billvon 2,989 #1 February 18, 2003 WASHINGTON - In a new development today, the White House announced that they have received concrete evidence of massive stockpiles of weapons-grade chemicals in Iraq. "This is not guesswork," said Ari Fleischer, administration press secretary. "We have hard evidence that Iraq has massive amounts - perhaps even in the billions of gallons - of chemicals that can be used to create deadly weapons. These are stored in massive underground reservoirs, and are a mixture of PGO, isobutanes, pentanes, napthas and paraffins." He went on to explain that Iraq has not officially disclosed any of these chemicals to UN investigators. US geologists and chemists working in Iraq stumbled aross them accidentally and reported their findings to the White House. "These chemicals are the same chemicals that went into the making of the Oklahoma City bomb," Fleischer explained. "They are commonly used as terror weapons, and could be sold to terrorist organizations. Further, we have evidence that Hussein is using these chemicals in his military vehicles, making them far more deadly." Secretary of State Powell echoed these sentiments in a speech to the UN. "While not specifically prohibited, Saddam Hussein's intentional hiding of these chemical weapons should be a clear indication he has no intention of peacefully disarming. In many cases he has hidden these chemicals thousands of feet underground, with nothing aboveground to give away their hiding location. We must act, and act soon, to make sure these so-called 'hydro-carbons' are not used in acts of terror throughout the United States and indeed the world." In a related development, Powell told the UN that US spyplanes have found evidence of large stores of dihydrogen monoxide, or DHMO, a colorless, tasteless chemical that can be deadly when used in large quantities as a weapon, and is often used by troops operating in the desert. "Our intelligence indicates that he has a significant amount of DHMO stored in dual-use vehicles," he said later in his speech. "He claims these vehicles are emergency vehicles used during fires and other local emergencies, but they can be quickly adapted for use against civilians and troops. We have spyplane photos that show Hussein spraying DHMO on his own people, on innocent Iraqi civilians. His barbarity must be stopped." "Further, we must ask ourselves why is he stockpiling DHMO. Why, if not to prepare for a war of aggression against the US and its allies? I urge you to act against this madman before it's too late." Warfare experts agree with Powell. One Pentagon offical said that the most aggressive and deadly armies throughout history, including the army of the Third Reich, carried large stores of both refined HCs and DHMO. According to experts, both are required in large quantities, similar to the quantities Hussein is accused of stockpiling. Other experts warn that other potential US enemies, such as North Korea, already possess DHMO and are attempting to acquire HC's for their own weapons programs. France and Germany expressed skepticism over this new development. "DHMO and HC's used together? I've heard they don't mix well," said German chancellor Schroeder. "Besides, we've known they've had this stuff for a long time." France remained unconvinced but admitted they had little experience with DHMO, having replaced their dangerous DHMO stores years ago with safer reserves of red wine. (with apologies to The Onion) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meatmissile 0 #2 February 18, 2003 Would you care to wager a guess on how long it is going to take someone to invent a new cocktail and call it DHMO? Frankly , I can't make head or tail of it. I don't know where you find the time to follow all this stuff. -- ZZZzzzz.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beowulf 1 #3 February 18, 2003 I am just taking a wild guess here, but I think he is refering to the oil reserves in Iraq. buuuut I could be wrong. Down with IRAQ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #4 February 19, 2003 Hahaha, god bless the onion, and thanks for posting that one. Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #5 February 19, 2003 What about all the Methane that Canadian rural areas are producing? Or jump planes that release large quantities of Methane into the atmosphere every day. That gas could kill people! The UN must act immediately, it is a moment of truth. -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dterrick 0 #6 February 19, 2003 NOT DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!! NOOOOOO. This morning I was accidently soaked in the stuff. My hair went limp and my skin began to wrinkle. Last night I was experimenting with only small quantities of pure di-hydrogen monoxide - I added some to a dilute formula of C2-H5-OH (created chemically by converting dihydrogen monoxide with other organic ingredients, which had been exposed to peat bog fires for many days). I drank it with no immediately apparent ill effects so I drank some more. By the next morining, I was experiencing flu-like symptoms. Others have told me they can take the stuff straight up - some brag of up to 8 glasses a day!! Crazy bastages! Dave PS: the trade name of my "experimental coctail" is Laphroaig. Be very afraid if you ever see this stuff, in a pure form it is very strong and very addictive. Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend (Lennon/McCartney) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jimbo 0 #7 February 19, 2003 Terrible stuff isn't it? Can you believe that the entire population of this planet is addicted to DHMO and most don't even know it? I can't believe we, as a society, haven't done more to save ourselves from the DHMO threat. Anyhow - Click to learn more. - Jim"Like" - The modern day comma Good bye, my friends. You are missed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #8 February 19, 2003 Well I've been making biological weapons & stockpiling them in glass containers in my basement. I've been culturing a special type of yeast that produces a substance that induces a condition in skydivers known in medical circles as "nig-noggery" side effects include slurred speech, reduced ability to operate a vehicle, and flatulence. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #9 February 19, 2003 Quote Well I've been making biological weapons & stockpiling them in glass containers in my basement. I've been culturing a special type of yeast that produces a substance that induces a condition in skydivers known in medical circles as "nig-noggery" side effects include slurred speech, reduced ability to operate a vehicle, and flatulence. Ah, yes! Another Home Brewer! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #10 February 19, 2003 However, I will allow inspectors in to take samples. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #11 February 19, 2003 Bill thats nothing. the American military has ongoing experiments on the effects of DHMO on soldiers (including me!! hmm i need to file for disability). I've actually heard that the Navy devotes an obscene amount of money into DHMO research and that its heavily used in nuclear development and testing... typical US hypocrisy ____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KawiZX900 0 #12 February 19, 2003 this DHMO scare was done by some florida radio DJ a couple years back and people were calling in freaking out "war of the worlds' style. a couple older women were scared as hell. they DJ was reprimanded for it although all he said was that there were reports of people putting DHMO into the local water resevouir and what not. Accelerate hard to get them looking, then slam on the fronts and rollright beside the car, hanging the back wheel at eye level for a few seconds. Guaranteed reaction- Dave Sonsky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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