SpeedRacer 1 #1 January 3, 2003 Garrison Keillor remarked that Christmas is a time that brings Democrats and Republicans together. Democrats like the Christmas season because it involves deficit spending. And Republicans like it because they get to cut down a tree. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #2 January 3, 2003 Difference between Reps and Dems Reps want to take your money, Dems just want to take your rights I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #3 January 3, 2003 And the Green party wants to take your money and your rights to protect some damned owl or something...--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #4 January 3, 2003 The NEW Republican party wants all your rights as well. First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VivaHeadDown 0 #5 January 3, 2003 wasn't this forum called Friday funnies? Let's stay on topic people. This is not one of BillVon's gvt. policy forums. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #6 January 3, 2003 Ok, a couple of jokes for you people. On the news: A truckload of Viagra was stolen, police is looking for hardened criminals. Q: What a condom and a coffin have in common? A: They're both filled with stiffs, but one's coming the other going. Happy Friday!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #7 January 3, 2003 Owls taste like chicken. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AirMail 0 #8 January 3, 2003 Quote Owls taste like chicken. I like Snowy Owls. They taste more like Bald Eagle. Patrick-- It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Postal Rodriguez, Muff 3342 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meridianjumper 0 #9 January 3, 2003 I prefer the Spotted Tree Owl with a nice orange glaze. Also a glass of red wine goes nicely. Ah yes, and a piece of cheese cake for desert. -Jeremy Blue Skies, Jeremy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AirMail 0 #10 January 3, 2003 Hmmm. Note to self: Try Spotted Tree Owl with orange glaze. Patrick-- It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Postal Rodriguez, Muff 3342 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #11 January 3, 2003 QuoteHmmm. Note to self: Try Spotted Tree Owl with orange glaze. Patrick I'd pair it with a Chardonay, though. Red wine is better with giant panda. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #12 January 3, 2003 Smithers Are you sure you want to go through with this sir? You do have a very full wardrobe as it is. Mr. Burns Yes. But not completely full. You see, Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food The only think I'm hunting for Is an outfit that looks good See my vest, see my vest, Made from real gorilla chest Feel this sweater, there's no better Than authenitc Irish Setter! See this hat, 'twas my cat My evening wear, a vampire bat These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino! Grizzly bear underwear Turtle's necks, I've got my share Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest! Try my red robin suit Comes one breast or two See my vest, see my vest, see my vest! Like my loafers? Former gophers! It was that or skin my chauffers But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best So let's prepare these dogs! Mrs. Potts Kill two for matching clogs! Mr. Burns See my vest! See my vest! Oh, please, won't you see my veeesssst! (Spoken): I really like the vest!--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy 0 #13 January 3, 2003 Engineers and Techs Several cannibals were recently hired by Solectron-Georgia. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources representative during the welcoming briefing. "You get all of the usual benefits, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However,one of our Technicians has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate a Tech?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You dummy! For four weeks we've been eating engineers, and no one noticed anything. But nooooooooooo, you had to go and eat the Tech!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #14 January 3, 2003 Quote Engineers and Techs Several cannibals were recently hired by Solectron-Georgia. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources representative during the welcoming briefing. "You get all of the usual benefits, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However,one of our Technicians has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate a Tech?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You dummy! For four weeks we've been eating engineers, and no one noticed anything. But nooooooooooo, you had to go and eat the Tech!" Phwew!!!, good thing I'm a tech. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #15 January 3, 2003 Quote Phwew!!!, good thing I'm a tech. If that's a worry, you should be a clown. Cannibals don't eat them at all. They say the clowns taste funny. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #16 January 3, 2003 Quote Quote Phwew!!!, good thing I'm a tech. If that's a worry, you should be a clown. Cannibals don't eat them at all. They say the clowns taste funny. LOL __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IronMike 0 #17 January 3, 2003 Did you hear what happened when the Vinegar truck ran into the water truck? . . . . . . . . . . Douche! (Ram fists into each other for effect) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KawiZX900 0 #18 January 3, 2003 sliced thin, and medium rare, cut's with a fork. A little bit of bleu cheese as well, adds that little sumthin sumthin to the dish Accelerate hard to get them looking, then slam on the fronts and rollright beside the car, hanging the back wheel at eye level for a few seconds. Guaranteed reaction- Dave Sonsky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #19 January 3, 2003 Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal and all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw. "Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like." "And then what?" asked the prosecutor. "Then he unbuckled his belt and pulled the sheep close." "And what happened after that?" "Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around ... an' licked him!" Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, "You know ... a good sheep'll do that." Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #20 January 3, 2003 What is loaded on a rednecks 'puter - Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders". - Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle. - Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape. - Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git". - Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos". - The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse. - Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!" - Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie". - Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt". - Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz". - Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am. - Daisy Duke screen saver. - Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator. - Microsoft CEO "Billy- Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates. - "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template. - One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun. - "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson" screen saver. - Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road a block or so". - Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker- "Hookt on fonics werkt 4 me" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VivaHeadDown 0 #21 January 3, 2003 Daisy Duke screen saver.......Daisy Duke...mmmmmmmmmmmm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
