Men's Bathroom Etiquette

[AggieDave 6]

I just use my Jedi powers to flush the toliet...

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[QuickDraw 0]

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How many of you flush the toilet by using your foot?

Depends on what pub i'm in and/or how many beers i'm holding.

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[DYEVOUT 0]

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Its women that piss all over the seats too, because they are too lazy to build a nest like we do, so they "hover"

This is why I've always liked those "ass gaskets" provided at some of your finer establishments.

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[indyz 1]

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Its women that piss all over the seats too, because they are too lazy to build a nest like we do, so they "hover".

Speaking as someone who cleaned both men's and women's bathrooms as part of my job for nine months, women are far neater than men. I mean, I never found pee on the walls and ceiling of the ladies room. Of course, there are the occasional women who try to flush their, ummm, feminine hygeine products instead of using the tiny garbage can that we provided specifically for that. Guess what ladies: Those things clog the toilet, which means some minimum wage 16 year old has to come and fish it out. Thanks a lot.

[diablopilot 2]

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and take a honking ripe shit...

and he takes it to a whole new level!

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[diablopilot 2]

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women are far neater than men

What about the 3 foot deep layers of paper all over the floors of women's night club bathrooms by the end of the night?

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[happythoughts 0]

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women are far neater than men

What about the 3 foot deep layers of paper all over the floors of women's night club bathrooms by the end of the night?

There is the paper issue. Guys will wad anything paper into a ball and make it into a game of skill. In fact, if they miss, most guys will pick it up for a second try. Women feel it is dainty and feminine to just drop it next to them.

[happythoughts 0]

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i like to always walk up and say, after getting started, "man this water is cold!". seems to make me the winner in the trough!

"Not only cold, but it's deep..."

[DYEVOUT 0]

Don't eat that mint, it smells good, but it tastes like piss.

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[Michele 1]

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What about the 3 foot deep layers of paper all over the floors of women's night club bathrooms by the end of the night? [Laugh]

And you would know this how, JP? Are you a ladies' room lurker? Is there something we should know?

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[diablopilot 2]

Well, I ummm, .. you see....it's like this, uhhh....



Actualy I used to DJ nightclubs for about 8 years, and you just pick some things up I guess.

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[Gawain 0]

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(And, they say women are strange. )

Well, now that you mention it...

BTW...why is it that women always go to the bathroom together again? Guys can't do that. It's part of the natural order of things. Otherwise, we'd upset the delicate balance of the universe.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[ladyskydiver 0]

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BTW...why is it that women always go to the bathroom together again?

There's safety in numbers, of course. Yeah....that's it.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[happythoughts 0]

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BTW...why is it that women always go to the bathroom together again? Guys can't do that. It's part of the natural order of things. Otherwise, we'd upset the delicate balance of the universe.

Women go to the bathroom together because it a level of communication.

Ecample: 2 guys and 2 girls are at a table together. A guy says something. Reaction?
Level 1- The Look. The Look is a recognition of similar past events confirmed by eye contact.
Level 2- The "Like" comment. A remark of "oh... just like ..."
Level 3- Bathroom. Subtext - let's go to the bathroom and discuss what was just said. "What a nerd..."
Level 4- Whispering at the table. The guy has just committed such a horrid social faux pas that it has to be discussed immediately and they don't care if they offend you by whispering at the table. Leave immediately.

[Racenic 0]

I want to know who picks their nose and places the boogers on the wall in front of the urinal at Perris
100's of them all over the wall, like it's a ritual or something.
It's F' kin sick, do they do that at home too?

Nick

Nick D

The key to Immortality is- first living a life worth remembering”

[BBKid 0]

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When driving in the UK I had to use the restroom. I found a roadside rest area that had a McDonalds (suprised?), an arcade, a small shop and a large public restroom.

I walked in and saw a long row of stalls which I did not need. Quick scan of the room lead me to an "alcove" type area which was the urinal area... This was the most bizarre thing I had seen. There were NO urinals at all. Imagine your in a room that is tiled on 3 sides, the fourth wall is the opening to the "alcove" room. The 3 walls are tiled ceiling to floor and the floor is a rubber mat material. The walls however extend DOWN past the floor level you are standing on to create a small trough about 6 inch in diameter. You simply walk up close to the wall and go... There were about 10 guys in there just pissing on the wall. It was damn strange.

It might have been dark, but the "wall", as you put it, was actually made of the same stuff as urinals. Great fun when there are urinal cakes in there to try to drive them along the trough at the bottom.

When you're on your own, of course, we wouldn't want to cross jets now, would we...


Male toilet etiquette 101:
-Eyes straight ahead, staring forward silently.
-Do NOT let yourself be tempted to whilstle along to the tune some guy is doubtless humming as he pees.
-Farting is entirely acceptable (this might just be a UK thing, never experienced it in the States).
-Your best friend could be stood right next to you (with maximum separation, obviously), but you NEVER acknowledge his presence. If you did you must have looked over to see him, and therefore you must have been trying to see another man's penis.
-Never speak unless at the washbasins, and only if another person approaches at the same time as you. Do not speak to anyone at a urinal while you are at a washbasin. This just makes the others who are trying to drain the vein uncomfortable.

Nick
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"I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

[LouDiamond 1]

OH I don't buy that BS at all. Sure guys will space themselves out if there is only one other guy in the whole bathroom other than that if your really gotta pee you don't care. You just wade in to the first available one and let 'er rip. It's usually accompanied by a sigh or a release of air. Heres a hint if you have to pee bad and you want to clear the place out so you can pee. Next time you go in and it's full say out loud "Let's go people, shake it more than three times and your playing with it"
It works pretty good as does just striking up a conversation while waiting.

OF course all guys know that normal bathroom etiquette goes out the door when the beer light has been on for awhile, especially in a club, then it's anything goes.

"It's just skydiving..additional drama is not required"
Some people dream about flying, I live my dream
SKYMONKEY PUBLISHING

[diablopilot 2]

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There's safety in numbers, of course.

Saftey from what exactly? In case you fall in?

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[prepheckt 0]

Here's what got passed around and rationale for each rule.

Just a little set of rules for you all, especially you new-comers, concerning pooper ettiquette that were passed on to me and I am passing on to you. If we can all live by these simple rules yours and my bathroom experiences will continue to be pleasant ones.

Rule#1: ALWAYS FLUSH.

Rationale: Although it seems simple enough in concept, the mechanics of it
seem to be difficult for some. Failure to comply with the above
rule makes the bathroom smell like crap (Pun intended). If your
insecurities make you have a desire to have others admire your
handiwork, please take a picture: it will last longer and
doesn't smell. By the way, if you are the Uni-loafer, and
you know who you are, you are no longer safe...you will
be caught.

Rule#2: TWO-STALL RULE

Rationale: I thought that this was common knowledge, but apparently that
is not the case. Just leave an empty stall or urinal in between
yourself and any others going about their business. This is where
it gets a little more complex, fuzzy majors are probably going to
have trouble with this. The first person in a stall sets the
tone for everyone else. If that person took a stall in the
middle, you must choose a stall two to the left or two to the
right. Three to the left or three to the right, and you are
wrong. This leaves two stalls in between occupied stalls,
which is superfluous and this is an inefficient use of
resources. This brings up an important point:
The small bathrooms have only 3 stalls. Common sense would
dictate that the middle stall would get no use as using this stall
would disallow anyone else to use a stall without breaking
the two-stall rule. Obviously, there will be times when you have no
choice but to break the two-stall rule. This will only be
permitted if you have tried at least one other bathroom.
Emergencies will be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, and
proof of emergency will need to be presented (See Rule#1,
photograph section).

Rule#3: DON'T PEE ON THE SEAT

Rationale: First of all, if you are standing, it should be in front of a
urinal...unless of course you are complying with the Two-Stall
Rule. Second of all, you are not engaging in marksmanship
practice...please place the seat in its full upright and locked
position. Treat the bathroom like you would if you were at home.
Are you too good for your home? Just remember, I aim to
please...you aim too, please.

Rule#4: LIMIT SMALL TALK

Rationale: The bathroom is not a social lounge. I like to think of it as
my office. You have business to take care of, it is not about
catching up on old times or discussing political ideals. It is
acceptible and encouraged, however, to read. I just ask that
newspapers be nicely folded for the next occupant to enjoy.
There is nothing more annoying than somebody talking your ear
off when you are trying to concentrate. Don't be that guy (or
girl).

Rule#5: COURTESY FLUSHING AND GENERAL POLITENESS

Rationale: Whoever said that general politeness is nonexistent in the
bathroom. While it is socially unacceptable to sound your horn in
public, it is expected that the words "Excuse me" will follow.
Obviously, flatulation is common in the restroom and only the
extremely loud poofs need to excused. Courtesy flushing comes
in when you realize that you have become something of a
"Rocketman," and others are passing out from the aroma. You
know what you need to do.

Rule#6: SHOWER ETIQUETTE

Rationale: I've lumped several key thoughts on the showers in this
section. Firstly, the Two-Stall Rule is still in effect, but
more importantly, do not take the shower directly across from
someone else. Curtains are not necessary, unless of course,
you drop things often. Also, no peeing or blowing your nose in
the shower. That is gross, especially if it is on someone else. Spitting
occasionally is okay though. You are allowed to socialize in
the shower, but eye contact is not permitted. Also, no
plugging of the drains with body hair (Flores).


These rules are simple, and along with these, please keep the trash picked
up. If I do not see an improvement, I will be faced with no choice but to
declare Threatcon Charlie-Foxtrot. This will include installation of
security cameras in the stalls, retinal scanners on entry, and rectal
scanners upon exit. Please apply these to every public restroom you have
the pleasure of using. Treat them like you would like to be treated.
America's janitors thank you, and I thank you. Help keep America's
bathrooms beautiful.

"Dancing Argentine Tango is like doing calculus with your feet."
-9 toes

[ladyskydiver 0]

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Saftey from what exactly? In case you fall in?

Luckily, I can say (knock on wood) that hasn't happened to me, yet.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[2fat2fly 0]

Has everyone seen the "Teamwork" skit with the 3 guys in the bathroom? Very funny and I don't remember where I got it. If you want to see it, send me your addy and I'll send it. Out here in the boonies it's strictly a dial up life so I'll wait 'til tomorrow when I have a complete recipient list.

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[SpeedRacer 1]

Here's something that women totally miss out on: playing "Sink the Bismarck" with the cigarrette butt. If you hit it just right you can blast all the tobacco out of it, or make it dance around in the urinal.

Speed Racer
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[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Have you ever played "peeball"? They're becoming quite popular over here

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