Nattering about death

[wmw999 2,534]

Skydivers sometimes die unexpectedly. But not everyone (or even all skydivers) does. I don't have any real reason to post this other than that I need to talk, and it's 11:45 here in Texas.
I was privileged (and trust me, it is a privilege) to attend to my ex-father-in-law's death two nights ago.
He died very peacefully, at home. It was expected, but not quite yet. With lots of support (hospice and good hospital folks rule), he was able to talk to all of the people he really wanted to talk to. Including his semi-estranged son (my ex), who came to be with him after talking to him. He died with his son, his grandson, me, and one other person in attendance. He waited until he got home from the hospital, and died about 4 hours later. Friends got to do good things for him, and feel good about themselves (I hope - they deserve to). He got to hear all of his good friends talk to him on the ham radio he loved.
I'm not that sorry he died; he really wanted to. I'm very sorry he wanted to die; if he had wanted to, he could have had a longer and healthier life. But people have to die, and it really is a privilege to be able to help them do it as close to how they want to as possible. He made his wishes about the things he wanted very clear ahead of time. This made everything very easy. You can't plan to die always, but you can let people know the important things so if it happens, they KNOW they are doing the right thing. It's a comfort.
My ex-husband totally didn't want to actually be there when he died, but he was really glad he was there. Our son was very glad, and he was able to help in very real ways. Something I am very very good at is dealing with a crisis, and I can feel really good about this. It went as well as it reasonably could, and I did the best I could, and asked a whole lot of other people to do the best they could. And they did.
I just kinda sorta need to talk right now, so you guys are in part elected. I'm having a beer in memory of Tom Wilkinson. Cantankerous, but very very real.
Wendy W.

[Snowbird 0]

Hey Wendy, that is a wonderful and special thing that you were able to do. I'm so glad for your ex that he was able to see his dad and be reconciled. My dad died suddenly, at work, with no warning, and I'd give anything for a few last words with him.

Hopsice and caring professionals are people who don't get enough recognition. To give people dignity in their last days is a tremendous gift.

Quote

I'm having a beer in memory of Tom Wilkinson. Cantankerous, but very very real.

It sounds as if you have honest and wonderful memories to carry on, and the peace to face them through the hurt.

Be well and be strong.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

[JamesNahikian 0]

To die surrounded by loved ones is a rare gift. The world would be a better place for all if we lived our lives calculated to that end. You should share your experience with the people you love. Thanks for sharing it with us.

D. James Nahikian
CHICAGO