rocketfeuille 0 #1 March 17, 2003 THE COMPLETE MILITARY HISTORY OF FRANCE Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied. War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States And Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Classic Quote: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- Donald Rumsfeld Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #2 March 17, 2003 How many times do we have to read this?????????? When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #3 March 17, 2003 I do not believe Jacques Iraq would find that entertaining. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #4 March 17, 2003 Quote How many times do we have to read this?????????? did you know if you went to google ...... ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rocketfeuille 0 #5 March 17, 2003 Sorry- I didn't realize it had been posted... Did a search and everything... Guess I was searching wrong... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lolie 0 #6 March 17, 2003 Quote did you know if you went to google ...... LMAO!!! -Miranda you shall above all things be glad and young / For if you're young,whatever life you wear it will become you;and if you are glad / whatever's living will yourself become. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #7 March 17, 2003 Don't get it. When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #8 March 17, 2003 (been posted lots of times) If you go to google type French Military Victories Hit the "i'm feeling Lucky" button. See what happens ...____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lolie 0 #9 March 17, 2003 QuoteDon't get it. This has been posted about 143 times in the last two weeks... -Miranda you shall above all things be glad and young / For if you're young,whatever life you wear it will become you;and if you are glad / whatever's living will yourself become. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,008 #10 March 17, 2003 Odd that the US, which in the past seemed to pride itself as defender of weak nations against aggressors, now seems to be attacking France because they're a weak nation. Going after France, to me, seems like the playground bully going after the 100 pound weakling because he knows he can get away with saying whatever he wants about him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,460 #11 March 17, 2003 Quote Odd that the US, which in the past seemed to pride itself as defender of weak nations against aggressors, now seems to be attacking Yeah, but it's funny when we do it! This is really a time when each person should hold up their actions and words to a standard of what is right, and not what someone else has told them what's cool. Herd mentality is taking over in some areas, both for and against this particular war. As soon as people give in to it, they lose the ability to make sound judgements. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rocketfeuille 0 #12 March 17, 2003 In my defense, Bill, I'm of French descent. I just find it funny.But, after this post, I sure feel like a moron for having posted something that's obviously been around more than once. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,028 #13 March 17, 2003 Quote Quote Odd that the US, which in the past seemed to pride itself as defender of weak nations against aggressors, now seems to be attacking Yeah, but it's funny when we do it! This is really a time when each person should hold up their actions and words to a standard of what is right, and not what someone else has told them what's cool. Herd mentality is taking over in some areas, both for and against this particular war. As soon as people give in to it, they lose the ability to make sound judgements. Wendy W. Vilifying the French is a British prerogative. Americans should just shut up, they don't have enough experience to do it properly!... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,460 #14 March 17, 2003 QuoteVilifying the French is a British prerogative. Americans should just shut up, they don't have enough experience to do it properly! Bwahahahaha! Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kevin922 0 #15 March 17, 2003 QuoteQuoteDon't get it. This has been posted about 143 times in the last two weeks... Did anyone notice that, that is actually a joke? Some created a page to look like a google search page and was able to get their page indexed as the first one.. if you do a normal "search" you'll find plenty of results. Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
