diary of a south african in canada ...

[bluefingers 0]

Diary of a South African who moved to Canada to escape the crime!

November 14th
It started snowing. The first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife took out buttered buns and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

November 15th
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a FANTASTIC sight! Every tree and shrub was covered with a beautiful
white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, the city snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. But the driver smiled and waved and I waved back and shovelled again.

November 16th
It snowed an additional twelve centimetres last night and the temperature has dropped to around four degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish grey.

November 17th
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice again. Bought snow tyres for both cars. Slipped on my arse in the driveway,paid $130 for the chiropractor, but fortunately nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

November 18th
Still cold. Sold my wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work. Slid on the guard-rail and did considerable damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 15 centimetres of white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shovelling in store for me today. That damn snowplough came by twice yesterday.

November 19th
2 degrees outside! More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the fucking house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on the white shit on the way to the hospital and was totalled.

November 20th
Mother fucking white kak keeps coming down! I have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the mailbox. If I ever catch that son of a bitch that
drives that fucking snowplough, I'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the fucking corner and waits for me to finish shovelling, then comes down the street at about160km/hr and buries our driveway again. Fucking power still off. The shithouse froze and parts of the roof have started to cave in

November 21st
Twelve more centimetres of fucking snow and fucking ice and fuck knows what other kind of fucking white shit fell last night. I wounded the fucking snowplough poes with a pick, but the bastard got away. The wife has fucked off and left me. The fucking car won't start and I think I'm going fucking
snow-blind. I can't move my fucking toes, haven't seen the fucking sun in weeks and there's more fucking snow predicted. Wind chill is 30 fucking
degrees below zero!!

November 22nd
FUCK THIS! I am moving back to South Africa!

Kerry

[skymama 37]

LOL!
My parents tell me stories like this when I complain about the months and months of heat in Florida and want to move north. They grew up in Michigan and can relate to that story!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[kinney29 0]

That reminds me of growing up in Upstate New York. I'm so happy I live in South Carolina now. I kinda forgot why I like it here so much. Thanks for reminding me.

^Go Big or Go Home^

[kingbunky 3]

i know all about that crap. bought a snowblower last year. it has more miles on it now than my lawnmower, which hasn't been used in a month now. i figure when i retire, i'll buy a motor home and tie the snowblower to the back. the first time someone asks what it is, i'll park and stay there forever.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[helicam 0]

Quote

i know all about that crap. bought a snowblower last year. it has more miles on it now than my lawnmower, which hasn't been used in a month now. i figure when i retire, i'll buy a motor home and tie the snowblower to the back. the first time someone asks what it is, i'll park and stay there forever.

Can't resist....

why did the snowman drop his pants, he heard the snowblower coming!!

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter

[happythoughts 0]

A friend of mine from Michigan said there is a law (I don't know if this is fact) that you must carry blankets and 3-days of food in your trunk during the winter. It is in case your car breaks down.
If your car stops and you die, that's tough weather.

[riggerrob 643]

And people bother to ask me why I moved from Quebec to Southern BC!

[dterrick 0]

...mmmm, Manitoba

November 11 I have typically attended the Rememberence Day services held in Winnipeg (they fire the Big Guns). this year I've been invited to Brandon Mantoba to jump. Every other year it's bloody cold and we have enough snow to wear boots. The other 'other' years I have been golfing in a light sweater and windbreaker till about the 20th.

This year? Who knows. I've been shopping for waterski gloves (amazing how non-skydiving equipment gets used isn't it) to keep me warmer than the batting gloves I normally wear.

That @#$#@$% white stuff? Well, despite the lack of depth perception it offers it only hides the frozen ground for a short time . and we couldn't have Para-Ski without it.

Now tell me, is my first chopper ride and first para-ski competition gonna be one case of beer or two?!?

The Dave

Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend (Lennon/McCartney)

[Scratch 0]

Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[moodyskydiver 0]

LMAO! Thats porbably what my reaction would be if I ever moved out of TX.

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[JamesNahikian 0]

I'd enjoy this more if I hadn't lived it while growing up in Michigan. To include frozen toilets and cruel snowplow drivers.

Good thing I'll be in toasty Chicago this winter.

D. James Nahikian
CHICAGO

[ernokaikkonen 0]

That didn't seem so bad... Why'd he move back?

[quatorze 1]

Good thing I'll be in toasty Chicago this winter.

[Remster 30]

this joke is even funnioer in its french version of a Frenchman in Quebec.... the expressions he uses are ultimatly hilarious!

Remster

[Marz 0]

Quote

And people bother to ask me why I moved from Quebec to Southern BC!

Traded snow and beer for rain and pot?

_________________________________________
Did I just kill another thread?

[Skitzo 0]

That gave me a good laugh. It's so true, I'm from Ohio, the part that suffered from lake effect snow. It's not all bad though, Skiing is a great way to spend a winter. Although I haven't gone skiing since I started jumping.
Ever jumped in the snow?
--

"How do you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?"

[freeflir29 0]

Ya know...it used to be my dream to move to Montana and live that life. Then I became a skydiver. Somehow, I like WARM weather the best now...

[Skitzo 0]

Yeah, I came to the conclusion warm is better too, so I moved here (FL) and have bitched all summer about the heat. Ughh, I need to "find a happy place".


--

"How do you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?"