evilivan 0 #26 October 7, 2002 A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh". "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen.""If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation." David Brent Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluefingers 0 #27 October 7, 2002 A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel : Why do you have your breasts on your back? The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replied : "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face." Kerry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluefingers 0 #28 October 7, 2002 This Jelly Bean walks into a bar and gets talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, do you fancy going to that new Club in town?" The Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up Getting my head kicked in. "So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." So Jelly Bean says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me." And off they went. After a few more beers in the club, three Clorets walk in. As soon as He sees them, Smartie hides under a table, the Clorets take one look at Jelly Bean and start kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and Wipes his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?" "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Clorets are fucking menthol !!!!!!! Kerry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeded 0 #29 October 7, 2002 And why did the chicken cross the road He was stapled to the dog. Whats pink and red and crawls into walls? A baby with forks stuck in his eyes (that one oughta make me popular) dropdeded------------------------------------------ The Dude Abides. - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #30 October 7, 2002 Brit...I would have expected more out of you!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SatchFan 0 #31 October 7, 2002 Do you know why God only made one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make the second he made a Boo Boo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #32 October 7, 2002 I piece of string crawls into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve string in here" so dejected the string leaves. Next day the string crawls back in the same bar after tying itself into a not. The bartender looks down at the string an says: "We don't serve string in this bar. The string answers I'm "a fraid-knot" "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #33 October 7, 2002 What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies an a truck load of bowling balls? You can unload the babies with a pitchfork... ChaChing! "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #34 October 7, 2002 A little boy comes running into the kitch screaming "MOMMY MOMMY I JUST PUSHED A MAN OF A CLIFF!!!!" Mother: "So what did your father say?" Boy: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeded 0 #35 October 7, 2002 Whats the difference between a bowling ball and a girl from Oildale(insert own city) ? You can eat a bowling ball if you have to. dropdeded------------------------------------------ The Dude Abides. - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBile 0 #36 October 7, 2002 Why have elephants got big ears ? 'Cause Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom !Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #37 October 7, 2002 A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him...they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks,smiling, "Well, how was it?" The man says, "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #38 October 7, 2002 Your letting out my secrets TangoMonkey. Who told you I did that? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyhi 24 #39 October 7, 2002 QuoteWhats the difference between a bowling ball and a girl from Oildale(insert own city) ? You can eat a bowling ball if you have to. And, you can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #40 October 7, 2002 Quote Who told you I did that? Some hot dame in Scottsdale Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #41 October 7, 2002 Quote Some hot dame in Scottsdale Quote She is a hottie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #42 October 7, 2002 Here's an interesting one. Four nuns die in a carcrash. Not to long after the crash, the nuns are guided towards a shining bright light. St. Peter walks up to greet them. "Hello, Mary Katherine" says St. Peter. "Hello." St. Peter grabs a rather large book sitting on the ground, dusts it off. Mary Katherine looks at is quizzically and asks "what is that?" "It's a book detailing all the sins of the four of you. It's merely a formality. If you would mind disclosing any of your sins to me right now, we can skip this procedure and send you straight to Applications and Admissions." Mary Katherine and the other three sisters look embarrasingly at each other. "Well, this one time..." "Yes?" Peter asks. "This one time, I was at the boys' high school, at the gymnasium, in the lockroom, and I saw IT." "Oh," Peter sighed. He reached for a carafe of holy water and drops holy water over each of Mary Katherine's eyelids. "You may now go in, Mary Katherine. Admissions is on the 2nd door to your right." Overjoyed, Mary Katherine dashes through the gates. The 2nd nun approaches... stuttering "I have a sin too!" "Please, do tell." "Well, I was that same lockerroom where Mary Katherine was... and I touched IT!" Peter rolls his eyes and brings the carafe forward. "Please, Sister Hathaway, come be with our Lord." He motions her to place her hand in the water. The second nun dips her hands in the water and looks at Peter. Then, ALL of a SUDDEN... the third nun barges in and disrupts everything. Yelling, she exclaims "Peter, Peter! May I please gargle the Holy water before Agnes sticks her ASS in it????" ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DTOXX 0 #43 October 7, 2002 How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb? None- let the bitch cook in the dark... (this is actually very much out of character for me, really) ------- D.T. Holder SIMstudy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #44 October 7, 2002 Quote How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb? None- let the bitch cook in the dark... (this is actually very much out of character for me, really) Only a chauvinist would spend so little time in the kitchen that he did not know that there is a light on the stove also. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brits17 0 #45 October 7, 2002 LEVIN!!!!!! i'm going to KICK your ass!!!! i did NOT post that, levin you little hacker ;) He posted that retarded joke in my name, i accidently left my name logged on AirAnn's computer and i guess he decided to have a little fun. thank you very much :) _______________________ aerialkinetics.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #46 October 8, 2002 Quote LEVIN!!!!!! i'm going to KICK your ass!!!! i did NOT post that, levin you little hacker ;) He posted that retarded joke in my name, i accidently left my name logged on AirAnn's computer and i guess he decided to have a little fun. thank you very much :) Yeah, right. I've heard the jokes you tell, Brit. I'm not buying that for a second!KrisSky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
