operative - letter carrier
Protein - favouring young people
Radiologist - Dr Fox on Capital FM
Rectum - damn near killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Secretion - hiding anything
Serology - study of knighthood
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Tumour - an extra pair
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - located nearby

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[MyOwnWay 0]

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i feel like i am being picked on now!!!

I'm sorry!
I love blondes!!
Once you figure out how to talk to 'em
You seem to have your own terminology...

ok, here's a question, are you referring to us, as in all blondes, or just the females??? seems to be a little sexism going on here!

_________________________________________
all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau

[MyOwnWay 0]

besides, i think you have too much time on your hands to know all of those blonde jokes. you need a hobby.

_________________________________________
all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau

[bbarnhouse 0]

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ok, here's a question, are you referring to us, as in all blondes, or just the females??? seems to be a little sexism going on here!

notice thread title.

[misskriss 0]

Here ya go... it's all in good fun... and I am very much the brunette.


Whatt's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

[airtwardo 7]

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besides, i think you have too much time on your hands to know all of those blonde jokes. you need a hobby.

Gotta hobby...
Wife's a redhead!!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[MyOwnWay 0]

[replynotice thread title.

[LouDiamond 1]

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[replynotice thread title.

but look at the jokes!! they are directed towards women!!! it seems blonde headed men get off easy (ok that sounds bad) when it comes to the jokes

[bbarnhouse 0]

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but look at the jokes!! they are directed towards women!!! it seems blonde headed men get off easy (ok that sounds bad) when it comes to the jokes

Well then, just don't read the damn things! It's all metal mastrubation anyway. And...if you've ever had a guy try to convince you that 2 inches is 8....well we've all heard that one

[airtwardo 7]

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[replynotice thread title.

but look at the jokes!! they are directed towards women!!! it seems blonde headed men get off easy (ok that sounds bad) when it comes to the jokes

Hey, you again eh? Check this out, it's magic. Watch me pull my thumb off. Watch careful now, there ya go , ya see my thumb come off? now run along and tell your friends

[LouDiamond 1]

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ever had a guy try to convince you that 2 inches is 8....

yeah but if sticks it to you 4 times that is 8 inches

"It's just skydiving..additional drama is not required"
Some people dream about flying, I live my dream
SKYMONKEY PUBLISHING

[bbarnhouse 0]

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yeah but if sticks it to you 4 times that is 8 inches

What is this new math? bwahhhhhhh

[airtwardo 7]

Old jump buddy always told his girlfriend...

" Big is relative...The Queen Mary is a BIG boat...
until you drop it in the Grand Canyon!"

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[happythoughts 0]

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ok, here's a question, are you referring to us, as in all blondes, or just the females??? seems to be a little sexism going on here!

Of course not, as far as you know.

[happythoughts 0]

What is a blondes mating call?
"I am soooo drunk..."

What is a brunettes mating call?
"HEY! I SAID I am soooo drunk!"