Crossroads of time and life

[skymut 0]

It is hard to find direction a lot of times. First, you should know (by these other posts, I think you do), that you are not alone. We all go through these periods, and sometimes they last a long time, and aren't easy to see through.
I myself just went through my 'mid-life' crisis at 31. I felt as though I was staying with the career I had for the sole purpose of monetary security, and that I made a lot of decisions based on what my family expected.
I love my family, they have supported me through more than I can post here, but the bottom line is, you have to make decisions for YOURSELF, not for anyone else. That is how I decided to start living - I am my own person, with my own future, and that is what I have to think about when I make decisions.
When trying to find a career the best advice I can give, like others, is to find something that you really enjoy doing, then do it. You might have a bunch of different jobs, over several years trying to figure out what it is you love to do, but nothing will allow to know if it is something you love to do better than on the job training. No matter what you do for a career, it can become mundane, and become just a job. I fell in love with my new career, because it is ALWAYS a challenge, and nothing charges me more, and makes me feel more fulfilled in a career than learning something new, through hard work, bad decisions and good decisions - it's all a learning experience, and it's a blast. Any time I think I know a lot, I meet someone who knows a lot more, or I read about new technology, and that makes what I do interesting and fresh.
But life isn't about a career. Love your career, but the best 'quote' I can give you about work is this, "No person has ever been on their death-bed and said to their loved ones - I sure wish I would have spent more of my life working." DON"T MARRY YOUR CAREER. I go to work, I love being there, I try to learn what I can while I'm there and sometimes when I'm at home - but when I leave at the end of the day/week, THAT IS ALL THAT MY WORK GETS FROM ME.
It is very sobering to think about the decisions that lie ahead..."what if I decide to do this instead of that, or that instead of this." Bottom line, you don't know the future, and you never will, no matter how hard you try to plan for it. You are going to make some bad decisions through life, don't be afraid to make them, just know it's going to happen. But when you realize that you made a bad decision, learn from it, fix it if it is something that can be fixed, then move on.
No one's future is known, "plan for the future, but live like there's no tomorrow." Most people interpret that line incorrectly - living isn't just about which party to go to next, or who to hook up with next, or what sort of self-destructive behavior can I get involved with. Life, and experiencing life is much deeper than all that.
Look and appreciate the beauty around you, make deep friendships, have deep relationships, be the best person you can be.
I could go on, but I just want to say that I relate, and that you are not alone.
Also, skydive as much as you can afford....Keep your chin up...
Oh yea, I almost forgot, LAUGH A LOT...(this coming from someone who has a dancing chicken for a profile photo).

Matt
A well-informed person is somebody who has the same views and opinions as yours.

[coho21 0]

Hmm... you know I'm in a somewhat similar boat. 23/4 trying to find direction. I just feel that you have to try a little bit of everything until you find out exactly what it is you like.

A few people have already said it but I'll pitch it again too. What is the point of doing something (even if it makes you a ton of money) if you are not happy doing it?

Take a chance! I wish I had in college. There were a few road trips across the country and to the Far East that I would have loved to have been on. But I too was worried... what about the money, what about my future, etc, etc...

Yes this is a pivotal point in your/our lives and yep there are a ton of routes out there for you/us to take (military, beach bum, etc.) but hey, you won't find out what really makes you happy in life until you experience the things that don't. Likewise, IMHO you won't find out what you really want out of your life until you have found out what you don't.

Learn from your accomplishments and mistakes, ask questions of those who have gone before us, (As you can see there are a few who have been in the same place before) and move out from there. Remeber it's your life and you only have one.

Oops, now I'm starting to ramble.
Good luck and experience as much as you can. Those people that do always seem to have the best stories.

J

J
YSD#0009

[quade 4]

Quote

The only thing I wonder is if he was asking for people's advice with his post or if he just needed to vent.

Perhaps it was just venting, but to me for anyone to make a public statement like that is also a cry for help.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[Snowbird 0]

Jason, that was like reading my own words a year ago. I was 29, house-poor and in debt, my dad had died recently, my job was fizzling away, my education wouldn't get me the kind of employment I wanted, and 'looking ahead' meant looking into an abyss. I've fought with the same demon, and still do in some ways.

It will get clearer and easier, and you have lots of time.

I used to define myself by my job. Who I was depended on what I did. In the last year, I've changed my perception and now I define myself by who I am, not what I am. My passions, my values, my relationships, they make me who I am and the rest is just details.

Maybe that will help, maybe not. It's your journey; don't let other peoples expectations shape what you expect of yourself.

And when in doubt... Go jump out of an airplane!!!

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

[ltdiver 3]

Quote

I decided to make the jump. It was very scary...

It was a lot of hard work, but now I make a pretty decent living and I'm much happier than I would have been if I stayed...

These types of things aren't easy. I just decided I was going to take a chance rather than waking up one morning 30 years down the road and wondering "What if I had...."

Good for you! Yes, it's scarey! Been there before myself with life changing experiences as well. Looking back, I'm sure glad I didn't ball up into a hermit and let the life pass by! (wanted to though).

Take focus. Make decisions. Take action.

Otherwise you -will- look back on life and wonder 'what if' and be sorry you didn't try.

(And age has nothing to do with it. Lots of people have changed later in life and were very happy to have finally realized their dream and were finally happy.)

ltdiver

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[DickMcMahon 0]

Matt:

Your comments were great!

Thanks for sharing 'em!

[hawkbit 0]

Since this isn't a skydiving question, I can put my 2 cents in.
23 going on 24... So many choices to make and the pressure to make them RIGHT NOW!
This IS the time in your life when you can take time and really enjoy yourself. Don't throw that chance away. Your only limitations are the ones you impose upon yourself. Life happens all around you, it's up to you to be a part of it or a bystander. If you haven't put yourself in debt yet, don't! Live as cheap as you can, if you spend all your money trying to impress other people, you will only dig a hole that will cost you most of your 20's getting out of. Responsibility is fine, but remember, this is YOUR life and you only get 1 chance at it. Be spontaneous, its possible to do without being stupid as well. Worried that you owe your friends and family your presence... don't! Your family will be there and true friends will encourage you to pursue happiness where ever it takes you. You will make bad decisions... it a human trait, don't sweat it, learn and move on with your life. Don't live your life based on other peoples expectations of you, they don't live theirs based on your expectations. Want a fresh start... do it! It will be harder to do the older you get. See, the idea is that you use this time, right now, to figure out what you like and don't like. 20 years from now will not be the best time to start choosing career paths. So, if you want to try something, try it. If you don't like it, find something else. Most of all be true to yourself and your happiness, if you are miserable with your life you won't make anyone happy!
It's a big world out there and going out in it and trying new things can be as scary as that 1st jump from a plane, but the rewards can be just as big.
Hang in there. Relax. Breathe. Smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing"

[hooked 0]

Geez, I want to reply to this post, but don't even know where to begin! You are young, don't get trapped in a life that doesn't feel good to you. Change whatever you can to make things 'brighter' for you. Easier said than done, I know. To be your age, and the chance to change the direction of your life, is................I don't know what I am trying to say! What a 'dorky' reply


J

--------------------------------------
Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[FliegendeWolf 0]

Quote

Perhaps it was just venting, but to me for anyone to make a public statement like that is also a cry for help

Could be. As I said in my first post, nobody can ever truly understand what's going on with another person because a person is shaped by his or her own experiences. My reaction to the post was that somebody was feeling isolated and needed reassurance that he is not alone. You heard something else. No doubt if you or I were to post a message like that here, we would each be trying to communicate different metamessages. Anyway, I'd like to hear from Jason again, because this thread is getting longer and longer, but he hasn't posted since his first one.
How are you doing, Jason?

A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All

[wceviper 0]

Hey everyone, I cannot believe the response. I put the post up looking for adive, knowedge, and other poeples experiances, not really a cry for help, but it could be seen that way. I have been reading throught the entire thread and have even gotten a few PMs. I thank everyone for there support, and the willingness to share you idea's and experiance. There are so many good replies, that I am overwhelmed on where to start first. I will say one thing, I dont think I am the military type. I am not going to say I haven't givin it some thought though.

I am sorry I couldn't reply sooner, work has kept me busy the past 24hrs.

Some consider me lucky going through this at a young age, and some sympathize. Now I see it from both perspectives. I would not wish the stress on anyone, but for some people the sooner it happens, the better.

I have learned alot in life the past 2-3 years, mostly about true friends and real family. It is very discomforting what people will do, and i mean the ones you can supposedly "trust".

I want to do things in life. there are two ways to be a part life, one is to exist, and one is to live. I want to live life to its fullest, and to do that, I must set my goals for the future. The toughest part is decieding what goals to set. I have been saving money like mad. When I make a decision, I will be ready right then, I don't know if i want time to talk myself out of it.

There are so many people in my life that will not understand at first, but that will be there problem until they figure it out, or until I take the time to explain it.

Thanks for everyones support. This means alot to me, and anyone else going through this. For now, I am going to start a fresh day that will be mistake free from the time I get up. What happens after that, no one knows.

-Jason

You may push me around, but you cannot win!
You may throw me down, but i'll rise again!

[Rhonda66 0]

What a great thread. I thought I was alone...and no one close to you ever wants to hear about the bad stuff because it's easier to just avoid it.

I was such a screw up during my young 20's and I'm still making up for it now. My grandfather died and that killed me and I broke up with a guy who was really good to me for nothing because I was depressed and didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I couldn't afford college, but I bought a stupid expensive sports car because I thought I had to prove something to the world and, of course, then I fell into massive debt. While I was moping, I met the guy I love more than anything in the world and I didn't even realize it because I was so busy feeling sorry for myself so I cheated on him with the ex I broke up with for no reason and we broke up for a while.

Then I went to a local community college and I swear that move saved me. I got my AA and the guy gave me another chance when he saw I was trying to get my life back in order and now we're married. We started jumping together and that gave me a confidence I never had before and since then I went on to get my BA from Wellesley and I'm learning to fly now. I'm still working to get my finances in order, but most of all I'm trying to watch how I treat other people and to just be happy with myself for who I am. I still hate the person I was when I was in my early twenties, but now, in my late twenties, I couldn't be happier - life seems to have a way of working itself out sometimes...I try not to have too many regrets because I learned so much from the mistakes I made about the kind of person I want to be...life is by no means perfect now, but at least I feel like I have some purpose and direction in life. Can't wait to get my MBA...

I think we've all been in your shoes at one point or another

Rhonda
PP ASEL

[ScratchTX 0]

One thing I'd like to add... I don't think these questions and uncertainties are things you ever grow out of, and I don't believe it will ever be "too late" to follow your heart, change paths, or go where your life calls you.
Sure, there are some genuine physical and circumstantial limitations as you get older, but that just means you have to do things differently -- not that you can't do them. Going to college at 32 was different than it would have been had I gone when I was 18, but I still did it. Traveling to Europe at 39 was different than it would have been had I gone when I was 25. Starting skydiving at 40 was different than if I had started at 22. Road trips now at 43 are indeed different than when I was 22. Changing my job now requires a different kind of thought than did my job changes at 21, 27, 31, and 40. But I can and do still do all those things when I want to. Having a house and a relationship of 17 years factors in differently, but it doesn't mean anything in and of itself.
It's always a little scary, sometimes very scary. But it gets more familiar and comfortable with time. It's sometimes euphoric, sometimes damn hard. Interests and priorities change. You never really know what is going to happen. But you are always right there, having to deal with it and make decisions unless you are dead... Sounds kind of like skydiving, eh?...
Thinking "I gotta do it/figure it out while I'm young because later it will be too hard/too late!" only makes it harder and scarier to make decisions because they seem soooo final and absolute. Do it now, whenever now is. Life is short, so eat dessert first -- but don't forget you'll be able to keep eating dessert as long as you are still able to eat!
The questions asked here, the uncertainty expressed about life and directions to take -- that's not something anyone has to grow out of. You never know the answers. That's the hard thing; I still get frustrated by that sometimes. And that's also the best thing; the thing that makes it all worthwhile.
You're never too old to yell "door," look, correct, and go. And you're never too young or old to decide you don't like your landing area and select an alternate. Unlike skydiving, there is less urgency in life about just when you have to figure it out. "Living" is just about the only thing on your "to do" list while you're here, right up until the end.
--Scratch