Things you don't want to hear on the plane

[helicam 0]

Ten Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane
--------------------------------------
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't
feel that life is worth living anymore.

9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah,
hell, I don't know.

8. Could somebody come up here and tell
me what this button does?

7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.

6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini?
And keep 'em coming!

5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm.
I seem to have lost my memory.

4. Passengers on the left side of the plane --
does that engine sound funny to you?

3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!

2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops
-- is this intercom on?

1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes.
One way or another

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter

[riggerrob 643]

13, When Allah wishes us to know, he will tell us.

12. No Steve, I can't see the runway either.

11. Where is that damn check list? Ah, what the heck, let's wing it!

[darkvapor 0]

-Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh"


-You're at 40,000 feet and the co-pilot and the pilot are both eating chips and watching the in-flight movie.

[Zinger 0]

I know from personal experiences that "AaahhhFUCK" is the worse thing you want to hear from your pilot, The expression was used more in the days of piston/radial engine jump planes but is still heard in case of doom to this day.

------Have a good one!--------

[n2skdvn 0]

OK WHO S#!T!!!!!!!!!!

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[lippy 918]

Quote

OK WHO S#!T!!!!!!!!!!

Well that's just common jump plane talk

I got nuthin

[Lizard 0]

"Ladies and gentlemen, my dog Red just intercepted the glideslope for landing and we will be on the ground shortly".

[freefallfreak 0]

Quote

Well that's just common jump plane talk

Uhh, is this gonna' turn into a "FART THREAD"?? (holds breath and looks for door)

FFF

If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[miked10270 0]

14. "What the fuck is a Mountain Goat doing in the middle of a cloud?!!!"

15. "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engoines has failed, but we'll have sufficient power on the remaining engine(s) to get us to the crash site!"

16. "would any skydivers on the aircraft please make themselves known to the cabin crew at the open door to the rear of Tourist class?!" (Actually... Maybe not all that bad...)

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[CrazyIvan 0]

'Welcome to DELTA airlines'

That's scary

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[airtwardo 7]

Quote

'Welcome to DELTA airlines'

That's scary

What DELTA stands for??

Don't
Even
Leave
The
Airport

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Lizard 0]

Or DELTA

Delay
Everyones
Luggage
Through
Atlanta

[miked10270 0]

Whatever happened to:

Didn't
Even
Leave
The
Apron

?.

17. "There's no place like home. Theres no place like home. theresnoplacelikehome. theres no placelikehometheresno placelikehome...."

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[freefallin14 0]

"for those of you sitting on the right side of the plane if you look out your window you'll see the left wing."

"and while we're spinning out of control I just want to thank you all for flying with us and choosing us air. we know you had a choice in airlines and apparently, you picked wrong."

"talk to me goose...."

Bret

[CrazyIvan 0]

May I have your attention, we hope all of you have your wallets or purses and credit cards with you, they are going to be needed...the luggage compartment door is missing and all the baggage flew away, we apologize for the inconvenience. We'll be serving a complementary snacks in a few minutes. Thank you for choosing us, enjoy the rest of your flight

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[Luv2Fall 0]

Definately a fart.........for some reason, they smell much worse in the plane.

[Topcat 0]

I have heard this TWICE:

[PILOT]: Uh, what was that?

-Sandy

[lippy 918]

'Ahhhh, Hell!!!! Looks like my ex-wife had a hand in this one'

I got nuthin

[numbknuckle 0]

Quote

Definately a fart.........for some reason, they smell much worse in the plane.

no doubt - somebody always makes that stinky chineese food/beer/roadkill smell. "Ack!"

[CrazyIvan 0]

What about that 'baby-from-hell-' that don't shut up, poops in his/her diapers every 5 minutes and has a WITCH for mother. OH PLEASE...LET ME GET OFF THIS AIRPLANE!!!

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[lippy 918]

On my flight back from AZ there was this rather frumpy woman sitting next to me who looked rather ticked when I asked her to move so I could get to my seat.

I was taking my alti on so I could see what the cabin was pressurized to, and she kept looking at it with a worried look on her face whenever I tapped it (it's an Alti II that tends to stick), and I decided to have some fun with her.

Look at her, see she's looking at it and I quickly hid it back in my backpack. She starts looking worried, so I sit back for a while, then take it out again, tap it and put it up to my ear like I'm listening. She looked real worried there, so I figured I'd play it cool before she tried to get me in trouble. I was just praying we would hear my dytter at 1000', but unfortunately no

I got nuthin

[jumperconway 0]

pfffffffppppppttttttttttttttttttttt. OH Sorrry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Magistr8 0]

Not realizing the comm is on

" They laughed at me when I asked this question is class now, now they'll hear about it on the news"

"Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools." Napoleon Bonaparte

[Scoby 0]

My only story is from a few years ago, flying out of Miami. The pilot was giving the usual talk over the intercom...flight time, weather, and so on...when *BOOM!* our plane was struck by lightning. About thirty seconds later, a noticably stricken voice started up again, "uh, the engineers at Boeing, uh, designed this plane to withstand this sort of event..." I wondered for quite a while what exactly got the pilot so rattled.

[peckerhead 0]

Get the fuck out! We are going down!