DYEVOUT 0 #1 January 24, 2003 >What's the best form of birth control after 50? >Nudity >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? >45 lbs. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? >45 minutes. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the fastest way to a man's heart? >Through his chest with a sharp knife. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why do men want to marry virgins? >They can't stand criticism. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? >Because those men already have boyfriends. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? >After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? >The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What do you call a smart blonde? >A golden retriever. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why does the bride always wear white? >Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and >refrigerator. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? >The blonde, because she's 18 >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? >Ask your mom. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >How do you know when you're really ugly? >Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? >When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends." >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >If Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have? >Palm Sunday. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? >Her navel. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? >Bingo machine. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? >A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why did God create alcohol? >So ugly people could have sex, too. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? >"Are you sure it's mine?" >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? >Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? >Mace will do that to you. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? >They named him Sum Ting Wong. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? >A speech impediment. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? >Breasts don't have eyes. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? >A pimp. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? >Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? >A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the Cuban National Anthem? >Row, row, row your boat. >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? >A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZipTie 0 #2 January 24, 2003 You must have alot of free time, at work that is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #3 January 24, 2003 Quote How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? >When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends." Or a hooker says, "Not on the first date..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faber 0 #4 January 24, 2003 Quote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? >When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or a hooker says, "Not on the first date..." LOOOOOOOOOOLstop stop im crying now Stay safe Stefan Faber Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZipTie 0 #5 January 24, 2003 By the way I liked the movie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #6 January 24, 2003 Yeah it's my favorite flick. We're not super busy, but I have nutty friends who send me funnies, so I just pass 'em on. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #7 January 24, 2003 Depressed There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I over sleep and am late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, I find my car was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #8 January 24, 2003 GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas. Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 40 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 41 and 50 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit. Between 51 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war -- haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between 61 and 70, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away. Between 71 and 75, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future. After 75, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 12 and 92, a man is like Iraq - ruled by a Dick. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flymysky 0 #9 January 24, 2003 Ten things men know for sure about women... 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. They've got boobs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #10 January 24, 2003 LOL This one I will have to remember Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #11 January 24, 2003 Quote Ten things men know for sure about women... 10. They've got boobs! That's it!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
