rhino 0 #101 March 14, 2002 Cmmon... That's just the way he is??Let me tell you something... If he is the right man for you he shouldn't have to change.. You should love him the way he is if it is meant to be. He should treat you the way you want to be treated without you having to ask.. This WILL NOT WORK.. I'm just being honest. You already know what I am saying is true don't you? Trust your heart.. Sure you had good times with him and maybe it wasn't ALL bad.. Life is too short to have to convince someone to love you and to have to mold someone into the man you want. They have to be that person to begin with know what I mean. You can still be friends.. Hell you can still date if necessary, if you want? HE needs to get out of your house and you need your space and privacy.Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all right? So go find someone that will love you and not take you for granted. I know easier said than done but you will never find this person if you settle and quit looking..Cut away....RhinoBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazymel 0 #102 March 14, 2002 Sorry!!! Moerse besig by die werk vandag!!! Maar wat Rhino gese het!!! Sorry Girlfriend...(the English to follow is just because I'm scared of Medic....NOT!!) I know we should trust our gut feeling, but sometimes we think we want something so bad, that we actually listen to a "want" feeling, more than a gut feeling!! But Scratch is right, it is your life, but I really hope you realise love is suppose to be GOOD, it should make you feel good and fill your life with joy!! I can only tell you what I know, and trust me, my life is pretty much messed up too (Medic - u agree, right?) but I remember what true love should be like...yeah, sure it will have some ups & downs, but the ups faaaaaar outweigh the downs. It should come naturally - it shouldn't feel like you're giving up anything (although you do sacrifise - it's only natural...you are two individuals at the end of the day!!) But it should never make you feel bad about yourself or seem like work or hurt you. Girlfriend, there IS somebody out there that can make you feel like you own the world, that will treat you the way you deserve. And maybe I'm wrong (hell, look at my life!!!) but I do think you are making a mistake. I agree with Rhino - if you really still wanna see him, date him again. But remember that you are the most important person in your life, and we owe it to ourselves to be as happy as a pig in shit! If you can honestly tell yourself that this relationship is all you want from life and this is all the hapiness you want....then go for it. I received a mail from a friend of mine (living in Namibia) about the exact same subject...his words were harsh, but true. I wanted to be mad at him, but it made me realize how precious and short our time is. It is your decision, and if he makes you happy, then go for it!! But if he doesn't, cut away NOW....you don't realize how quickly the ground is appraching!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #103 March 14, 2002 FYI,I was in Berlin the day the wall went down.. I was on the wall with a sledge hammer taking it down myself with the rest of the people.. I came home with 40 lbs of the Berlin wall. I have 20 left.. lolBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottbre 0 #104 March 14, 2002 It's not coincidence that girls who date jerks, assholes, and abusive men keeping being drawn to and into relationships with those types of people. And it all comes down to self esteem and self worth.20 million bathtubs can't be wrong. . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #105 March 14, 2002 I have run into my share of female assholes also.. It's not just guys.. I agree with that about as much as I agree with all of the women's shelters but no battered men shelters. lolMen and women both make the same mistake.. cracks me up...Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cameramonkey 0 #106 March 14, 2002 Its late, but I'll toss in my two cents. Coming from a guy who has done it (not as bad as him, THANK GOD), he wont change. At least not while he is with you. Knowing from personal experience, the only way it will change is if he is left to his own devices, and gets dropped several times for the same offenses. Luckilly, many years and several relationships later, I am changed. If it werent for the string of relationships I would not have changed. I said I would, and tried for a while, but always went back to my old ways. It takes repeated major losses of women to even THINK about changing. I lost several wonderful women, and regret it. However, I am glad now that I was able to overcome it and not be such a butthead. Now I am on the other end of the spectrum... finishing last in the dating scene. (hopefully my current wuffo GF will tolerate the jumping)Cut him loose, and he MIGHT change eventually. HE WONT CHANGE FOR YOU. Even if he has done some good, what you explained in the original post was grounds for an immediate cut. I mean, he goes out to get food and goes to a bar? You cant get any more selfish and disrespectful. It might have been a little better had he not been doing something FOR YOU to start with (like running to the store to get some gum for himself), but disregarding your best interest to do what he wanted? I mean come on, at least get the food, go home, drop it off and run back out! I say dont listen to a word he says. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!! I told them I would change, but never really did. Maybe in several years, its possible that if you two are single again that you can try again. Now, I can confidently say if you stay with him, you are asking for trouble. PLEASE!!!!!! get rid of him. Just remember your gut feeling is what got you into this mess. Its time to start listening to your brain (and your freinds) and not your heart. There is only ONE way I will be the slightest bit happy that you stay with him. That is that you seek professional counselling TOGETHER and try to fix it that way. Without the help of a professional psychological type person, it wont get fixed. Besides, chances are the pro will tell you to dump his ass, because he isnt any good for you. Good luck,Gilligan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #107 March 14, 2002 Counseling won't work.. He has an ego and won't admit to any blame.Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #108 March 14, 2002 NOT true......Counseling MIGHT work, BUT only if he REALLy wants to make it work. AND wants to change things for himself NOT FOR YOU.... <-----would be BIG mistakegood luck and stay away from those vicious circlesMake up your own ending,let me know just how you feel.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cameramonkey 0 #109 March 14, 2002 Counseling won't work.. He has an ego and won't admit to any blame.------------Ok, ya caught me. my hidden purpose was to get a local, professional therapist to tell her in person what we have said.But at least she satisfies her need to give it another try, while getting her to do what we suggest. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cameramonkey 0 #110 March 14, 2002 One more thing, In the states we have a Radio personality, Dr. Laura schlessinger, that is a psycologist that seems to have her head on straight regarding relationships. I have heard good things about her books, and would recommend this one for you... http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060976497/qid=1016128872/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_67_2/002-8764329-5539230"10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" I am pretty confident that there will be a chapter dedicated to what we are discussing. In the interest of making sure I dont do something stupid in my current relationship, I am reading her book on relationships, and its pretty good. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #111 March 14, 2002 I wish you luck, but I have a feeling you'll be going through this turmoil again. He might change, for a while, but he'll go back to the way he was. "He told me that's the way he is. If something doesn't concern him or touch his feelings, it's not worth doing anything about it."That's a major indication that he'd basically a self centered person, and you sound like you want more than that. I have close friends that I hang out with weekly with that attitude. They're cool to hang out with but if I ever got in a jam and NEEDED a friend, they would be the last ones I called. I'd call a friend that I haven't seen in years that I know is a caring person. I feel bad for you that you're staying in a relationship with someone like that. He's not the one who needs to change, you do. You need to change your self image and see that you deserve better. And forget about counseling, no kids, no marriage, don't even bother. Yes, breaking up hurts, but there're lots of other people out there. And I'll say again, the fact that you let yourself be treated like this indicates to me that you need some time ALONE.My suggestion. Kick him to the curb but don't go out with anyone else. See what it's like being with YOU for awhile. After you do that, if he's still single and you still think you love him, then maybe start again, slow, and see how it goes. One conversation/ultimatum is not going to fix things.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottbre 0 #112 March 14, 2002 Two words:psychological masocism.20 million bathtubs can't be wrong. . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #113 March 14, 2002 Actually when my marriage was falling apart I read the book men are from mars, women are from venus. It really does give you some good insite on both men and women and why we react certain ways to things our partner does. I wouldn't say it's a good relationship book, but a very good book on the psychological aspects of the individuals in a relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #114 March 14, 2002 I thought The Art of War was a good book myself :)Blue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #115 March 14, 2002 QuoteHe might change, for a while, but he'll go back to the way he was. ^ EQUALS vicious circle.....When you get the feeling "Here we go again" (singing in my best ALice Cooper imitation) you're in oneMake up your own ending,let me know just how you feel.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wrightskyguy 1 #116 March 14, 2002 Why don't you try dating a grown-up? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #117 March 14, 2002 Hey hey hey now.. Be nice...Besides you won't be an adult for another few years... ;)lolBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #118 March 14, 2002 Scratch....I worked in Capetown.....decided I didn't like the Crime...and bailed to NZ...was only there about a month and 3 weeks.......as I told Mel..I loved the women there....ahhhh...Oh and Mel....you know your afraid of da medic.....marcBSBD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freebird 0 #119 March 14, 2002 Skycat..... you look too young to have been married.The longer you wait ........the more sense you get. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freebird 0 #120 March 14, 2002 Sometimes our financal situation puts us in places we are not sure of..........I wonder..........go with your deepest instincts. They are always right.........If you feel there is an element missing.....it surely may be....trust me.....I SHOULD KNOW:(The longer you wait ........the more sense you get. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #121 March 14, 2002 Yeah, I'm alot older than I look, I turn 28 in september. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #122 March 15, 2002 sounds lke you are with a real skydiver! i am more interested in hearing about the things you would not normally do for other boyfriends! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #123 March 15, 2002 Happiness does not come from without it comes from within.No one can make you happy, they can only contribute to it.Do not look for someone to "complete you" but rather to compliment your life.The question that I would pose is this.....why do people want to change others? Wouldn't it be better to modify behavior? I certainly don't want anyone that I love to change, or else they may not possess the qualities that I grew to love in the first place. People will only take advantage of you if YOU allow them to. I hope that you get all that you wish for, and we will all be here for you should the outcome be less than what you want. :)It only takes a little pixie dust...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #124 March 15, 2002 Well said Betsy....Make up your own ending,let me know just how you feel.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rogue108 0 #125 March 15, 2002 I'd ditch him. he sounds like loser, but old habits are hard to break. Its hard to let go especially when you want to feel wanted, but sometimes it has to get harder before it get easier. Chances he is going to continue walking all over you."I can see you but you can't see me. I'll never let you get away with skipping by me. And with all you built, it will crumble fast. While your still breaking hearts, I'm plotting a place to hide your bones." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
