bodypilot90 0 #1 May 14, 2003 all in jest Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood, ALL the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Everything on your face stays its original color. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygal3 0 #2 May 14, 2003 Quote You don't have to shave below your neck. well, not if skymama has anything to say about that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot90 0 #3 May 14, 2003 Quote well, not if skymama has anything to say about that. lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #4 May 14, 2003 All in jest as well, Bodypilot....Your last name stays put. We get a choice...maiden, hyphenate it, or his. Choices are better The garage is all yours. the rest of the house is ours Wedding plans take care of themselves. our families plan and pay for it....we just choose dresses and rings Chocolate is just another snack. Chocolate makes us feel the way you're supposed to You can be president. we run the House, run the Dept. of Transportation, handle Homeland Security, the Treasury, and the Forestry Department. We're too busy to be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. So can we. You just get mad when we do. Car mechanics tell you the truth. Car mechanics do our work for free if we dress appropriately. The world is your urinal. Yes. And we are civilized. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. We already know which one is icky, and so don't bother stopping there. Same work, more pay. Same work, better complaining opportunities. Wrinkles add character. We get a shopping opportunity and a pamper opportunity the absolute instant we suspect we might, at some point in the future, get wrinkles. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. Demonstrates the difference in taste and class... People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. People don't dare let me catch them staring at my chest when they're talking to me. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. The occasional troop potty gossip break is expected, welcomed, and encouraged. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. My shoes don't cut, blister or mangle my feet either...they're expensive italian leather. Bought with your credit card. One mood, ALL the time. one mood, all the time, with the right man. Other than that, give us chocolate. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We don't scream at inanimate objects, believing the little things inside of it can actually hear - and respond to - our demands. You know stuff about tanks. We know stuff about everything necessary for day to day living in a non-occupied country A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. a five day vacation requires only one suitcase and a rig You can open all your own jars. You open all our jars (and doors, and windows) on our behalf. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. That's because we are constantly surprised at any thoughtfulness...you occasionally demonstrate the same ability a woman demonstrates continuously and consistently If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. We know who are friends are, and are not. We are not surprised during the divorce Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. and it's ugly. Ours are cute, frilly, soft, and silky. Just like that area demands. It is the center of your universe after all Everything on your face stays its original color. We get to experiment and change our looks...you're simply stuck with it. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Yes. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. No. We just get you to do it. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. our ability to dress ourselves is only one sign of superior intelligence The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We have the freedom to create hairstyles as we see fit. You're stuck. Of course, that statement doesn't hold true if you are balding...then you experiment with bad comb-overs You don't have to shave below your neck. Nor do we. Your belly usually hides your big hips. Um, no, it doesn't. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. Yes. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. We pamper ourselves, and let someone else do them for us. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. We don't have to worry about making that choice... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. We can shop for the family, friends, extended neighborhoods, schoolchildren's friends, the mailman, milkman, and other service personnel, include gifts for important clients and bosses, choose and decorate a tree, create two feasts, attend 5 parties, wrap all gifts (without having to unwrap them to check if it's the right nametag on it), bake lots of scrumptious goodies, work at a charity or two, sing christmas carols, and write christmas cards, all during one month *and* while holding down a job and taking care of the kids and pets, as well as making you feel loved and special. It's good to be a woman. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #5 May 14, 2003 Oh michele. I don't think anyone could've made better responses. Thanks for the laugh. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzdiva 7 #6 May 14, 2003 You go girl!! "It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygal3 0 #7 May 14, 2003 LOL, Michele. Those are great! One more to add to your list....two words. "Multiple orgasms". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheAnvil 0 #8 May 14, 2003 Contrary to populr belief, men do NOT get mad when you ladies wear white t-shirts to water parks! We highly support it! Vinny the Anvil Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL JACKASS POWER!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RevJim 0 #9 May 14, 2003 Quote ....two words. "Multiple orgasms". Your point is? Sorry to burst your bubble, but women are not alone in that area. It's your life, live it! Karma RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,548 #10 May 14, 2003 You go girl! Awesome. All in good fun, of course. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot90 0 #11 May 14, 2003 Quote All in good fun, of course. Of course Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masher 1 #12 May 14, 2003 Very nice Michele. I like that response. Thats currently being emailed around the office....-- Arching is overrated - Marlies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralu 0 #13 May 14, 2003 Stop taking those little pink pills and look around... ralu what would be a woman without her dreams.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #14 May 14, 2003 "Stop taking those little pink pills and look around... " And start taking the little blue diamond shaped ones?Touché Michele -------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faber 0 #15 May 14, 2003 Quote You don't have to shave below your neck. well wonman normaly dont shave above itBy the way try shave you belov your neck,you migth get interesting for some girls(depending were you shave you)You will be amaezed of what women want to do then Stay safe Stefan Faber Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #16 May 14, 2003 QuoteThats currently being emailed around the office.... LOL...well, thanks! I appreciate the compliment! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nuke 0 #17 May 14, 2003 some more jestingYou may eat a banana and don’t have to worry about beeing ”graded” by other men. Nobody interupts a naugty story because you came into the room. You are never compelled to stop a friend from having sex with somebody. You know 20 ways to open a beer. The remotes are yours, just yours. If your at a party and some other guy is wearing the same kind of t-shirt you will probably end up as friends. You may hit something with a hammer to try and fix it. There’s a lot more nude women then men on film. The line to the toilet is 80 percent shorter. Your ass will never affect your chanses of getting a job. (I guess as long as Jessica isn’t doing the interview) Nobody wonders (in secret) if you swallow You can write your name in the snow. You can’t get pregnant. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #18 May 14, 2003 We can play with boobies whenever we want to (man boobies don't count as real boobies.) QuoteYou can’t get pregnant. Damn...good point.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #19 May 14, 2003 Awesome, Michele! Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaGimp 0 #20 May 14, 2003 Quote We don't scream at inanimate objects, believing the little things inside of it can actually hear - and respond to - our demands now i HAVE done that a few times "Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ozthebum 0 #21 May 14, 2003 Six months ago everyone looked at me wierd when I'd yell at computers when they'd do something dumb....now 90% of the people in my office yell at the computers. It's funny as hell to watch the 90lbs chick in my office to yell at a computer "G-damn you, you f#&king computer, if you don't start working right I'm gonn kick your ass". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #22 May 14, 2003 And still more jesting...You may eat a banana and don't have to worry about being "graded" by other men. We can eat whipped cream and cherries, and render you unable to stand for 10 minutes. Nobody interrupts a naughty story because you came into the room. We tell better ones You are never compelled to stop a friend from having sex with somebody. Nor are we compelled. We're just nice that way You know 20 ways to open a beer. We know 21 ways to get you to buy, open and serve us beer The remotes are yours, just yours. Yes. And you change the channels just as we tell you If you're at a party and some other guy is wearing the same kind of t-shirt you will probably end up as friends. We can go to a party, and not be bothered if you're wearing a t-shirt that everyone owns. We gather sympathy from other women who understand that you refuse to allow us to assist you in dressing yourself for public consumption. You may hit something with a hammer to try and fix it. We don't try to fix it. We just call someone who can. There's a lot more nude women then men on film. Yes. There is so many fake things on film... The line to the toilet is 80 percent shorter. We don't have to worry about comparing ourselves and coming up short Your ass will never affect your chanses of getting a job. No, but your intelligence will. Nobody wonders (in secret) if you swallow If you're good enough to not require chocolate, then perhaps you wouldn't have to wonder You can write your name in the snow. We don't have to get undressed to count to 21 You can't get pregnant. Getting pregnant takes two (usually). And you couldn't handle the pain of delivery. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #23 May 14, 2003 There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #24 May 14, 2003 Quote There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Because neither one makes any kind of sense in the real world... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
