jtval 0 #1 March 19, 2003 here dude, this'll make you laugh > We have seen our fair share of "male-bashing" jokes sent > by women who try to make their case and we, as men, sit > there and take it. This e-mail is for the men who are tired > of receiving those jokes. > > 1. How many men does it take to open a beer? > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. > > 2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing > machine will probably never be able to support you. > > 3. Why do women have smaller feet than men? > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them > to stand closer to the kitchen sink. > > 4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me....." > > 5. How do you fix a woman's watch? > You don't. There's a clock on the oven. > > 6. Why do men fart more than women? > Because women can't stop talking long enough to build > up the required pressure. > > 7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife > is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? > The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. > > 9. I married Miss Right. > I just didn't know her first name was "Always." > > 10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. > I don't like to interrupt her. > > 12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a > woman's sex drive by 90%. > It's called Wedding Cake. > > 13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: > Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering > > 14. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me. > "What's on theTV?" > I said, "Dust!" > > 15. Why do men die before their wives? > They want to. > > 16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts > of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" > Dad: "That happens in every country, son." > > 17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted." > The next day he received a hundred letters. They all > said the samething "You can have mine." > > 18. The most effective way to remember your wife's > birthday is to forget it once. > > 19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk > down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and > still think they are beautiful. > > 20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? > Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, > then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing > they want, then go to the refrigerator. >My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #2 March 19, 2003 HEY! Thats not nice! You have forced me to do this JT! Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work. Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. Q. How do men exercise on the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? A. Make him wear shoes. Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one. "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #3 March 19, 2003 HAAH! you were just waioting for some one to post that so you could posts yours! lol right on! My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #4 March 19, 2003 yeah, I just have them all saved up for this special occasion.. "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #5 March 19, 2003 HAHA! I knew it I just got the one I posted and thought is was perfect to cheer dave up! lolMy photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #6 March 19, 2003 Quote Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work. You must have hooked a "keeper". I don't even work half the time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #7 March 19, 2003 oops...sorry Dave, I had to chime in..you understand... "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #8 March 19, 2003 im sure he's wiping snot from his face cause he laughed so hard when he read your CRUEL comments! lol My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanillasky11 0 #9 March 19, 2003 HAHAHA...yeah they had a similar effect on me..(well, no snot...just tears..) "You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #10 March 19, 2003 HAHA! thanks for the visual! My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoobieCootie 0 #11 March 19, 2003 Quote Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? She gets the easy half, I get the harder half She gets the management helf, I get the labor half Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #12 March 19, 2003 Quote Quote Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? She gets the easy half, I get the harder half She gets the management helf, I get the labor half Seems like they'd appreciate a 50/50 relationship. It's all about sharing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MuffDiver 0 #13 March 19, 2003 -You made me do it... (just a joke ladies) Scientists discovered that almost every woman will, at one time(or more, many more) contain intelligent DNA. Unfortunately 95% of them will... ...spit it out. __________________________________________________ Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydyvr 0 #14 March 19, 2003 Quote Seems like they'd appreciate a 50/50 relationship. It's all about sharing. She's the head cook; I'm the primary kitchen swabbie. . . =(_8^(1) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #15 March 19, 2003 Quote Quote Seems like they'd appreciate a 50/50 relationship. It's all about sharing. She's the head cook; I'm the primary kitchen swabbie. I'd re-apply for "chief diner". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #16 March 19, 2003 You crazy knuckleheads. We married people get laid more and live longer than you do. So there. It's also the most dangerous tightrope walk you will ever make, but in the end it's worth it. It better f*cking be. Cause it's really, really, not easy. But today is good, and today I've been with this lady for over 18 years. Crap, it's more like 19. Have I shown you pictures of my kids? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #17 March 19, 2003 Thanks guys (and gals)! Stand by, I'm about to start resizing pictures from Spring Break to be posted in a little bit. --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
