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peppermint

Public Forum and "the" Relationship

By peppermint, in The Bonfire

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peppermint    0

peppermint
So... What Happened?

I have been trying for the last five days to sort out why, indeed, things were broken off so suddenly and impeccably ruthlessly. I had asked for patience during my own turmoil and doubt, regret and feelings of a conflicting nature, but apparently, this is seen as Shutting Out and Being Cold Hearted.

The answer lies in simplicity, folks. Since this has been brought to a public forum, even when I asked for leniency in my necessity of time, I find it ludicrously laughable to have to submit this to a public forum, as well.

Reasonings:

1. I am not at a juncture in my evolution where I can provide, in good conscience, the necessities and desires of another human being. If I ain't happy with the progress of my own spirit and exisence, then how in the name of all that's foul and unholy ought I expect to benefit another?

2. Love isn't the issue. At all. Several times in the last week, I have had the phone in my hand, ready to dial, and say I made a mistake, that I was mistaken, that things ought to continue in a manner with which I am not entirely comfortable. However, I feel, as a Human, that to give less than one hundred per cent of life and love to another in the face of telling/showing you you love them makes one a damned hypocrite. And can only lead to resentment, anger, jealousy, and misgivings, on both sides, down the road.

3. I have feelings, too. Though they be my own counsel and that of my God... behind these cobalt eyes, there burn universes of thoughtful feeling and emotion that could span aeons, but acutely slice in a second.

4. The fact that I prefer to keep my turmoil to myself and deal with such in my own self-enforced solitude of spirit may, yes, be cold-bloodedly vague and borderline nihilistic. But I have to go with what I believe benefits the Whole: granted that two people create a third Relationship Entity when they come together, and have equal power over that cosmic foetus, but. One parent does not a child make: it takes a village to raise a child.

5. It seems quite ludicrous to me to be able to claim to love someone with one's full self when they cannot deliver it to said beloved. So sue me, I refuse to be a blasphemer, a liar, or a traitor.

6. "My meat is to do the Will of Him that sent me. And finish His Work." Nohing and no one will stand in the way of such. My prayers vary from surcease for others, to comfort for the same, to faith againt for the named, and to always be in the right of that might.

7. I would rather stab one I love in the heart than have them live years of slow torture. Again, love isn't the question.

There you have it. Hate me if you will.

My humblest thanks: those who witheld their tongues and extended their compassion and understanding. No thanks: you know who you are.



The flowing wave returns not, nor does the passing hour.

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bvsdjumper    0

bvsdjumper
I missed it too. Just here before the lock or the black helicopters take it away.

--Art
Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

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