Just to help finish the day....

[f1freak 0]

George Carlin Strikes Again

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as
the “Bucs”, what does that make the Tennessee
Titans?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. . Does
that mean that one Enjoys it?

There are three religious truths:
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each Other in
the liquor store or at Hooters

If you take an Oriental person and spin him
around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a
whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, “A penny for your
thoughts” and you put your two cents in. . . What
happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called
a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it
say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called
pianist but a person who drives a race car not
called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite
things?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in
the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the
longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can
be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge. Would they call
it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s
licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it
dawned on me. . They’re cramming for their final
exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what
do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?

If it’s true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn
to drive.

No one ever says, “It’s only a game” when their
team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn’t zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

HAVE FUN...
...JUST DONT DIE

[Robin 0]

thanks..i needed a laugh.

[dove 0]

Those are hilarious! Thank you so much! Hehehe! Gonna have to forward that to a few people.