n2skdvn 0 #1 January 28, 2003 HEADLINES IN 2035 Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock. Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped. Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million on E-BAY. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon). Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #2 January 28, 2003 these are nothing new....life will always be f@cked up!!!! ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #3 January 28, 2003 Quote these are nothing new....life will always be f@cked up!!!! yea but there funny!!!!!if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #4 January 28, 2003 Good ones! My cohorts in the office will like these. So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #5 January 28, 2003 Quote Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. TRUST ME - that ain't in the future - it's now ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #6 January 28, 2003 Quote Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Oh good, I have 32 more years. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #7 January 28, 2003 Skydivers in Eloy AZ build a 1,000 person formation in freefall for 7.4 seconds breaking the old world record of 949 people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,009 #8 January 28, 2003 >Skydivers in Eloy AZ build a 1,000 person formation in freefall for 7.4 > seconds breaking the old world record of 949 people. After landing, one of the organizers, Jeff Mullins, is overheard to say "I'm getting way too old for this shit." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #9 January 28, 2003 "Famous 300-way participant from back in 2001 was quoted saying 'back in my day we did it with multipul planes from the low altitude of 18k...you yung'n don't know how good you have it!' He proceeded to toss his walker into the landing area, sit down and mutter something about downsizing to quickly." --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
