Pammi 0 #27 March 12, 2002 Sky, everyone's said it all. You deserve better, it's that simple. And you CAN have it. It's scary but worth it. You already have the upper hand in that you're not financially dependant upon him. Good luck!!Closing pin jewelry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 273 #28 March 12, 2002 QuoteI love him, but this is not working for me.That says it all. You are the most important person in your life. Cutaway. Like several people here told me just a week ago when I was dealing with the same kind of thing.... you are worth FAR better than him! And believe me, you'll be much happier alone than you are wondering what he's thinking, feeling, doing.... pull and flare,lisa--I'll be in the bar... you'll find me... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airann 1 #29 March 12, 2002 I have done this 100 times already...It wound up having to do with Self Esteem, and some other stuff. Your are a door mat. You are convienient. You provide for him. ...what was it you got again, Oh yeah.. 2 times he told you he loved you with the aid of drugs.... Heh.. I am thinkin that doesnt count ... Not for anything worthwild, anyway. (did you say 2 yrs?)I am really hoping you are a skydiver at this point!Start thinking how cool you can re-fix up your apmt for yourself happiness after he is OUT.. think of all the stuff you can do when you can not worry about him anymore, you should have tons of time when those thoughts are gone. ... Reroute thoughts to concentrate on you only. Nobody else.. You are the ONE. You jump from airpanes Right? This should be easy.. Same thing, 1st jump= scared, unsure of what will happen, thinking you will feel like you are falling and be out of control and die.Nope. Everything was great...Cut away from (maybe/maybe not) true love=... scared, unsure of what will happen, thinking you will be out of control and die.Same thing... not what you expect... it is going to be what you make it.YOU make it ok. YOU make it alright. Definately get a cat or dog. And get a cudley one. I have 3 dogs and the lap dog turns out to be the Great Dane, yeah... it is he who sits in lap.So the world is a freaky place. There are those who would love you SO MUCH more than that. Going for take out- you find him 3.5 hrs later at the bar. Not what he said he was going to do. He forgot where he was going or what? What did you do eat a sandwinch?Sister girl - this is unexceptable behavior. You are carring so much dead weight it is pathetic. Believe me I have done this a million times. Think of a plane in a nose dive with too much baggage. Get your chin UP. and get out of the dive. Make a life for your self by which you only see the clouds NOT what is beneath you.The hardest part is the initiation of the deal. If you dont know how to do this. Ask a close friend to get him out, then change the locks. Do not go to where he is. Avoid those places. Switch dz'z for a while and dont call him. Cut fully away and grieve for 5 minutes and walk the dog. Listen to Allenis Morriset, or Melissa Ethredge - (sp?) for a while and scream to the music. And get MAD. Baby steps... but first get him out of your life. Concentrate on NOT what would have been cool, cause it is NOT there. Think about what will be cool with Mr Next.You are already one of the coolest girls on the planet cause you skydive. If you are not a skydiver, become one. This will fix everything.Cause if you can jump out of an airplane, you can do anything. Ann ~ www.AirAnn.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #30 March 12, 2002 QuoteAnyone who wants to volunteer to come and kick his ass out of my apartment? *waving hand in air REALLY enthusiastically*QuoteWhy in the world do I let this happen?????Because we are girls, and God forbid anyone dislike us or not love us or think a single bad thought about us....How old are you? I used to do the same damn thing...three years with a guy who used to make sure every day that I knew I was stupid and worthless. At least he was reliable. I met him when I was 18.Get rid of his stupid ass, and be alone for a while. Date and stuff if you want, but don't let anyone move in with you or be your boyfriend. You've got some baaaad ways of looking at yourself that you need to work through. You are awesome. You are a skydiver. Smack that self-image for insulting you so.I'm now 25 and cynical as hell, and I like it that way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites crazymel 0 #31 March 12, 2002 It's all been said...all that I can add is I feel your pain....or rather, I know how scary it looks. Good luck!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Jessica 0 #32 March 12, 2002 Oh, and a reminder: You don't owe this guy a SINGLE FUCKING THING.Not an explanation, not a hug, nothing.Just tell him, "This isn't working. I want out." Then follow Chuckie's suggestions for getting him the hell out of the place you pay rent and he's been a blood-sucking remora for ages.Maybe later you can discuss things with him, but I bet he's pretty good at emotionally manipulating you, and you DON'T WANT TO GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY. Not now. Sorry chickie, this struck a nerve with me. It makes me so sad when we women let ourselves be treated like spittle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #33 March 12, 2002 RRAAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!! HISSS HISSS!! :) lolGet some!!!!Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #34 March 12, 2002 maybe people are right & its not good to get in a serious relationship right away..and maybe you need a change of scenery...might wanna consider flying away to, oh, I don't know, Maryland, USA or something & find some guy (maybe a scientist or something...) to have a meaningless fling with.........<>....Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites DZDale 0 #35 March 12, 2002 Either hes using you or hes not man enough to face up to his feelings - My opinion - Dump him, theres lots of guys out there who will give you what you want.Good luckDale Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skycat 0 #36 March 12, 2002 Actually my advice would be don't even go with the boytoy. That will only hurt your self-esteem more, you need to be very confident to do the boytoy thing and not get attached. You will only end up getting hurt when he decides that new blond tandem student would make a much better girltoy.If you need to be with someone/something get a puppy, especially one in the high engery needs lots of training category. (ie Australian Cattle Dog) You will be so busy trying to train it right and taking it to obidiance school you won't have time for the 2 legged dogs. Trust me the 4 legged dogs worship you alot more than the 2 and every time you feed them or play with them they think you are wonderful. Plus as a bonus you can put them on a leash, tie them to a tree and leave them while you jump, and you don't have to worry about them going anywhere. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PhillyKev 0 #37 March 12, 2002 Quoteevery time you feed them or play with them they think you are wonderful. Plus as a bonus you can put them on a leash, tie them to a tree...Hmmm, I must have 4 legs. The tieing up thing is ok, but you can't leave and go jump. cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SkyDekker 1,465 #38 March 12, 2002 Since I often seem to be the guy following a relationship like this, I will say the following. Get out, be single, maybe get some help raising your self-esteem and self-image. Then, most importantly, drop the "bad-boy-routine" from your "ideal-guy-wish-list"............SkyDekker"We cannot do great things, only small things with great love" Mother Theresa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #39 March 12, 2002 QuoteActually my advice would be don't even go with the boytoy<>Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Michele 1 #40 March 12, 2002 Hi, Skystorm - you have gotten great advice from the folks here. I wish I knew "then" what I know now....Without going into morbid detail, don't let your need for love be your weak spot. It should be your strong point. It was my weak spot, so someone treated me like shit for many years before deciding to leave (said decision made from a hospital bed, btw)...Yes, it is hard alone. But no harder than constant reinforcement that you are no good, not worth the time and consideration, not valued enough. How can you learn to value yourself with that kind of information being constantly sent to you? You can't.Get him out. Do as they say - without violence. Get his stuff into a truck for him, and then change the locks. And then cry - long, hard. Greive for yourself, for the relationship, for him. And then, get on with the business of finding out who you are, what makes you tick. Find out what you want in a man, and in a relationship. Discover who you are by yourself - you'll be surprised as to what you learn. I learned I had the courage to skydive. And if I could jump out of a plane, for chrimeny's sake, I could do just about anything, you know? And from there, learned I could write. And learned what I had to say was sometimes valued, and sometimes devalued, but it was always worth me saying it.You are worth the world. Find that out about yourself - you will find that out about yourself - and then find the man you want to share your wonderful world with. Women can be happy and complete without men, without relationships, without abuse. Find that out (hint: you already have), and you will find the relationship you should and deserve to have - loving, respectful, joyous, and free. It will contribute to you and not take from you. I am still looking for that relationship, but very content to be who I am all by myself right now.You are fine, Skystorm. You are worth the love and respect. You are totally excellent and kewl. Now just discover what the rest of us already know. And to judge by the numbers of responses and the tone, you can always come here for reassurance.Ciels and Pinks-MicheleIf you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...~enya~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airdrew20012001 0 #41 March 12, 2002 People have already said all the wise stuff. I say cut and run. Better yet, slowley remove all his prized belongings from the house one at a time. Act innocent when he notices them missing, " I dunno, you had it with you at the party the other night". Then move while he is out, leave no forwarding address. Either that or have Jeff Gallooly knee-cap him. Nobady deserves the sort of treatment you posted.Drewfus McDoofus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyinryan 0 #42 March 12, 2002 Okay this is from a guys perspective.Definatly cut away. Don't pull the reserve. One bit of advice is when you eventually do get back into a relationship is maybe stay away from the guys who really "excite" you. Go for the more stable type who you know have a job, want a relationship, ect....I guerentee the guy who is emotionally avilable will not be as exciting as the guy who just dosn't care, but only at first. Sounds cynical but these are observations I have made of female friends and ex-gf's. Of course I am single now so any relationship advice I give should be taken with A LOT of salt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites freebird 0 #43 March 12, 2002 I did the same thing because I knew he was terating me bad at the time. I will not put up with one second of bad treatment now. I would rather be alone than to have no peace in my life. We all really want peace. Find yourself, love yourself and leave those you know are too stupid to love you back.The longer you wait ........the more sense you get. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rhino 0 #44 March 12, 2002 The boytoy thing was a joke :) LOLBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites freefallfreak 0 #45 March 12, 2002 Skystorm,Both Chuck and airdrew had a couple of good ideas...as did most of the people here - and mine is probably not as smooth as the others, but if you are gonna follow the suggestions of airdrew, here is one that will work - substitute Nair for his shampoo...just empty the shampoo bottle and replace it with that stuff...lol. Then tell him he's getting too old for you and he has to leave. TripleF"If you have something vital and it's sincere, you can communicate." Butch Trucks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MrHixxx 0 #46 March 12, 2002 Exit stage left...If you love him in spite of all this. You better have a shrink check under the hood for ya. You just may be a little confused about what love is and runnin' a bit low on self worth... You paint a picture that your just a piece of ass to him... good luck, Hixxx"Sous ma tub, Dr. Suess ma tub" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #47 March 12, 2002 This all makes me think about the first really serious long term (almost 2 years) relationship I had. First time I was in love & kinda didn't know what I was doing & allowed myself to be well, whipped, quite frankly. Not proud of that but there it is. Towards the end I felt like I was running around trying to fix everything she kept bitching about...the harder I tried the bitchier she got....eventually I just broke up with her out of sheer exhaustion, yet I was so dumb about relationships that I figured I had failed, that I hadn't been good enough or worked hard enough. Almost a year after we broke up she started going with this guy who treated her like shit & wasn't even trying. Of course, she was absolutely NUTS about him and went out with him for like two years, even though she complained about the things he did... Took me a long time to sort all this shit out in my head but I just wished I had figured all this out about women & relationships earlier in my life & not had to go through such a long ordeal of learning by experience.Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sangiro 26 #48 March 12, 2002 Reguit praat van nog 'n Namibier? Dis tyd om te gaan. Stuur hom in sy moer. Jy kan beter doen.Safe swoopsSangiro Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BPO 0 #49 March 12, 2002 HeadHoncho!Afrikaans is een schitterende taal, man!(And I'm sure you can understand these dutch words?)Cheers! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rgoper 0 #50 March 12, 2002 i've been with my wife for 16, going on 17 years. either she's very strict, or my huevos aren't very big. (the truth is i know how to keep her off my tail) i wouldn't dare think of lying to my wife. it wouldn't be worth the despair. (plus, she knows how to shoot) i know guys, i know. (i'm the idiot that taught her) i'm gone away a lot on business, and she's by herself, so i did it as a means of her being able to protect her self. but anywho, back to your question, listen to an "old man" life's WAY YONDER too short to put up with out being happy, no matter what the cause, as far as steps to alleviation, i'm sure you'll work that out. good luck, best wishes.Richard"The Real Fun Comes At Deployment Time" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next Page 2 of 6 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. 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crazymel 0 #31 March 12, 2002 It's all been said...all that I can add is I feel your pain....or rather, I know how scary it looks. Good luck!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #32 March 12, 2002 Oh, and a reminder: You don't owe this guy a SINGLE FUCKING THING.Not an explanation, not a hug, nothing.Just tell him, "This isn't working. I want out." Then follow Chuckie's suggestions for getting him the hell out of the place you pay rent and he's been a blood-sucking remora for ages.Maybe later you can discuss things with him, but I bet he's pretty good at emotionally manipulating you, and you DON'T WANT TO GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY. Not now. Sorry chickie, this struck a nerve with me. It makes me so sad when we women let ourselves be treated like spittle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #33 March 12, 2002 RRAAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!! HISSS HISSS!! :) lolGet some!!!!Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #34 March 12, 2002 maybe people are right & its not good to get in a serious relationship right away..and maybe you need a change of scenery...might wanna consider flying away to, oh, I don't know, Maryland, USA or something & find some guy (maybe a scientist or something...) to have a meaningless fling with.........<>....Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DZDale 0 #35 March 12, 2002 Either hes using you or hes not man enough to face up to his feelings - My opinion - Dump him, theres lots of guys out there who will give you what you want.Good luckDale Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #36 March 12, 2002 Actually my advice would be don't even go with the boytoy. That will only hurt your self-esteem more, you need to be very confident to do the boytoy thing and not get attached. You will only end up getting hurt when he decides that new blond tandem student would make a much better girltoy.If you need to be with someone/something get a puppy, especially one in the high engery needs lots of training category. (ie Australian Cattle Dog) You will be so busy trying to train it right and taking it to obidiance school you won't have time for the 2 legged dogs. Trust me the 4 legged dogs worship you alot more than the 2 and every time you feed them or play with them they think you are wonderful. Plus as a bonus you can put them on a leash, tie them to a tree and leave them while you jump, and you don't have to worry about them going anywhere. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #37 March 12, 2002 Quoteevery time you feed them or play with them they think you are wonderful. Plus as a bonus you can put them on a leash, tie them to a tree...Hmmm, I must have 4 legs. The tieing up thing is ok, but you can't leave and go jump. cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,465 #38 March 12, 2002 Since I often seem to be the guy following a relationship like this, I will say the following. Get out, be single, maybe get some help raising your self-esteem and self-image. Then, most importantly, drop the "bad-boy-routine" from your "ideal-guy-wish-list"............SkyDekker"We cannot do great things, only small things with great love" Mother Theresa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #39 March 12, 2002 QuoteActually my advice would be don't even go with the boytoy<>Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #40 March 12, 2002 Hi, Skystorm - you have gotten great advice from the folks here. I wish I knew "then" what I know now....Without going into morbid detail, don't let your need for love be your weak spot. It should be your strong point. It was my weak spot, so someone treated me like shit for many years before deciding to leave (said decision made from a hospital bed, btw)...Yes, it is hard alone. But no harder than constant reinforcement that you are no good, not worth the time and consideration, not valued enough. How can you learn to value yourself with that kind of information being constantly sent to you? You can't.Get him out. Do as they say - without violence. Get his stuff into a truck for him, and then change the locks. And then cry - long, hard. Greive for yourself, for the relationship, for him. And then, get on with the business of finding out who you are, what makes you tick. Find out what you want in a man, and in a relationship. Discover who you are by yourself - you'll be surprised as to what you learn. I learned I had the courage to skydive. And if I could jump out of a plane, for chrimeny's sake, I could do just about anything, you know? And from there, learned I could write. And learned what I had to say was sometimes valued, and sometimes devalued, but it was always worth me saying it.You are worth the world. Find that out about yourself - you will find that out about yourself - and then find the man you want to share your wonderful world with. Women can be happy and complete without men, without relationships, without abuse. Find that out (hint: you already have), and you will find the relationship you should and deserve to have - loving, respectful, joyous, and free. It will contribute to you and not take from you. I am still looking for that relationship, but very content to be who I am all by myself right now.You are fine, Skystorm. You are worth the love and respect. You are totally excellent and kewl. Now just discover what the rest of us already know. And to judge by the numbers of responses and the tone, you can always come here for reassurance.Ciels and Pinks-MicheleIf you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...~enya~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdrew20012001 0 #41 March 12, 2002 People have already said all the wise stuff. I say cut and run. Better yet, slowley remove all his prized belongings from the house one at a time. Act innocent when he notices them missing, " I dunno, you had it with you at the party the other night". Then move while he is out, leave no forwarding address. Either that or have Jeff Gallooly knee-cap him. Nobady deserves the sort of treatment you posted.Drewfus McDoofus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyinryan 0 #42 March 12, 2002 Okay this is from a guys perspective.Definatly cut away. Don't pull the reserve. One bit of advice is when you eventually do get back into a relationship is maybe stay away from the guys who really "excite" you. Go for the more stable type who you know have a job, want a relationship, ect....I guerentee the guy who is emotionally avilable will not be as exciting as the guy who just dosn't care, but only at first. Sounds cynical but these are observations I have made of female friends and ex-gf's. Of course I am single now so any relationship advice I give should be taken with A LOT of salt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freebird 0 #43 March 12, 2002 I did the same thing because I knew he was terating me bad at the time. I will not put up with one second of bad treatment now. I would rather be alone than to have no peace in my life. We all really want peace. Find yourself, love yourself and leave those you know are too stupid to love you back.The longer you wait ........the more sense you get. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #44 March 12, 2002 The boytoy thing was a joke :) LOLBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefallfreak 0 #45 March 12, 2002 Skystorm,Both Chuck and airdrew had a couple of good ideas...as did most of the people here - and mine is probably not as smooth as the others, but if you are gonna follow the suggestions of airdrew, here is one that will work - substitute Nair for his shampoo...just empty the shampoo bottle and replace it with that stuff...lol. Then tell him he's getting too old for you and he has to leave. TripleF"If you have something vital and it's sincere, you can communicate." Butch Trucks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHixxx 0 #46 March 12, 2002 Exit stage left...If you love him in spite of all this. You better have a shrink check under the hood for ya. You just may be a little confused about what love is and runnin' a bit low on self worth... You paint a picture that your just a piece of ass to him... good luck, Hixxx"Sous ma tub, Dr. Suess ma tub" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #47 March 12, 2002 This all makes me think about the first really serious long term (almost 2 years) relationship I had. First time I was in love & kinda didn't know what I was doing & allowed myself to be well, whipped, quite frankly. Not proud of that but there it is. Towards the end I felt like I was running around trying to fix everything she kept bitching about...the harder I tried the bitchier she got....eventually I just broke up with her out of sheer exhaustion, yet I was so dumb about relationships that I figured I had failed, that I hadn't been good enough or worked hard enough. Almost a year after we broke up she started going with this guy who treated her like shit & wasn't even trying. Of course, she was absolutely NUTS about him and went out with him for like two years, even though she complained about the things he did... Took me a long time to sort all this shit out in my head but I just wished I had figured all this out about women & relationships earlier in my life & not had to go through such a long ordeal of learning by experience.Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sangiro 26 #48 March 12, 2002 Reguit praat van nog 'n Namibier? Dis tyd om te gaan. Stuur hom in sy moer. Jy kan beter doen.Safe swoopsSangiro Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BPO 0 #49 March 12, 2002 HeadHoncho!Afrikaans is een schitterende taal, man!(And I'm sure you can understand these dutch words?)Cheers! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #50 March 12, 2002 i've been with my wife for 16, going on 17 years. either she's very strict, or my huevos aren't very big. (the truth is i know how to keep her off my tail) i wouldn't dare think of lying to my wife. it wouldn't be worth the despair. (plus, she knows how to shoot) i know guys, i know. (i'm the idiot that taught her) i'm gone away a lot on business, and she's by herself, so i did it as a means of her being able to protect her self. but anywho, back to your question, listen to an "old man" life's WAY YONDER too short to put up with out being happy, no matter what the cause, as far as steps to alleviation, i'm sure you'll work that out. good luck, best wishes.Richard"The Real Fun Comes At Deployment Time" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
