wildblue 7 #26 February 20, 2003 Yeah, but if it was totally innocent intentions, what's the problem in being open about it in the first place? That's where the paranoia and jealousy start.it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #27 February 20, 2003 True dat. If she doesn't tell you about this old friend it's probably because, even though there's nothing there, she knows you'll get jealous and blow it out of proportion. How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you expect her to be cool about you having lunch with another chick (ie. do you expect to be trusted)? you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #28 February 20, 2003 QuoteYeah, but if it was totally innocent intentions, what's the problem in being open about it in the first place? Probably because she knows he'd overreact if she mentioned it at all. I've had boyfriends like that, where it's easier just to refrain from mentioning something to avoid drama. The whole "didn't want to hurt him" thing is key. That's a girl who's deathly afraid of pissing anyone off, her own boyfriend especially.Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #29 February 20, 2003 I tried to explain the same thing to an ex g/f, but she said that it "was different" somehow. Apparently, women are more suspicious or something. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #30 February 20, 2003 QuoteProbably because she knows he'd overreact if she mentioned it at all I've never understood this logic. Which is worse - telling him upfront about in which case he may a) be cool or b) flip out. If he flips out, then you need to re-evaluate the strength of your relationship, or just not go to make him happy. or the alternative, you go without telling him, and just hope he doesn't find out about it or a mutual friend doesn't see you with the other guy and say something. In this case, he is bound to flip out, and pretty much has good reason to.it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moodyskydiver 0 #31 February 20, 2003 I understand where you're coming from because I've been there too. The biggest problem relationships face today is lack of communication.Talk to her.Being upset and snooping into her email will just prove that you dont trust her.Bring things out in the open and discuss the issue.Tell her how you feel about the situation even if it does risk making you look jealous or paranoid.Ask if the three of you can go to dinner or invite him over to your house for drinks and check the guy out for yourself. If she understands how bothered you are by this other guy, she should be willing to compromise and set your mind at ease also. Just my $.02 "...just an earthbound misfit, I." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarge 0 #32 February 20, 2003 Hmmmm....??? about you and about [her] I don't know at all...!! but about re-kindling old flames and all that (fucking) stuff... I, well... don't know! It's bull-shit! . -- I'm done with the personally meaningful and philosophical sigs!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #33 February 20, 2003 I'm with you. All my "old friends" come over to the house and have dinner. I don't need to meet them somewhere for drinks. I would want them to meet my new SO who is a part of my life. Sounds like BS to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #34 February 20, 2003 Quote Probably because she knows he'd overreact if she mentioned it at all. I've had an experience where someone was doing something "shady". When I found out , he said ..." I didn't tell you because I know how jealous you can get..." Well... I call bullshit. He was actually turning it around on me..trying to make me feel like I was the one with the problem..he could keep his activities secret and then if I found out he could blame the lack of communication on my jealousy. Then I ended up having to defend myself and he somehow got to divert the attention off of himself. However, I do recognize that each situation and relationship is different and it is true that some are completely crazy and psychotic and you can't tell them anything without them freaking out which comes the question......Why be with them to begin with.. However, I should not even speak about relationships so ignore me.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #35 February 20, 2003 Don't look now, but I think someone just agreed with me! Quote I've had an experience where someone was doing something "shady". When I found out , he said ..." I didn't tell you because I know how jealous you can get..." Well... I call bullshit. He was actually turning it around on me..trying to make me feel like I was the one with the problem..he could keep his activities secret and then if I found out he could blame the lack of communication on my jealousy. You've only had one experience like that? Damn.... it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jimbo 0 #36 February 20, 2003 QuoteWell, here is my dilemma... Stacy? - Jim"Like" - The modern day comma Good bye, my friends. You are missed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarge 0 #37 February 20, 2003 Ok bro, here's two someones... Valentines day she calls me and says she'd like to meet me for a bite (a mile from her x-boyfriend's house...weird) at 7:00pm!!! I couldn't get a hold of her all day... her cell had been off (weird). I say how bout tomorrow? She then got, as best as I can describe; "hinky". Like ahhh yeeaaah welll yeahh,,, Saturday she calls me at about 11:00am says, so if you come over tonite, what time??? (weird) since I always come over at the same time.... Then she says, "how 'bout tommorrow, that would be much better for me" I say, "Sounds great!" I called all phones between 3-5:00pm... nothing! so I go over to her house, naturally thinking the worst. But she's gone? I went to a bar hung out w/some pals went back to her house at 10:30pm ... still not home??? Next day (Sunday) I ask her, "hey how was your night?", she says, "OH, I felt terrible, went to bed at 6 etc...!" I told her, "I'm done, it's over!" blah, blah... she calls me later and says she was sorry she lied about going out with this (same) guy, but that she has NEVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL !! fuck her!!! 3-yrs down the toilet and I'm hurtin!!! . -- I'm done with the personally meaningful and philosophical sigs!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #38 February 20, 2003 Quote3-yrs down the toilet and I'm hurtin!!! that's the reason the original poster needs to "Cha-Chink" now. it ain't worth it.--Richard-- "We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyboyshell 0 #39 February 20, 2003 "Many of you still have this childlike notion that you don't have to take too much responsibility for finding your own happiness. You still believe the fairy tale that falling in love means finding someone who is going to make you live happily ever after. And when that fairy tale turns out to be untrue, you want to point the finger, to blame, to believe that all the unpleasant things you are experiencing in your relationship are being caused by your partner. Your unhappiness, you believe, is the result of your partner's deeds. Your life would be so much better, you say to yourself, if your partner would just change. As a result, you conclude, there's little you can do until your partner shapes up her act." - That's myth. The most important person for you to influence is yourself. You have chosen these behavoirs, thoughts, and feelings because at some level they work for YOU. My message - DO NOT LET IT GET TO YOU!! Blue Skies!!! FlyBoyShell EarthBound FreeFly Suits Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bobsled92 0 #40 February 20, 2003 Quote My two cents: ABSOLUTELY NO KEY STROKE RECORDER. horrible. If you have a great relationship, why can't you go along and meet the guy too? If she's totally against it, then tell her you're uncomfortable with it and she's going to have to make a decision with that in mind. See what happens from there. M I agree with you! If I had anyone from my past say,"hey I want to get together", then my "Present partner" would be asked 1st :is it OK? and would you like to come with me? Other wise it's "booty call"/B.S. and lies out the ass! Sneaking any e-mail or calls is a method of deceit. (there should be an ejection handle located at the bottom of that relationship.....whammo!)_______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DivaSkyChick 0 #41 February 20, 2003 Thank you. --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarge 0 #42 February 20, 2003 Quote You have chosen these behavoirs, thoughts, and feelings because at some level they work for YOU. LOL!!! Have you been to Landmark forums too??.-- I'm done with the personally meaningful and philosophical sigs!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DivaSkyChick 0 #43 February 20, 2003 He's a Scientologist. Is Landmark connected to that? --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #44 February 20, 2003 QuoteAnd when that fairy tale turns out to be untrue, you want to point the finger, to blame, to believe that all the unpleasant things you are experiencing in your relationship are being caused by your partner. Good relationships aren't always fairy tales. If the "unpleasant thing" is your partner betraying your trust by cheating on you, then the finger should be pointed at them because they are to blame for that pain. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarge 0 #45 February 20, 2003 As a matter of fact it has a resounding familiarity with scientology, but no, or at least thats not how Landmark markets themselves? Perhaps its just Dr. Phil-intology...? no matter... I dig I the gigs.... "we all have our agenda's, 'stories' and support systems to retain our realities that work for us...[blah, blah]" .-- I'm done with the personally meaningful and philosophical sigs!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,545 #46 February 20, 2003 Quote there are people at the dz that I see every weekend that I used to be involved with...but I KNOW that I am not doing anything wrong. Does she know, or does she trust you? And if she didn't trust you, and you were trustworthy, how would you react? I agree with the "keep it in the open" stuff that Mandy said. Own up to your emotions, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having them. Just don't tell her that she's wrong if she doesn't have the same ones. She may not think you're being reasonable. Such is life. But they're feelings, they don't have to make sense to her, they're YOURS YOURS YOURS ALL YOURS . And in return, if you stay together, you have to understand that her feelings are just as valid for her as yours are to you. This goes for anyone. Good luck. It really sucks when you're not sure. You might decide it's not worth it, but make it a decision, and not just a lack of action. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #47 February 20, 2003 Quote She then got, as best as I can describe; "hinky". Yes. You are a cop. Put the "habeus grabbus" on the ex! Hang in there bro. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #48 February 20, 2003 QuoteWell... I call bullshit. I'm not saying it's right to hide things because you're afraid of his/her reaction. That's a crap relationship. I'm just saying that perhaps the guy in this situation is not a warm, loving bastion of openness to his girlfriend. It sounds like they've got problems, big ones. But spying on her e-mails is not the fix. QuoteIf he flips out, then you need to re-evaluate the strength of your relationship, or just not go to make him happy. Not everyone is that strong. There's more than one relationship out there built on the weak girl/controlling guy dynamic. I used to be in a couple. That's not to say either of them is a bad person. But it's worth examining.Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 235 #49 February 20, 2003 Quote"and I saw an email from the guy that basically said that there would have to be no strings attached and that they should meet." This seems like the key. Expand a bit."I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #50 February 20, 2003 QuoteQuote"and I saw an email from the guy that basically said that there would have to be no strings attached and that they should meet." This seems like the key. Expand a bit. Hmmm... taking some time to review the possible conversations in which this phrase would occur... Kite-flying? No, they need strings there. Wrapping a nice present to mail to the b/f? Nope. Meeting in a bar for drinks and sex afterwards in the parking lot. Bingo. Sorry to be harsh, but that is kinda the obvious. And it has a standard solution. Place that one on the curb. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
