Grrrr.....

[tigra 0]

Lisa,

You've said more than once he's a good kid. So, sit him down and talk to him. Just like being a single mom has not been easy for you, growing up with a single mom had its own set of challenges for him too. I think both of you are probably stronger people for it. He probably has a better idea of the value of a buck (or a hundred) than a lot of us did at 18. You are a good person who raised a good kid- talk to him. But don't make any rash decisions when you are angry, you might say or do something you cannot take back.

I know you are frustrated and need to vent, but venting in a public forum he sometimes lurks really isn't playing fair is it?? Just my opinion as someone who is happily childless!

good luck!

maura

[skybytch 273]

Thanks for the insights everyone. It does help knowing that others feel I'm not totally overreacting.

I know his attitude comes mainly from fear - he's scared shitless about taking on the responsibilities of an adult, scared that he'll make the wrong decisions and end up hating his life. As the kid of a single mom - a skydiving single mom at that, I know he's had to deal with a lot of stuff that kids with two parents (together or not) don't have to deal with. I try to cut him a little slack because of that but sometimes I get to the breaking point... that's where I was last night.

He is working, six days a week, upwards of 50 hours a week. Because he works so hard I don't make him do a whole lot around the house. I know what it's like working that hard; I've had to do it myself and it sucks.

What really drives me nuts is the attitude that his money is more important than mine. He can spend hundreds of dollars on parts for his truck, doing things that don't need to be done but he wants to; my car needs sooo much work that I can't afford to have done because I have to pay the bills (and yes, also because I jump out of airplanes... but most of my jumps are paid as a side benefit of my job). I asked for the couple hundred a month because I really need the help, and also to give him a taste of what real life is like. You and I know the landlord doesn't care what other plans we have for our money - he wants his money on rent day regardless. That's what I'm trying to teach him with this.

Anyway, I knew I was choosing a tough road the day I brought him home from the hospital. It ain't easy being a single parent (as many of you know). I very well may be wrong in this, but I feel I've "done my time" - I'm ready to make plans for my future, ready to live my life, ready to do the things I couldn't do when I was younger because I chose to be a single parent. I can't do any of that as long as I'm still responsible for keeping food in his stomach and a roof over his head.

Once he decided to come home last night I tore into him. I let him know exactly what I expect and why, and what the consequences might be if he doesn't live up to what he's promised. I hate doing that... I hate being angry at the person I love more than anyone else in the world. I just hope some of what I said (screamed) last night sunk in.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I feel a whole lot better having been able to put this down in writing and get feedback from others. It'll all work out eventually... it always does. But patience has never been my strong suit

[sitflyr 0]

Quote

You and I know the landlord doesn't care what other plans we have for our money - he wants his money on rent day regardless. That's what I'm trying to teach him with this.

It may be a hard lesson, but it's a lesson better learned from you than out in the world. I work in a bank and I see what happens to the credit histories of young people who haven't learned to budget. They ruin their credit and it stays that way for years, preventing them from being able to buy homes, cars, or even open a bank account.

Financial responsiblity is one thing that he'll someday thank you for teaching him, even if you have to make him sleep in the truck to get the point across.

Julie

[Jimbo 0]

Quote

Once he decided to come home last night I tore into him. I let him know exactly what I expect and why, and what the consequences might be if he doesn't live up to what he's promised.

Really none of my (or anyone elses) business, but did you get your money?

Speaking of financial responsibility, there's a reason I'm sitting at home on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[skybytch 273]

Quote

but did you get your money?

Yup. Question now is, will the check bounce?

[Jimbo 0]

Quote

Yup. Question now is, will the check bounce?

If you want to save yourself the surcharge of a bounced check you can always cash it at the bank it was drawn on, they won't hand over the money without sufficient funds. Back in college I had to do this a time or two.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[Unutsch 0]

It must be great to have non-whuffo parents. But then again, non-whuffo parents know _everything_ about skydiving culture and know EXACTLY what you are up to, ALL the time!

[kingbunky 3]

i soooo understand where you are coming from Lisa, but in my case, they are my stepsons...

the younger one, who will be 19 soon, isn't too bad. he thought he knew it all and didn't need more school. he told the school he wanted to quit, they said he couldn't, by law, until he was 18, so he went back to class and told his teacher to go fuck themselves and got himself expelled. a couple of years of minimum wage burger slinging and he's ready to go get a high school equivalency, and he's paying board.

his older brother, OTOH, is driving me insane. he's now 22 and hasn't been in school for 5 years now. can't keep a job for more than a month at best, and doesn't work most of the time (hasn't had a job since last christmas). actually charged me with assault at one time because i shoved him onto a sofa. left us with $2k in phone bills in 2 months one time. tells his mother what he will and won't do etc, etc.... if he was my kid, he'd be living in a cardboard box, but his mother won't do it, his father lives to far away to be of any use at all.

i know this isn't any help at all, but you aren't alone!

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[Brisco 0]

Just a suggestion: if you want to get his attention, don't scream - whisper. And don't lay out any specific threats, just something more along the lines of if you do/don't do such and such, you will NOT like the consequences. Then if he doesn't comply, do something creative - like put a padlock on the refrigerator - or clean out his room leaving only a bare mattress on the floor and if there is something in his room that you paid for, sell it! Getting into an argument with him is counter-productive - he doesn't want to hear it, he doesn't want the hassle and it only raises your blood pressure. Maintain calm, but let him know in no uncertain terms that you mean business! Good luck. My kid turns 30 (30?? holy shit!!) in a couple of weeks so I know what kind of stuff you're going through. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and bruises to prove it! LOL

Brisco

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

[Deuce 1]

[reply
Well, you could remove the door from his room (does he pay extra for privacy?)

[skymama 37]

This is one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:

Quote

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

I'm sure that you have raised him well, and that he will soon come to appreciate you, what you have done for him and the sacrifices you have made over the years. Hang in there, it's just a phase I'm sure.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[lummy 4]

Quote

Hang in there, it's just a phase I'm sure.

And if that doesn't work, fantasizing about where and how to hide the body helps a lot!!!

JK, going thru my own trials and tribulations, I empathize completely

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1

[ifallout 0]

hmmm, that sucks, I am a single parent of a teenage girl, not that big a deal really, heheh must be the truck.


good luck,

Bill

have fun, love life, be nice to the humans

[ChileRelleno 0]

Time for Jr. to take a hike,its the best thing you can do for him and yourself.You did your part and now he needs to his on his lonesome.

Chile"the crip"Relleno.

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868

[AndyMan 7]

I thought he was supposed to be in school by now anyways?

Methinks someone needs a kick in the ass...

_Am

__

You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead.

[drenaline 0]

Quote

and also to give him a taste of what real life is like.

You are one of the best parents there are, you are teaching him about how to be an adult and you are doing in a friendly environment.

Quote

I can't do any of that as long as I'm still responsible for keeping food in his stomach and a roof over his head.

That is the cross that every parent has to carry, because he is your loved one, in the future he will pay you back by doing the same.

Quote

I let him know exactly what I expect and why, and what the consequences might be if he doesn't live up to what he's promised.

Good call, involve him in the things that he doesn't takes serious, it is time for him to see the truth of living in a non free world (I personally think its BS that we are living in a free world).

Quote

I hate being angry at the person I love more than anyone else in the world. I just hope some of what I said (screamed) last night sunk in.

Sometimes we have and we do get angry that way others know that they have done wrong. Like one of the posts said, you should try not to scream at him, instead try talking things over, whisper; when you scream at somebody they usually don't listen and say "she's just mad about something I dunno what she was telling, I just let her scream until she got tired and left" but when you talk we go "dude she almost made me cry, I gotta help more"

I am not a parent or anything like that, am just a 21 year old kid that still lives in his parents house. We have a law that I can't get kicked out before 25 years old, but I have to be studying (university, school whateva) and follow the house rules. Responsabilities is a thing we fear and the older we get the more we get.

HISPA 21
www.panamafreefall.com