The Office

[R00tj00se 0]

I don't think these have been posted yet. I've done number 9 a couple of times :)

Quotes from "The Office"...


> ////// WORDS OF WISDOM FROM DAVID BRENT \\\\\\



1) What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then
> in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So,
> collecting nuts
> in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think,
> would a
> squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

2) When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily
> by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
> this?"

3) Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the
> statue

4) If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a
> fork and imagine him in jail.

5) If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then
> you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

6) Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
> tomorrow.

7) You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete
> a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

8) If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will
> never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

9) If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

10) You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the
> back.

11) If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for
> themselves.

12) Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of
us
> who do.

13) There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug
> colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go
> figure.

14) There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard
> enough.

15) Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the
> wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

16) Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

17) Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly
keep
> under your desk.

18) Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
> ability.

19) Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and
> never quit are idiots.

20) If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make
it
> an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

21) Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2.

> didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

22) The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my
> footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

23) Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

24) Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning
on
> than illumination.

25) A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours
> or just half of someone elses?

26) Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?

27) You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time,
> well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober.

28) I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was
> just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

29) Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the
> bin without reading them.

30) Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
> mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day
> in the average
> office

31) So whats a goblin then ?

[lauril 0]

Quote

I've done number 9 a couple of times

LOL Me too, many times..

[TheBile 0]

People are never too tired to tell you how hard they have worked

Professionals are people who can do their best work when they don't feel like it

Absence of occupation is not rest

Always behave like a duck - keep calm and unrufffled on the surface but paddle like hell underneath

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm

If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment

It's only eighteen inches between a pat on the back and a kick up the arse

One of the most labour-saving inventions of today is a woman tomorrow

Take your work seriously - but don't take the office home with you

The best way to kill time is to work it to death

The best work in the world is done on the quiet

What do you mean we don't communicate ? Yesterday I faxed you a reply to the message you left on my answering machine

When a person does what they like and get's paid for it, they have found their job

Wherever power of any kind is given there is responsibility attached

"I said perhaps - and that's final !"

If chickens were secretaries, I would want to be an egg, because eggs always get laid by chickens

Well begun is half done

It's a wise person who looks things over, instead of overlooking things

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[mouth 0]

Not me.

I would NEVER do #9.

Show me where I did # 9.

You can't can you?

See!!!!

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[lauril 0]

Well I obviously can't 'cause you've cleaned up the evidence that you never even attempted to do the
# 9

[lauril 0]

And now I'm off newbie status !!

Thanks for that !

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

24) Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

Wonder what would happen if I told my boss that one...

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[bluefingers 0]

number 26 works for me

Kerry

[skygal3 0]

thank you, I needed that this morning.

However, I have a problem with #18...I will just ignore that one.