Michele 1 #1 February 4, 2003 Weather report calls for gusts to 60 mph at Elsinore, but the website was showing 9 mph from the north, and Shark, who I had planned to meet, can't make it. Steve can't get there, either, so I debate...should I go? Or just stay home? For some weird reason, I'm not really in the mood to drive 90 miles through traffic and go play in the sky. Not been sleeping well, lots of work, whatever. But I think, well, that motivational guy may be there, and I'd hate to break my word to him...so I grab my canopy, get a coffee, and hit the road. 2 hours later, I pull into Elsinore, and go into the office. My waivers are there, so no real need to hang around and chat. I go over to the gear store, get the Infinity, and chat a little bit with Cama. She's nice and cheerful, and, even though it's Monday, she's smiling and having a good time. I get the gear, and hear load #2 taking off. I sit out on the patio in front of the packing area, and watch the canopies play in the sky, swirling, dancing, gently descending. I get my hair braided while watching the parade, loving this. John comes over and introduces himself, and asks if I'm going to do a tandem. I tell him no, I'm just new here, and ask if there are any packers. He tells me to talk to Yoyo. Yes, friends, this is a name that strikes immediate trust and security in the depths of my heart. Yoyo. There are very few people - a Korean 4 way with a coach, 2 tandems, one with video, and a fun jumper. I watch them set the landing pattern, and come on in. The winds are maybe 10-12, still out of the north, maybe 70 degrees, and the blue sky is calling my name. I walk around the landing area, and check things out. I figure out where I want to be at what altitude, and come back to the packing area. It's deserted. No one's around, and I wander a bit. I sit in the sun and smoke, just kinda wondering about how quiet it is. I see someone I think might be Yoyo, and go over and introduce myself. I find out his name is Mauro, like Paolo only not exactly, no-one can pronouce it correctly, so they call him Yoyo. He's nice, one of the instructors, and I feel like an idiot but I ask him if he'd pack up my canopy into the rented rig. He readily agrees, and I ask him to talk me through it while he packs. he has to unpack the canopy it is holding, detach it, attach mine, and then pack it up again. He gets this done in about 47 seconds, and sits back and laughs. He's a rigger and an instructor, so I pester him with questions. I'm nervous, and walk around the landing area again, trying to figure rotor zones and other safety things. Just trying to get my feet under me at a new DZ. It seems fine, lots and lots of room, smooth ground, and a big X where students are supposed to head towards. As that will be my landing area, I pay close attention to it, and talk myself through an imaginary landing pattern...think about Pammi's video, and rehearse my landing over and over. I am really feeling the nerves now. 2:30 - and still no-one is around. The Korean team has left for the day, and the one fun jumper has called it a day and started on the beer. I ask Yoyo if it's always this quiet, but he reassures me it's not. We don't have enough for a load, so we sit and talk; I hear all the other instructors' horror stories of bad students, bad landings, and bad canopies. I feel very apprehensive, very nervous, very not wanting to jump. But I am here, my rig's packed, and I should jump. Just get it over with. So what, it's a new DZ but I've jumped before. Where is this happy horseshit coming from? It's no different here than at Perris, other than the beautiful scenery and slow pace. That's what I wanted, damnit. So what the hell is wrong? 3:30. Two tandems show up, and a 30 minute call is announced. I look at Yoyo, and say "Dude, I don't think I can do this today. I've lost the mindset. I don't want to jump." Yoyo looks at me...and you can see the disbelief in his eyes. He can't believe I drove all that way, hired a rig for the day, manifested, and then...can't jump. He tries his best to encourage me, but now the 20 minute call comes...and I just don't want to jump. I go to take myself off the manifest (hoping it won't screw the two tandems...if it was going to, I was jumping...), and ask Kat if it would still go without me. "Sure, there's tandems. We're going whether or not you do". And then it occurs to me - I am scared because I don't know what it looks like from the air. It occurs to me that I am an airweenie, I am nervous about jumping at a new DZ by myself, and not knowing anyone, and not knowing what it looks like from the air...well, perhaps I can change one of those issues, so I ask about an observer ride. No problem, but I have to wear the gear...Tom, the pilot, agrees. I go get the gear on, and climb into the plane. The other four folks get in, and we are set. We taxi down the runway and lift off perfectly. I don't even realize we are up until we are suddenly smooth, and the ground is falling away. I am not an easy flier, so I clutch the dashboard, and look at Tom. He's grinning at my discomfiture, so I ease my grip and smile. It is beautiful up here - the world falling away, stretching away from me. Shadows are reaching down from the mountains, and, in the distance, I see the sun shining over the Pacific Ocean. Tom says "look down to your right, and you'll see the DZ perfectly." I do so, and see the whole thing, laid out as clear as can be. I see it perfectly, and understand I really could've seen this from the back of the plane, while climbing to altitude...I could've done this. I had forgotten that once I'm on the plane, I calm down. I had forgotten that every time I get this way, to some degree. I had forgotten that I can do this by myself, have done it by myself here, at Elsinore, at the first Chicks Rock! boogie...and that simply because there's no-one in the air with me shouldn't hold me back... And then I go back to sightseeing and listening to the chatter from the other pilots in the area. I listen to Tom caution them that tandems are jumping, to stay away. How very safe he is. And how reassuring it is to see this go on. It is beautiful up there, away from the ground. And I am furious at myself, seething. I turn to watch the jumpers leave - I've never seen tandems leave the plane before. It's weird - there they are, strapped together, and then poof - they're gone...and Tom's watching out the window to see the canopy open. We gently descend, banking slowly and again he shows me the DZ. I am wearing my alti, so I mentally go through sight frames and compare perceived altitude to actual alti - and I am right 3 out of 4 times, including the 300 foot call (I missed the 1500 foot check). It was a good idea to do this, I think, because next time I will be able to jump, knowing the sight pictures and trusting the pilot and the DZ. But damnit, I am furious at myself for not trusting in the first place...Airweenie strikes again... Sigh... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #2 February 4, 2003 All things come with time Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #3 February 4, 2003 shoulda come down to San Diego like the majority of the Perris crew! I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #4 February 4, 2003 Michele, Sorry I flaked. My day didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. I was free in the afternoon and could have made it out there!! Blame me. I'm the Airweenie! I'm glad you got to meet Kama, Hammo, and Yoyo. I had a feeling it would be a slow Monday because of the forecast. Also, the British, Germans, and Swiss have all returned home. Only a Korean trio remains. Sorry again! I am responsible and owe ya beer and a jump tick. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VectorBoy 0 #5 February 4, 2003 Quote shoulda come down to San Diego like the majority of the Perris crew! Was San diego going today? Glen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #6 February 4, 2003 michele you decided not to jump ,oh well it happens jump when you feel right. i dont have any hard feelings to some one who decideds not to jump.(but if i evercome over you better..j/k)that is their decision. imnot gonna push them to jump ,thats their decision. so smile have fun and you will jump again. if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #7 February 4, 2003 Like I heard thousands of times before.... It is better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here. I think you did the right thing. You made sure you were comfortable. Good for you. The one jump I made Sat I was wishing I was on the groud at 1000 ft due to serious turbulance then as I was landing some moron landed right in front of me crosswind. I was watching and wound up doing a slightly crosswind correction but I was pissed just the same. You better plan on jumping with me when I'm out ther in MAY. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #8 February 4, 2003 Hey, hon! Glad to see you enjoyed the ride and the beautiful scenery. Don't feel bad for coming back down with the plane. I've done it twice...and do understand kicking yourself because of it. But, look at it this way...you're safe and able to do it another day.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2Fall 0 #9 February 4, 2003 I don't have the experience to be of any help here at DZ.com, but I do know enough to say if one isn't comfortable jumping - don't......there will always be next time. I weenied out of a jump already........two tandems were great, Cat B AFF was incredible......said no to my C-1 (the first time). It was the sunset load, been waiting around all freakin day because of the winds....by then I was worn. The high altitude winds were strong, spotter and pilot missed the exit run, circled around again, was just beginning to get dark, polit jerked the plane...could be out of frustration or could have been the winds..I don't know. I do know that I turned to one of my JM's and told him I wasn't going to jump.....it did not feel right. Next week, I had a perfect C-1 jump where both JM's released me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #10 February 4, 2003 QuoteI am responsible and owe ya beer and a jump tick. Shark, you're not responsible for my decisions. How in the world could you ever be responsible for me and my life? LOL...and you're certainly not responsible for my weenie-ness. That's my problem, you know? Mouth, YES! you and I will jump. I am still waiting for the post 9/11 jaunt to the skies with you...and Cora, when you come out, we'll jump, too. Thanks, guys. I appreciate the support. Still this morning I'm sorta mad, but I also understand that I needed to be comfortable, wasn't comfortable, rode right seat in the plane to get more comfortable, and will be fine the next time I can escape down to Elsinore. I hope. (I do think the waiting really got to me...) I just didn't think that it would still happen...last time I was at the DZ and didn't jump was back in August, and that's because the wind conditions were not something I could handle...sigh...Elsinore has some features that I need right now, like a 2way skills camp, that I plan on taking advantage of, as well as new folk to meet and play with. It will do me good to explore a new DZ...and conquer the airweenie-ness which showed up yesterday (damnit, damnit damnit!!!) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DivaSkyChick 0 #11 February 4, 2003 Michelle, I must have missed the post that you were planning on jumping at Elsinore - I'm in town and had I known, I'd have met you there! Please give it another shot. Sharky WON'T let you down again (GRRRRRR.) Next time I head that direction I will pm you so we can meet and float thru the sky together. Peace sweetie, Mandy --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #12 February 4, 2003 QuotePlease give it another shot Oh, Mandy, I will without doubt. I had fun with the folks there - even if one of them is named Yoyo...and even if I didn't jump. Tom the pilot is way cool, and was very "gentle" with me... I'll let you know. You and I have got to jump together - we keep missing each other, you know? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DivaSkyChick 0 #13 February 4, 2003 LOL it's true, we do keep missing each other! One of these days we'll get it right! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #14 February 4, 2003 Michele, there's nothing wrong with deciding not to jump. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling and trust yourself that you know what is right for YOU. So, don't give it another thought. You live in CA, there will be plenty of other blue sky days where the conditions will be perfect for you. Plus, I know what it's like to feel uncomfortable about jumping at new dz's. I only went to one boogie when I was below 100 jumps. Other than that, it wasn't until I was nearing 200 jumps last fall when I finally decided to start venturing away from home. So, you're not alone in being a weenie once in awhile. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dex 0 #15 February 4, 2003 Slight bouts of apprehension will come and go, nothing wrong with not jumping when things feel odd. It's funny when the creeping fear comes back. From time to time I would forget for a minute that the air "catches" me when I jump and worried about "falling" from the sky... but the next time I jumped the air caught me and I was fine. Or the first time I found myself under canopy after a high hopnpop... 13k or so.. I noticed that the little yellow cutaway cable and the white loop that is going through the top of my three ring doesn't really look impressive enough to hold me up..... the lines to my canopy also looked tiny... but it worked and I landed and everything worked out :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scoby 0 #16 February 4, 2003 QuoteOr the first time I found myself under canopy after a high hopnpop... 13k or so.. I noticed that the little yellow cutaway cable and the white loop that is going through the top of my three ring doesn't really look impressive enough to hold me up..... the lines to my canopy also looked tiny... but it worked and I landed and everything worked out :) It's funny how I never feel high up in freefall, but after a hnp, I'm blown away by looking 2 1/2 miles straight down between my feet! I have the same thoughts, about how unsubstantial everything looks. Oddly enough, the thoughts go away when I get down to normal opening height. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GiaKrembs 0 #17 February 4, 2003 Hey Michelle, Glad to hear that you are visiting Elsinore - Isn't Tom HOT!!! (we love our pilot) YoYo is a sweetheart, and I'm glad he was there for you. Next time you head out on a weekday, let me know - I'm sure we can find someone to jump with you, JIC Shark flakes on you! HA Don't feel bad about not jumping - I do observer rides all the time @ new DZ's. Will you be coming out on the weekends??? If so, I'd love to do a jump with you. Not sure if I'll be up in the air this weekend - sinus infection. I'm up there just about every weekend, jumping or not. I know I'll be jumping next weekend for the freefly skills camp. Take care, g Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother Beth lost her cherry and I missed it .... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
