SkydiveMonkey 0 #1 January 9, 2003 Now the women are going to kick my ass How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. > > > >------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. > > > >------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. > > > >------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." > > > >------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. > > > >------------------------------------------- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. > > > >------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. > > > >------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. > > > >------------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. > > > >-------------------------------------------- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. > > > >-------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. > > > > --------------------------------------------- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. > > > >--------------------------------------------- Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" > > > > --------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. > > > >--------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. > > > >--------------------------------------------- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,"I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." > > > >--------------------------------------------- Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. > > > >--------------------------------------------- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
epiphany 0 #2 January 9, 2003 A bit of payback..... Why did the man cross the road? Because he heard the chicken was a slut. Why did the man cross the road? Because his penis told him to. Why do men act so stupid? Because they are. A women gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter..... just get the hell out!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #3 January 9, 2003 Quote Why did the man cross the road? Because his penis told him to. Women wish they had a penis so they could have decision making skills. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #4 January 9, 2003 When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So, I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now 44 and looking for a girl with really big tits Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lizzieb 0 #5 January 9, 2003 Quote Women wish they had a penis so they could have decision making skills. then we'd have no need for men Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #6 January 9, 2003 Quote I am now 44 and looking for a girl with really big tits Hence the boobie pics on DZ.com!Yeehaw!My other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #7 January 9, 2003 Quote When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So, I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now 44 and looking for a girl with really big tits Dude...that actually sounds amazingly accurate for me up to and including the age 28 part. Just turned 31 and no way am I getting married. Guess I'll just go for the big tits now!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
homer 0 #8 January 9, 2003 Q- Why did the women cross the road? A- Who cares what the HELL was she doing out of the kitchen to begin with. GOD created women to satisfy the MANS needs and bare his children. A womens place is halfway between the bedroom and the kitchen or wherever her man tells her to be. CSA #699 Muff #3804 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freekflyguy 0 #9 January 10, 2003 What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you've told her twice. Dont flame me it's a joke. BuzzIt's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #10 January 10, 2003 then why isn't it funny? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ShivaDas 0 #11 January 10, 2003 Thanks for the laughs! I know I'm in trouble but, some of those had me laughing so hard Just havin fun! Paul Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
