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shouldispy

Is it ethical to check up on someone you love?

By shouldispy, in The Bonfire

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jraf    0

jraf
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Probably because she knows he'd overreact if she mentioned it at all.





I've had an experience where someone was doing something "shady". When I found out , he said ..." I didn't tell you because I know how jealous you can get..." Well... I call bullshit. He was actually turning it around on me..trying to make me feel like I was the one with the problem..he could keep his activities secret and then if I found out he could blame the lack of communication on my jealousy. Then I ended up having to defend myself and he somehow got to divert the attention off of himself. However, I do recognize that each situation and relationship is different and it is true that some are completely crazy and psychotic and you can't tell them anything without them freaking out which comes the question......Why be with them to begin with.. However, I should not even speak about relationships so ignore me..;)


Fine lady...if in doubt - SHOUT!!! There is no fault in the one that does no wrong. And if wrong is done as response to wrong...can you blame yourself only?

Maybe YOU are the one to tell everybody what a relationship is...think about it babe! After all real love just waits to explode...and you never know when..maybe at a dz, maybe while having a lamb dinner;)
jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

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SteveM    0

SteveM
There's an old saying that goes..."Nobody ever looks underneath the bed -- unless THEY have hidden something there before themselves. Mike, do you really want to live your life always looking for something that might OR might not be there? To me, that's not life, it's just a waste of time. You seem to have a "trust" issue, hence - you get jealous real easy. You need to find out why. If you can work that part out, then most relationships are a lot more easier. This is just my 2 cents worth after 2 years of "counseling". Best of luck to you...... >^..^< kat

Steve M
>^..^<
for me -- SkyDiving is a life sentence -- for it has saved my life.

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Nevets    0

Nevets
I think you should quietly look into things. I don't have time to read all the other posts but I saw a lot of 'no don't do that', or 'if you trust eachother...', BLAH BLAH BLAH. Time is ticking and you don't have enough time to really sort things out all the time. Check up on her and the second she crosses the line cut away.

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skycat    0

skycat
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I think you should quietly look into things. I don't have time to read all the other posts but I saw a lot of 'no don't do that', or 'if you trust eachother...', BLAH BLAH BLAH. Time is ticking and you don't have enough time to really sort things out all the time. Check up on her and the second she crosses the line cut away.



Of course the otherside of the coin is, she is doing nothing wrong, and she catches you. You may end up the one cut away. I know one guy who did exactly what you are doing, and she walked away didn't even glance back, because by that time she was sick of his jealousy, and dis-trust.
Fly it like you stole it!

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AndyMan    7

AndyMan
Why?

Because you don't trust her?

I am madly in love with my girlfriend. I trust her completely. Likewise, I know that she loves me like nothing else, and she trusts me completely. Neither one of us would ever check up on the other, because we're completely honest and upfront about everything and everyone in our lives. She knows I talk to my ex-gf every few weeks, she knows I'm friends with people I've been interested in the past. This doesn't bother her because she knows I love her like there's no tomorow. Likewide, she tells me about, and keeps in contact with some of her ex's. it doesn't bother me at all because I know how much she loves me.

You want to check up on her because you don't trust her. Either a: there's something going on in which case you should dump her, or b: there's nothing going on in which case you're being an ass for chasing her down. You don't trust her, and you need to trust the person you love. Get rid of her and go find someone you can trust.

Either that, or check your suspicion and jealousness at the door the next chance you get.

_Am
__

You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead.

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wildblue    7

wildblue
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This has all the earmarks of "fallback plan".

"I'll keep you around, but I'll date others secretly behind your back. If they don't work out, I'll stay with you."

Seen that happen. Everyone else knows and feels sorry for the guy. Ca-ching!



Boy howdy.... and god that's annoying!
I'm normally stupidly trusting. But, I've had suspicions before, and they turned out to be true (and then some!)
It's really nice when you can find someone you can trust. I know, most people say they trust their SO, but most don't really completely trust them.
it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

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Faber    0

Faber
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Talk to her and tell her how uncomfortable it makes you for her to see him alone. Explain that this is seriously bugging you, that you are sorry you feel this way but it's just how you feel. THEN determine what to do after you get her response. Not wanting to hurt him is valid, not wanting to hurt YOU is MORE valid.



I think you are so rigth..

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

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PLFXpert    0

PLFXpert

What's the dilemma? If she IS trying to do something bad, all you would be doing by telling her not to see him is post-poning the inevitable. Let her go, if nothing happens, stay together, it's meant to be. If something happens, break up with her. It's that simple;):P

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

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Skyrad    0

Skyrad
Been where you are and it sucks. The worst thing is you KNOW if something is going on or not.
Don't let her take you for a sucker, if she isn't interested in him then she'll introduce you to him in a non threatening senario like maybe the DZ bar after beer o'clock.
If she doesn't shes taking you for a fool, then cut away. If she does don't be an arsehole to the guy but leave him in no doubt that shes your girl.
Good luck.
When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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sunshine    2

sunshine
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This has all the earmarks of "fallback plan".

"I'll keep you around, but I'll date others secretly behind your back. If they don't work out, I'll stay with you."



Someone did that to me before. He kept me around and then when he found someone else he simply announced "you're not my girlfriend." Didn't even bother to break up with me cause he claimed we were never officially together... Completely broke my heart.

Funny part is, he realizes now how good i was to him. Everything he does and says proves he still likes me. Haha, i'm not stupid enough to ever go back to him though.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

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Skyrad    0

Skyrad

WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo there boy!

This is a whole different scenario!!!!

Why didn't you tell us this in the first place?

'so I opened up hers with her standing right there'

No woman in her right mind would let you do that knowing that she had an incriminating e-mail there!
And if she didn't know? Well...........

'I commented on the letter from XXX and she said that we should look at it together. '

Unless she wants to finish it and hasn't got the bottle (ie:wants you to do it) why on earth would she suggest this if somethings going on. Women know when their ex still wants to bone them. So even if she didn't know what it said but fancied him still she'd not make this suggestion but would move swiftly on.

'but she said it would be inappropriate to hang out with a guy who has the hots for her. '


So whats the problem? Sounds like you have some insecurity issuse to deal with. Question is are they about your relationship with this girl or about how you feel about yourself?

My revised advice on this fresh intel is chill out, like I said before you will know if something is going on. It doesn't sound like you have a problem here. Ask yourself some searching tough questions. And if you get to the point when you do know,

'LOOK'
'LOCATE'
'TEAR UP'
'PUNCH'
'PULL!'
'ARCH'
Dude, you know the drill..............Good luck.;)

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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slim    0

slim

who keeps saying I am married?!?!?!?!

I almost got maried once about two years ago then I sobered up.

for the record

>>

sheesh!:)
that is probably why I don't get any PM's huh?


>>>
A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

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