Viking 0 #1 August 5, 2002 If you are easly offended by offcolor jokes DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!! If you look anyway then don't bitch b/c i warned ya. *Disclamer*I am not racist, homophobic, or a pedaphile so don't call me one. I did not think up ANY of these jokes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q:What's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus? A:It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture Q:Why can't jesus eat m&m's? A:They keep falling through the holes in his hands Q:What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common? A:They both wear tuxedo's and can't fly worth a shit. Q:What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? A:Getting them out of their wheelchairs. Q:How many homo's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:One, but it takes the whole emergency room to get it out. Q:What doeth a gay horth eat? A:Haaaaaaaaaaaay! Q:How do rednecks celebrate Halloween? A:Pump kin. Q:Why can't Stevie Wonder read music? A:Because he's black. Q:How do you knwo you're at a gay BBQ? A:The hotdogs taste like shit. Q:How do you know if you've walked into a gay church? A:Only half hte congregation is kneeling. Q:What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and you TV is floating? A:Yell "Drop It N%(*&#!" Q:Why doesn't Jesus play hockey? A:Cause he's afraid of being nailed to the boards Q:How many midgets does it take to paint a wall? A:It depends how hard you throw them. Q:What's the most intelligent thing to ever come out of a womans mouth? A:Einstien's cock. Q:What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? A:One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. The other is a plastic bag. Q:What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A:A quarter pounder with cheese Q:Why don't women take a piss first thing in the morning? A:Have you ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich? Q:How do you clear out a crowded public bathroom? A:"Nice dick." Q:What is small, brown and found in small childrens pants? A:Micheal Jacksons hand. Q:How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? A:Nail his other hand to the floor. Q:How do you know your neighborhood is starting to be overrun with asians? A:Even the mexicans are buying car insurance. A priest and a rabbi sneak a little boy out into the woods, and the priest says to the rabbi, "Let's screw him!" The rabbi gets excited by the idea and replies, "Out of what?" ok, this one is FAAR better if told in person, with the teller getting into it and doing the gay voices and everything. These 3 gay guys were sitting around an airport terminal waiting for their boyfriends' flight to come in. well, they are just sitting around, flaming, doing whatever, when news comes in that the plane has crashed and there are no survivors. well, of course they all become frantically upset and start crying. then the first guy says, *imagine a blatantly gay voice here* "oh, my goodness, i just loved my man soooo much, and i am gonna miss him, but this is what i am gonna do. my man, he just loved the ocean, so i am gonna have him creamated and i am gonna sprinkle his ashes over the water, that way he can be with the ocean forever." so then the second guy says *equally as blatantly gay voice* "oh, my goodness, i miss my man soooooo much, and i just loved him, and he just loved the mountains. so what i am gonna do is have him creamated and go up to the top of a mountain, and just sprinkle his ashes everywhere, that way he can be with the mountians forever." so the third guy stops crying for a second and says, *again extremely homosexual voice* "oh, my goodness, i just miss my man soooooo much, and i loved him sooo much, and my man, let me tell you was a stallion in bed, just hung like a mule. so this is what i am gonna do. i am gonna get him creamated, and i am gonna sprinkle his ashes over a bowl of hot chili, that way he can tear my asshole up one more time." A guy sporting a ski mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. "Open the fucking safe" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" she replies, "we don't have any money, this is a sperm bank". "Don't argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow your head off" says the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says "Take out one of the bottles and drink it." "But it's full of sperm" she replies nervously. "Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises the cap off and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too" he demands. She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband. "There," he says "it's not that fucking difficult is it ?" A doctor goes into his patient's room, drops her baby on the floor and punts it out the window. The lady shrieks in terror whereupon the doctor says, "Can't you even take a joke? It was a stillborn anyway." A guy enters an elevator with a woman already on board. The doors close and shortly after he asks her,"Can I smell your pussy?" "No!" she snaps back. "Then it must be your feet" the guy replied.I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
indyz 1 #2 August 5, 2002 Now Arthur, don't make me quote HH's policies about pedophilia. And now for mine: Why shouldn't women have drivers lincenses? Because there aren't any roads between the kitchen and the bedroom. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingMarc 0 #3 August 5, 2002 Must... resist... urge... to tell pedophilia jokes... ::eyeing hot fork with mischievous look:: M P.S. The blind man, deaf man and the lame man went on a pilgrimage to a healing spring. The blind man washed his eyes with water from the spring and exclaimed "I can see! I can see!" The deaf man washed his ears with the spring water and exclaimed "I can hear! I can hear!' The lame guy drove his wheelchair into the water and exclaimed "I got new tires!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drenaline 0 #4 August 5, 2002 Quote If you are easly offended by offcolor jokes DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!! If you look anyway then don't bitch b/c i warned ya. *Disclamer*I am not racist, homophobic, or a phedaphile so don't call me one. I did not think up ANY of these jokes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why women have short feets? to be closer to the kitchen sink Why a woman is like a parachute? They are only good when they open How was the copper cable invented? 2 judes fighting over a cent What do you see when you look at a blondes ear? Wind tunnel I am not a racist, I have nothing against the inferior race. How many neurons does a lady has? 4 1/2, one for each burner and the 1/2 for the oven Why womens haven't gone to the moon? The haven't finnished cleaning the earth How can I make a woman happy? Build her a bigger kitchen (true story) --------------------------------------------------- Sorry about all the women jokes, are the only ones I could of remember now. Oh yeah and I do love blonde womens. HISPA 21 www.panamafreefall.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #6 August 5, 2002 nothing to see here move along I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #7 August 5, 2002 >Q:What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? >A:A quarter pounder with cheese Q:What do you call an European anorexic with a yeast infection? A:A Royale with cheese Ha ha. Erno Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rmcvey 0 #8 August 5, 2002 Q; Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A; A blow job will make your day, but anal sex will make your whole week. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skreamer 1 #9 August 5, 2002 Quote I think it's safe to assume that if you plan to make any jokes of that nature (about child abuse, child pornography, pedophilia etc) on these forums that I'm not going to look too kindly on it.... and I'm trying to be tactful here. Please find something else to joke about or take this to a forum on a different site. Safe swoops Sangiro I take it the above still applies? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
