Keith 0 #1 October 17, 2002 I've thought of calling my sperm doner and trying to build some sort of relationship with him because I'd hate for him to die thinking I hated him. I don't; how can you hate someone you never knew? Any opinions?Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #2 October 17, 2002 What do you have to lose by calling the guy? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #3 October 17, 2002 Nobody hates anybody some people we just don't particulary care for. That is how I was raised. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #4 October 17, 2002 Does the guy know you exist? I know some families that used donor sperm to overcome male infertility problems, but I didn't think there was any way for them to get the identity of the donor. If I had done the double-blind donor thing, and I couldn't, I would probably freak to meet my offspring. What a complicated question. Why would he think you hated him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #5 October 17, 2002 I think you might have misunderstood the meaning of "sperm donor" in this particular case. First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #6 October 17, 2002 I was about to say I was confused here too, but I guess now I should just keep quiet.... Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Keith 0 #7 October 17, 2002 Sorry for the confustion. This post stemmed from my response to Kingbunky's post. My response is referenced below. Quote Yeah. I have what I like to refer to as a sperm donor - not in an angry manner; you can't cry over something you never had. I haven't had any real contact with him in nearly 35 years - he left when I was 5. Every now and then I get a letter from a new girlfriend of his saying how lowly my father is feeling because his children never contact him. Oh well he should have thought of that before he bounced from family to family. Last I heard he's got 4 families out there and never stayed with one. Sorry for the confusion.Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 October 17, 2002 QuoteI've thought of calling my sperm doner and trying to build some sort of relationship with him because I'd hate for him to die thinking I hated him. I don't; how can you hate someone you never knew? Any opinions? I know by "sperm donor", you mean absentee father. Parent who left.ok. Relationships are built on events. You have no events, hence no relationship. Not good, not bad, just none. Maybe you ought to try a meeting? A burger and a beer? Sit and chat. You may decide that it's not worth it, but it is all just information. Then you know. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,485 #9 October 17, 2002 QuoteI've thought of calling my sperm doner and trying to build some sort of relationship with him because I'd hate for him to die thinking I hated him. I don't; how can you hate someone you never knew? Any opinions? If you do, make sure you have some good boundaries. Because he might just decide that you're the long-lost son he never had, and expect all kinds of sonly behavior. Not that it's a bad thing, but you want to know how you're going to react. He's most likely not just real good at relationships (duh!), so you can expect some interesting reactions. My ex-husband and his dad weren't close; in the 80's when we all lived in the same city, we got together pretty regularly, but when his dad moved away, things kind of fell apart between them. I've been closer to my ex-FIL, because I have no family history involved. My ex-FIL died just last week; my ex talked to him, and was with him when he died. He said he was really glad that he came down (I was there anyway). It helped his dad die in peace, I think. But unless they lived in the same city, they would not have had the relationship that my ex-FIL wanted nohow noway. He wanted my ex to attentively listen to stories about the family 50+ years ago, and to have that be important to him. It just isn't. Just my 2 cents' worth, seen from the outside. If you think of it as a kindness to someone who can use some kindness, and not filial devotion, that might be best. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #10 October 17, 2002 I've been thinking of doing this....my problem is I have no idea how to find the guy....he literaly hooked up with my mom...and well...I came about...all I have is a name..and town he worked in at the time(1973)....so anyone know how the heck to go about this? my mom wont help me..she keeps telling me to get over it. I have a great father though...he basicly accepted me as his own..even paid child support for me when my Dad and mom split when I was 1(gee wonder why that was??) So...anyone know how to go about this? the thing is throughout all my cancer and the like my mom still didn't want to tell me about it....that my Dad wasn't really my dad...she literaly told me about it a bit over two years ago. out of spite no less. only 2 people on earth knew about it. my Dad and my Mom..i dont even know if this guy knows about me. considering my Dad is 5'5" and my mom is 5'3" and I'm 6'1"...I was honestly not surprised... so any idea guys? Marc otherwise known as Mr.Fallinwoman.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #11 October 17, 2002 I don't have a middle speed on my gullibility. It's pretty much on or off. My folks split up when I was young, I have a friendship with my Dad that doesn't really compare to the father-son relationships many of my friends have, cause we didn't do nearly any of the stuff that bonds fathers and sons (subjective opinion). I enjoy knowing him, and we have dinner with my wife and kids at a restaurant between where we live once a month or so. The relationship is on my terms, and I'd abandon him, or anyone, who complicated my relationships with my wife and kids. We all enjoy our dinner/visits, but probably wouldn't enjoy more than that. So if you can have a casual, friendly relationship with him, something that add to your life in a positive way, I'd say go for it. If he wants to grouse about other things, maybe you say let's just talk baseball (go Giants!) or we don't talk at all. It took years and years to get to a comfort level with my Dad. I'm feeling for you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #12 October 17, 2002 Quoteso any idea guys? It definately wouldn't be easy. I would start by checking death records. Rule that out first. Then it would be a long process of weeding out possibles. Do you have a full and correct name? How about a description? The more info the better. Find out where he worked.....anything is helpful. Investigations can be quite expensive though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy 0 #13 October 17, 2002 Since you don't say what you've tried to far, I'll just make what is probably a totally silly suggestion. Have you tried the white pages in the internet?? Best of luck to you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #14 October 17, 2002 QuoteInvestigations can be quite expensive though. exactly my problem....some guys wanted 5,000...that's nuts..one guy wanted 10,000... Marc otherwise known as Mr.Fallinwoman.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #15 October 17, 2002 Quotesome guys wanted 5,000...that's nuts..one guy wanted 10,000... If you find the right PI agency they will do stuff for you A'la Carte. I used to go by my PI's office and get her to run names through the system on a per hour basis. So...I could usually get a name run through the majic box and all the info it came up with like credit reports and such for about $30 a pop. Much cheaper if you do most of the leg work yourself and just use them for the stuff you Can't do. A book on skip tracing might get you started. You can try here shop.paladin-press.com/Store/prodlist.asp?catid=1061 not saying these will tell you everything but they could be helpful. Most of finding people is about being persistent and pounding the pavement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpaghettiRulez 0 #16 October 17, 2002 Yeah... It took me roughly a year to find someone. I did it myself, and used the Internet almost entirely. It was a pain, got a lot of false positives, etc. Things you can try are US Search, White Pages, major online providers - such as AOL (their directories), regular search pages like google (believe it or not), etc. Success may or may not depend on the amount of information you have to start with. I had a name, a birth date and a ~20 year old place of residence that was no longer valid. Anyway, I wish you both well in your search/relationship building if you choose to go that route. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #17 October 17, 2002 Thanks guys... Marc otherwise known as Mr.Fallinwoman.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enrique 0 #18 October 17, 2002 Quote I was about to say I was confused here too, but I guess now I should just keep quiet....*** Smart man! I'll simply lurk and see what happens. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enrique 0 #19 October 17, 2002 All I know is that your Dad is whoever acts like such, not he who inseminated your Mom. My .02 cents Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #20 October 17, 2002 I agree 100%...my thing is I want to find out medical information so that I can relay it on to both my oncologist who'd like to know...and my daughter who will eventualy want to know.... Marc otherwise known as Mr.Fallinwoman.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
