happythoughts 0 #1 November 27, 2002 A little girl and a little boy were at daycare. The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey, Stevie, want to play house?" He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replied, "I want you to communicate." He said to her, " I don't know what that means." The little girl smirked and said, "Perfect. You can be the husband." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowbird 0 #2 November 27, 2002 Bad Blonde joke coming..... A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What's it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's supposed to be a rooster!" Her boyfriend decides to go over and help. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do here, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then............. he sighed, let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box! Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessefs 0 #3 November 27, 2002 Sunday Morning Sex.... On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her drandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied her granny, "many years ago, realizing advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bell would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm, nice and slow and even. Nothing strenuous, simple--in on the ding and out on the dong" She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive." what a way to go....that lucky bastard Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #4 November 27, 2002 http://www.bloodyfingermail.com/message.php?id=90606 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #5 November 27, 2002 The Poopie List (GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling. DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory. GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose. THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie! For more great humor... ...To The Funny Farm! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #6 November 27, 2002 Well you are definitely a parent of young kids Kriss, you use words like "Poopie" a lot! -------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #7 November 27, 2002 There's also: The Loch Ness Monster poop: its so long that part of it protrudes above the surface of the water. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 November 27, 2002 CHERNOBYL POOPIE: After an evening of nuclear wings or Mexican food...using the little spray bottle to cool the exit port. KRAKATOA POOPIE: Named for the legendary eruption of gas and flying debris that destroyed a mountain. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #9 November 27, 2002 Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in adual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Hoarse Schitt. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. Herecently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Family History Recorded By Crock O. Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #10 November 27, 2002 Don't forget the... The Crowd Pleaser: This sh*t is so intriguing in size and/or appearance hat you have to show it to someone before flushing. The Mood Enhancer: This sh*t occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. The Afternshock Sh*t: This sh*t has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. The "Honeymoon's Over": This is any sh*t created in the presence of another person. Pebbles-from-Heaven: An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T GO. Premeditated Sh*t: Laxative induced. Doesn't count. The Porridge Sh*t: The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER NEXT TIME": When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #11 November 27, 2002 A Frenchman was brought into court and told he was being charged with Necrophilia. The Frenchman said, "Sacre'bleu...thees cannot be!" "Sir," continued the judge, "the woman you slept with last night was DEAD!!" The Frenchman replied, "DEAD!! I jeez zought she was ENGLISH!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #12 November 27, 2002 Just in time for TURKEY DAY! ROFLMAO!C 1062 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
