rhino 0 #1 March 18, 2002 ok fellow adrenalin junkies.. Cutaway issue? I have been dating a 28 year old high school teacher that lives about 60 miles from me here in Michigan. I get to see her once, maybe twice a week if I am lucky. Haven't seen her this week at all and she chose not to come see me this weekend. That's o.k. she wanted to spend time with her daughter as I did my son this weekend but a visit would have been nice. She is a year into the same type of divorce/custody issue I am going through so I have extra patience and understanding for her circumstance. I care for her a great deal. "She also has a daughter that was born on my birthday. She's a sweetie. 16 months old" It seems like an all give and no get back relationship. I understand she has a baby and doesn't have a whole lot of time to free up but she does have some time.. I don't feel I'm getting enough of it.. You know that neglected feeling you get sometimes.. I don't know.. Part of me says be patient the other part of me is saying cut away because life is too short to WAIT for someone to treat you like you treat them. She hasn't treated me bad, I just don't feel wanted all that much. She is like a rollercoaster.. One minute I'm wanted badly the next minute she needs space. My brain hurts.. I dropped my son off to the antichrist tonight and my head is racing.. Maybe I'm just venting.. Feel free to suggest at will.. Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheMarshMan1 0 #2 March 18, 2002 Ka-chink.......just my .01- and what I would do."If I could be like that, I would give anything, just to live one day, in those shoes..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 20 #3 March 18, 2002 Stick it out... It'll be worth itI wish you would step back from that ledge my friend... ~3EB Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallinWoman 1 #4 March 18, 2002 if she were the right girl for you, you would not be asking us advice....you would be with her. If the connection is strong, then people find a way to work past having children to take care of and jobs to work at....they find time for each other cuz that is what matters!I think you already know the answer....(your reserve will work.....it may take a bit of time, but something else will open up!)Anne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #5 March 18, 2002 I kind of have a feeling you might be right.. That's why I have stayed for this long.. I guess when skydiving season starts here in Michigan she will experience absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe that will flip the holy shit switch?Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheMarshMan1 0 #6 March 18, 2002 OK, I feel bad giving you a one-word answer. Here's my blurb of advice:I dated a girl that was an emotional roller coaster (and later train-wreck) once, and it almost brought me down with her. That would be my biggest reason for cutting away right there. You say your head is racing? Can you go to her to talk, or doesnt she seem to want to hear about it? If she doesnt, I'd cutaway. And of course, theres the important question- does she support your skydiving? If not, I'd cutaway. It may be easy to say, ah hell, just because she doesnt approve of one thing I do, doesnt mean I should end it- but think ahead...is she determined enough to get her way (you not jumping, or making you so guilty that you dont)? Or better yet- is she really worth giving up the sport you love? And, you're exactly right when you said: life is too short to wait for someone to treat you like you treat them. Yeah, maybe she just is going through a rough time- but maybe your whole relationship will be hurt by that. Its up to you man, but if you ask me, it sounds like she's not for you. Didn't mean to offend you at all by anything I said- just my advice/opinion. And Skyhawk's theory on opinions hits the nail right on the head. Good luck man. -Marsh"If I could be like that, I would give anything, just to live one day, in those shoes..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #7 March 18, 2002 Dump her like yesterdays newspaper!!! You don't need EXTRA drama in your life....."I only have a C license, so I don't know shit..right?"-Clay Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #8 March 18, 2002 Your not offending me my friend. If I was worried about that I wouldn't post here.. We talk alot actually.. She apologizes constantly for not giving as much as she gets.. She is in a bad situation dealing with an antichrist of her own so I understand.. There is the distance.. There is the baby.. But my son wasn't a hinderance like she makes her girl out to be? I guess I just keep it simpler that's all.. I WOULD NEVER give up skydiving for anyone.. I never will. That isn't an options.. She sais she supports my skydiving but we'll see.. She is going to have to go to the DZ on weekends to spend time with me when it warms up.. I am JUMPING MY ASS OFF THIS YEAR!!! My hand is on the handle.. I just want to make sure it's a good decision.. I am staying patient until my tank runs out of gas.. When that happens my self defense mechanism kicks in and I feel I'm being used and taken for granted.. That feeling is near.. I am hanging patiently.. I don't like it but I'm doing it..Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Billy 0 #9 March 18, 2002 Not ta bring up the "monthly moon cycle visitor",, but sometimes them ladies need some space,, if thats not a reason along with the rest ya can rule out,, then maybe ya can "just be friends"...can't have tooo many of them anyway,, and find a lady closer that is less stressfull ta be involved with,,, We know this is a difficult time for ya so good luck...Don't read this shit down here,, it's nonsense,,, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #10 March 18, 2002 It's emazing how so many different opinions can be accurate.. You people are the only damn family I have next to my son.. Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #11 March 18, 2002 Hey Bill how's the new house coming? Daughter? Did she jump?Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #12 March 18, 2002 Ok girls perspective.....All I can say is this isn't about distance, cause Derek and I have a 70 mile trip between us, and only see eachother one day a week + weekends. Sometimes things get in the way during the week or on weekends, but it's ok, we both understand. One thing you didn't say is how long this has been going on. If it's been a month or 2, there are 1001 things that could be going on. She might not trust that it is going to last, she might not really be ready for it to last.Maybe you need to back off on the bending over backwards for her. From what I read in another thread you maybe give to much and end up getting walked all over. Trust me there is definately a point when you can give to much, you can chase to hard, it actually ends up driving a woman away even if she does/did like you.Maybe you should do the same thing skystorm needs to do. Don't be in a relationship, give yourself time to be happy alone, to totally heal from your divorce/custody issue that was/is a major trauma in your life. Go out, get some new hobbies like indoor rock climbing that can be done all year round and to kill time during the week, meet some new people, read some good books.When you wake up in the morning and could careless whether you have someone else in your life, then you are ready to have someone in your life. Just becareful and stay away from the emotionally injured ones, cuase they aren't ready for you to be in their lives. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #13 March 18, 2002 "Maybe you need to back off on the bending over backwards for her." This is definitely a possibility. I told her yesterday I would call her in 3 days so she could have some space.. She damn near panicked.. So I don't know if she is actually taking me for granted. She is more doubting "herself" than me.. Not in a cheating way just in a general way she doubts herself.. Typical syndrome for a woman that has been treated like shit for 5 years.. She is wondering if I am real because I treat her SO much better than she has imagined possible."When you wake up in the morning and could careless whether you have someone else in your life, then you are ready to have someone in your life."Damn... I don't know if I would ever get to that point.. I don't think I ever have been actually..Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ltdiver 3 #14 March 18, 2002 Quote She damn near panicked.. So I don't know if she is actually taking me for granted. She is more doubting "herself" than me..Robert,All I can share, from another woman's perspective, is:1) Be patient (with both yourself and with her)2) Be completely honest with each other3) Don't play games.If things are really real, they will work themselves out with time.ltdiver__________________________________________http://www.discover.net/~ltdiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #15 March 18, 2002 Quote Damn... I don't know if I would ever get to that point.. I don't think I ever have been actually..It can happen, what is really odd though is that 2 months later I was dating Derek and now I can't immagine him not being in my life. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #16 March 18, 2002 1) Be patient (with both yourself and with her)2) Be completely honest with each other3) Don't play games.I have done exactly this with her..Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #17 March 18, 2002 You weren't really alone.. You had a dog.. lolI hate being alone.. Didn't you?Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #18 March 18, 2002 Quote You weren't really alone.. You had a dog.. lolummmm....Not really sure if she counts as more than maybe a 2 year old child Quote I hate being alone.. Didn't you?I used to, not anymore. But then again, I have lots of friends and I can skydive all year, so the only time I'm alone is at home at night and well I'm usually happy no one else is here so I can just relax. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Billy 0 #19 March 18, 2002 Well I tried!!Ta do that quote thing AggieDave told me about in another thread,,, still house hunting,, Daughter is looking forward to the Tucson/Eloy trip,, how old do they take up tandems there anybody know?? She gets her drivers license on Wednesday,, arrghh,, I don't consider 70 miles and 3 days a week seeing each other a long distance relationsip,, ya can live a lot closer an not see each other that much,, plenty of time for space and makes the seeing each other a lot easier,, My Sweety is a very passionate lady,, very accepting of the risks I take and has done a tandem despite being scared a heights,, we climb together, ( no she won't lead climb) ski, ride horses,, etc... so when she's a lil "off" I feel sometimes I did something,, but,, ok here's the catch,, if I tell her how I feel and we discuss it,, we get closer and understand things better,, an the really hard part for me is telling her how I feel,, must be a guy thing,,, OK,, now I'm a wussy part time geek... fuck ya!! never backed down from a shot a tequila and a good ol fashioned fist ta cuff kick ass!!... must be another guy thing,, Hope that helps,,,, ; )Don't read this shit down here,, it's nonsense,,, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ltdiver 3 #20 March 18, 2002 Quote I have done exactly this with her..Good man. Most people out there (men and women alike) can't seem to carry this out. You're a catch...ltdiver__________________________________________http://www.discover.net/~ltdiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleJumper 0 #21 March 18, 2002 "It seems like an all give and no get back relationship"Ok...long story short...since I am an attorney....I hear this all the time. She is certainly going through an identity crisis...she has to be #1 in her life. What you "think" you cannot do ...you CAN if you "think" about it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #22 March 18, 2002 So what are you saying? Recognize that she is #1 and support that? I already do with infinite understanding and patience.. I realize that I will become close to number one when she is ready for the to happen.. I haven't pressured her in any way.. Mostly support.. I went through and am still going through what she is experiencing.. Only I am 2 years into it and she is a less than a year into it.. What a sweetheart though.. I miss her terribly all the time.. She misses me too when she gets a break in the stress.. Sometimes I am that break. She vents to me because I encourage it.. I am a release for her in many ways.. There for her if you know what I mean. Semper Fi !!!!!http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #23 March 18, 2002 rhino, please take this the right way.I am not sure you know what you want yet (beyond what you are asking here, I mean). I can't put my fingr on it exactly, but there is something conflicting in what you're saying (no! I don't mean you're not telling the truth!). Just something (idon'tknowwhat)(icantsaywhatitis) that seems at odds with you - pushme/pull you kinda thing.I would venture to guess that when you know - really, in your heart know- you will also know what to do. I will also ask you what a very close person asked me: would you allow your best friend to be treated this way?You'll be alright - and so will she - whether it's together or not.Ciels and Pinks-MicheleIf you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...~enya~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Danhole 0 #24 March 18, 2002 blah blah blahdump her Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #25 March 18, 2002 I'm an opinionated person, so I'll give you mine. Hopefully you make the right decision for you regardless of what I or anyone else says. But, it sounds like you're uncertain about your relationship and you don't have any reason to not like her, you don't like the current situation. My suggestion would be to back off a bit. Cool down the relationship and see where that takes you. It could slowly build back to a more full time relationship or you could drift apart. But if that's what you're going to do, do it out in the open. Don't just leave things the way they are or you may either end up together unhappy or have a blow out. Tell her how you feel, take a month to be by yourself and think about things, then decide.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
