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bvsdjumper

Hump Day Funnies

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New Sex Study

It has been determined that the most used sexual position
for married couples is the doggie position.............

He sits up and begs while........

She rolls over and plays dead



My wife

My wife seems to be losing her sense of humour for no apparent reason.
Why, just the other day she got mad when she announced that she was
going to the beauty parlour. I asked, "Are you going in for an
estimate, or are you going to get the work done?"



How are your kids doing

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the
fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told
the others, "My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a
friend a new home for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a
multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend
a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a
stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an
entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking
care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just
talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar.
I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good.
His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes,
and a stock portfolio."



The boss

My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he
wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign
shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it
to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called.
She wants her sign back!"



A woman returns home from a doctor's visit and excitedly says to her
husband "The doctor told me I have the breasts of a 20 year old!"

"Oh yea", her husband says, "what did he say about your 60 year old
ass?"

"We didn't talk about you." she replies....


Limo falls off lift at Caddy dealer

:D

--Art
Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

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A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: "Ah, you're lovely, aren't you?" she says to the first dog. "What's your name?" To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, "My name's Huey, and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles."

Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. "And what's your name then?" Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, "My name's Lewy, and I've had a great day going in and out of puddles."
And so she moves on to the last dog. "Let me guess," she says. "your name's Dewy, and you've had a great day going in and out of puddles."
"No," replies the last dog. "My name's Puddles, and I've had an awful day." [:/]:P:S

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

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Talk about being tired!




I felt like that today...after getting up for work at 4 AM two days in a row. Then I finally get home this afternoon and some guys are replacing the gutters on my apartment building. So....they are hammering in nails like a foot outside my window......[:/] Luckily they didn't stay oo long.

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