TheBile 0 #1 October 18, 2002 It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after proprietary, hands-on research, I am proud to present my results. REMOVING HER CLOTHES:With her consent...............................12 Calories Without her consent............................2187 Calories OPENING HER BRA: With both hands................................8 Calories With one hand..................................12 Calories With your teeth................................485 Calories PUTTING ON A CONDOM: With an erection...............................6 Calories Without an erection............................3315 Calories PRELIMINARIES: Trying to find the clitoris....................8 Calories Trying to find the G-Spot......................4092 Calories POSITIONS: Missionary.....................................12 Calories 69 lying down..................................78 Calories 69 standing up.................................812 Calories Wheelbarrow....................................216 Calories Doggy Style....................................326 Calories Italian chandelier.............................2912 Calories ORGASMS: Real...........................................112 Calories False..........................................1315 Calories POST ORGASM: Lying in bed hugging...........................18 Calories Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: 20-29 years....................................36 Calories 30-39 years....................................80 Calories 40-49 years....................................124 Calories 50-59 years....................... ..............1972 Calories 60-69 years....................................7916 Calories 70 and over....................................Results are still pending DRESSING AFTERWARDS: Calmly.........................................32 Calories In a hurry.....................................98 Calories With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories With your wife knocking at the door............13,521 Calories, results may vary.Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #2 October 18, 2002 So how did you find all this out ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBile 0 #3 October 18, 2002 Quote So how did you find all this out Days of experience. I'm totally worn out ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #4 October 18, 2002 >>So how did you find all this out >> >Days of experience. I'm totally worn out ! > Spare us the details: >GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: >20-29 years....................................36 Calories >30-39 years....................................80 Calories >40-49 years....................................124 Calories >50-59 years....................... ..............1972 Calories >60-69 years....................................7916 Calories >70 and over....................................Results are still pending Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBile 0 #5 October 18, 2002 Quote GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: 20-29 years....................................36 Calories 30-39 years....................................80 Calories 40-49 years....................................124 Calories 50-59 years....................... ..............1972 Calories 60-69 years....................................7916 Calories 70 and over....................................Results are still pending After burning 80 calories for myself, I asked my parents to fill in the 60-69 category () and extrapolated the rest. How's that for dedication to the science of knowledge and discovery !Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #6 October 18, 2002 Ok, stick to that story and you'll be fine... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottbre 0 #7 October 18, 2002 What about this one: Satiating Dove......................................Results are still pending (hasn't happened yet) Hehe, I'm naughty. "Your mother's full of stupidjuice!" My Art Project Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enrique 0 #8 October 18, 2002 Italian chandelier.............................2912 Calories *** Please enlighten me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBile 0 #9 October 18, 2002 Quote Please enlighten me! Was that a joke ? Enlighten - Chandelier ? If it wasn't, then I can't enlighten you because I don't swing that way. I'd need a cute young powerpuff girl to show you. Hmmmm. I wonder if there are any such girls on this forum ?Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #10 October 18, 2002 Not sure you want to know...I think it involves 70 year old men trying to get a second erection...A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enrique 0 #11 October 18, 2002 Quote Quote Please enlighten me! If it wasn't, then I can't enlighten you because I don't swing that way. *** Whoa! Dude, I don't swing that way either, but since you brought it up, you can AT LEAST explain wtf it is. I need some new ideas for tonight! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBile 0 #12 October 18, 2002 It may vary from country to country, but it involves you both hanging from the ceiling in one form or another. Your rig harnes would be ideal if you don't have the strength in your arms. For the ultimate in coordination tests you could try it heads down or in the sit-fly position. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enrique 0 #13 October 18, 2002 QuoteIt may vary from country to country, but it involves you both hanging from the ceiling in one form or another. *** Off to Home Depot I go! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rgoper 0 #14 October 18, 2002 after being gone from home for over 31 days, i'll calculate it up for you, and post the results when i get home on the 28th of this month! --Richard-- "We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 2,026 #15 October 18, 2002 Quote GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: 20-29 years....................................36 Calories 30-39 years....................................80 Calories 40-49 years....................................124 Calories 50-59 years....................... ..............1972 Calories 60-69 years....................................7916 Calories 70 and over....................................Results are still pending You young people are so arrogant and misinformed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ernokaikkonen 0 #16 October 18, 2002 You want to submit an exact figure for the 70+ category? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 2,026 #17 October 18, 2002 Quote You want to submit an exact figure for the 70+ category? Sorry, I don't talk about sex with my parents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ernokaikkonen 0 #18 October 18, 2002 >Sorry, I don't talk about sex with my parents. I understand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites happythoughts 0 #19 October 18, 2002 "sex with my parents" From Tennessee are ya? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bobsled92 0 #20 October 18, 2002 Ew icky. I won't here of it either. MY parents would never do gross things like S-E-X. (A Great Scotsman placed me at the door of my folks wee hoose, wrapped snug in me own bagpipe) ...just a little gift from ST. Andrew himself. _______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #21 October 18, 2002 hey bobsled, yer into that scottish stuff? Last spring we had a Celtic festival just north of my home town, Frederick, MD. Were you there? Here's a Scottish joke for you: What's the difference between Rolling Stones music and Scottish music?? Rolling Stones music has lyrics like : "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" Scottish music has lyrics like: "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kallend 2,026 #22 October 18, 2002 Quote "sex with my parents" From Tennessee are ya? No, my ex-wife is not my sister. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bobsled92 0 #23 October 19, 2002 I wasn't there. I should have been at the Celtic fest but the band I took bagpipe lessons from was there. Just south of Skydive ChambersburgIt takes a brave man to wear a WOOL skirt and no underwear. It's eay to take a whiz but, the "drip" can get you.(Kilts are $450 and made 90% cashmere now) _______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnnyD 0 #24 October 19, 2002 Quote hey bobsled, yer into that scottish stuff? Last spring we had a Celtic festival just north of my home town, Frederick, MD. Were you there? Here's a Scottish joke for you: What's the difference between Rolling Stones music and Scottish music?? Rolling Stones music has lyrics like : "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" Scottish music has lyrics like: "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!" Helloooooo Clay! I bet hip waders burn a lot of calories, being made of rubber and all! Ha Ha, got to it first! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
rgoper 0 #14 October 18, 2002 after being gone from home for over 31 days, i'll calculate it up for you, and post the results when i get home on the 28th of this month! --Richard-- "We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,026 #15 October 18, 2002 Quote GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: 20-29 years....................................36 Calories 30-39 years....................................80 Calories 40-49 years....................................124 Calories 50-59 years....................... ..............1972 Calories 60-69 years....................................7916 Calories 70 and over....................................Results are still pending You young people are so arrogant and misinformed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #16 October 18, 2002 You want to submit an exact figure for the 70+ category? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,026 #17 October 18, 2002 Quote You want to submit an exact figure for the 70+ category? Sorry, I don't talk about sex with my parents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #18 October 18, 2002 >Sorry, I don't talk about sex with my parents. I understand. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 October 18, 2002 "sex with my parents" From Tennessee are ya? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bobsled92 0 #20 October 18, 2002 Ew icky. I won't here of it either. MY parents would never do gross things like S-E-X. (A Great Scotsman placed me at the door of my folks wee hoose, wrapped snug in me own bagpipe) ...just a little gift from ST. Andrew himself. _______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #21 October 18, 2002 hey bobsled, yer into that scottish stuff? Last spring we had a Celtic festival just north of my home town, Frederick, MD. Were you there? Here's a Scottish joke for you: What's the difference between Rolling Stones music and Scottish music?? Rolling Stones music has lyrics like : "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" Scottish music has lyrics like: "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,026 #22 October 18, 2002 Quote "sex with my parents" From Tennessee are ya? No, my ex-wife is not my sister. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bobsled92 0 #23 October 19, 2002 I wasn't there. I should have been at the Celtic fest but the band I took bagpipe lessons from was there. Just south of Skydive ChambersburgIt takes a brave man to wear a WOOL skirt and no underwear. It's eay to take a whiz but, the "drip" can get you.(Kilts are $450 and made 90% cashmere now) _______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyD 0 #24 October 19, 2002 Quote hey bobsled, yer into that scottish stuff? Last spring we had a Celtic festival just north of my home town, Frederick, MD. Were you there? Here's a Scottish joke for you: What's the difference between Rolling Stones music and Scottish music?? Rolling Stones music has lyrics like : "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" Scottish music has lyrics like: "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!" Helloooooo Clay! I bet hip waders burn a lot of calories, being made of rubber and all! Ha Ha, got to it first! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
