Dragontail 0 #1 April 1, 2003 I thought I'd get this started now since I can't go to DZ.com while I'm at work. Look at this picture and tell me if you think that we may need to rethink the paperless society idea Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #2 April 1, 2003 Posted today, just about 3 hours ago:http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=433946;sb=post_latest_reply;so=ASC;forum_view=forum_view_collapsed;;page=unread#unread Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dragontail 0 #3 April 1, 2003 Ahh - didn't see that - oh well - perhaps others didn't either Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnischalke 0 #4 April 1, 2003 That is true journalism. "hmmmm. cute, he's sitting on the computer, I need a picture. "oh shit he's peeing! Now, do I slap the puppy off my new laptop or do I let him finish and take this picture? "Eh, a picture is worth a thousand words. I can still dump it down on my work computer and show all my friends..." mike Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills--You know, like nunchuk skills, bow-hunting skills, computer-hacking skills. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #5 April 1, 2003 That picture again? , Damn!!!, I guess it will be reposted ad Nauseum just like the OIL one (the one with all the oil companies names). Even post-whoring has its rules you know. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #6 April 1, 2003 you guys and your "can't believe it's been posted again" rants, crack me up. that's a tuesday funny all it's own.My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #7 April 1, 2003 That would be the 4th time. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #8 April 1, 2003 Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do.... ********** I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX ********** I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI ********** Nuts about You My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD ********** While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia ********** A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Diane E. Amov ********** Future skydiver? Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent overand spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! ********** This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #9 April 1, 2003 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Anxious to fill his quota, the cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked, "Occifer, arrr'ya absholute-tely shor I'm drungk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple." The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #10 April 1, 2003 Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried... but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" She cried a little louder, but still no answer.... Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a voice from far, far away... "Hello - we?re all down here...." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dragontail 0 #11 April 1, 2003 AH... there are kind people out there after all. Thanks so much for sharing ladyskydiver Blue Skies and Dragon Breath, Dragontail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dragontail 0 #12 April 1, 2003 Hmm - i don't know weather to laugh of be offended.... but being offended sucks so I'll laugh Thanks happythoughts Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #13 April 1, 2003 Quote Hmm - i don't know weather to laugh of be offended.... but being offended sucks so I'll laugh Thanks happythoughts I usually think in the approved guy manner. It's a choice. Be responsible, sensible, and go shopping for nick-nacks ... or listen to that leetle, small voice that gets me into trouble... Gotta go with the evil, fun voice everytime. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lizzieb 0 #14 April 1, 2003 A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!" At this the man, in frustration, pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again . . . "Are my test results back???" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
