TheBile 0 #1 October 3, 2002 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ScottishJohn 25 #2 October 3, 2002 One day in the jungle a chimpanzee invented some tools to eat his dinner. One tool was a flat stick sharpened along one edge, this he used to cut his food. The other was a stick with four smaller sticks attached to the end each sharpened to a point. He used to spear his food and place it in his mouth. The chimp was very proud of his inventions which he called his one point tool and his four point tool. One day he awoke to find that the four point tool was missing. The chimp was distraught. He ran around the jungle trying to find his precious tool. First he came upon the lion. "Lion, Lion!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?" "No." Replied the lion, "I have not seen your four point tool." Then the chimp came upon the gorilla. "Gorilla, Gorilla!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?" "No." Replied the gorilla, "I have not seen your four point tool." Then the chimp came upon the jaguar. "Jaguar, Jaguar!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?" "Yup!" replied the jaguar, "I've seen your four point tool." "Well where is it?" inquired the chimp. "I ate it." Said the jaguar, smugly. "Why would you do that?" Cried the chimp. "Because," replied the big cat, "I'm a four point tool eater jaguar!"---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio 0 #3 October 3, 2002 four point tool eater jaguar four point tool eater jaguar four point tool eater jaguar OH!!!! I get it now!! I had to say it over and over agian before it hit me. I have not heard that one yet...Very original. Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast! Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool! bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 October 3, 2002 Quote...Very original And just a little painful Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dterrick 0 #5 October 3, 2002 Quotefour point tool eater jaguar OH!!!! I get it now!! I had to say it over and over agian before it hit me. I have not heard that one yet...Very original ...just wouldn;t have made it as a jok if he'd have said "a 255 cubic inch Jaguar" would it? JULES Well, if you like hamburgers give 'em a try sometime. Me, I can't usually eat 'em 'cause my girlfriend's a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian, but I sure love the taste of a good burger. (to Brett) You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France? BRETT No. JULES Tell 'em, Vincent. VINCENT Royale with Cheese. JULES Royale with Cheese, you know why they call it that? BRETT Because of the metric system? JULES Check out the big brain on Brett. You'a smart motherfucker, that's right. The metric system. ...Metric saves the screenplay yet again the Dave Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend (Lennon/McCartney) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #6 October 3, 2002 Quote...Metric saves the screenplay yet again And Nasa looses another spacecraft...--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #7 October 3, 2002 Pulp Fiction Boyo! Script for Pulp Fiction 2 - The Boyos are back in town, isn't it? The Scene: John Trovolta and Sammuel J. Jackson sitting in car talking. Pulp Fiction music fades off... S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh. J: Whaddya wanna know? S: Beastiality is legal there right? J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They want you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places. S: And those are valleys? J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice you've got a sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the interlect the police in Wales DON'T have. S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never fuckin' goin'. J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing about Wales is? S: What? J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over there as we got here, but there they're a little different. S: Example. J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a lump of coal, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in MacDonalds. Do you know what they call it? S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese? J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the fuck a 1/4 pounder is. S: So whadda they call it? J: A (assumes welsh accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch". S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch? J: That's right. S: And whadda they call a Big Mac? J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent again). S: (immitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch? J: Ha ha ha S: Whadda they call a Whopper? J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French Fries in Swansea instead of ketch-up? S: What? J: Daffodils. S: Arrr man... J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
