Iflyme 0 #51 March 12, 2002 QuoteHe told me he loved me once when he was on ecstacyWell E has been shown to cause brain damage, so does that explain anything?"Men weren't meant to rideWith clouds between their knees"Five For Fighting Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #52 March 12, 2002 one comment....look red ...pull red.....chink!!!!!you dont need him if hes done that to ya.It's not the fall that kills you, it'ssudden deceleration syndrome. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sangiro 26 #53 March 12, 2002 Dit het sy wortels in jou taal, so ek kan verstaan dat jy daarvan hou. Dit is beslis 'n skitterende taal!Safe swoopsSangiro Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zennie 0 #54 March 12, 2002 Communication is everything. Most bad relationships are the result of poor/nonexistent communication. Just from what you've written it doesn't sound like he's terribly interested in that, even though you've tried.Being married for going on seven years, and been with the same person for 10, with many changes on both our parts in between, I'm here to tell you we would never have made it without both of us working terribly hard at cultivating our relationship. That means communicating and compromising. It also means sticking with it even when you're initial feeling is to say "Fuck it".Now in your case, you aren't married and you've only been together a year. You've sort of seen what he's all about and, quite frankly, I don't think he's interested in doing what needs to be done to maintain a relationship. So yeah a cutaway is in order.But, just understand, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even in the best relationships you'll have your share of fights. Just be discriminating of who you are getting involved with and what their attitudes about relationships are. Make sure they basically jibe with yours. Don't get too head-over-heels too fast. People always are on their best behavior when a relationship starts out. You don't see the "real" person until much later.Just my $0.02."Zero Tolerance: the politically correct term for zero thought, zero common sense." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #55 March 12, 2002 Hate to say it but I'm in the same boat as you at the moment so I should be listening to my own advice. My take on it is that I agree with zennie about working at it, but when the bad times seem to overwhelm and outnumber the good, then its time to call it a day and pull the shiny one.Good luck,D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zennie 0 #56 March 12, 2002 Quotewhen the bad times seem to overwhelm and outnumber the good, then its time to call it a day and pull the shiny oneAbsolutely. Nobody should stay in a one-way relationship. Heck that isn't even a relationship. Nor should one tolerate psychological or physical abuse.It's all dependent on circumstances, of course. My comments were more of a general lament with people today just giving up on relationships without ever really trying to work through the inevitable tough times. I don't think Skystorm's relationship is worth staying in. Sounds like he's pretty psychologically abusive. I'm just saying don't expect even the good ones not to be work."Zero Tolerance: the politically correct term for zero thought, zero common sense." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pammi 0 #57 March 12, 2002 QuoteOh, and a reminder: You don't owe this guy a SINGLE FUCKING THING.Not an explanation, not a hug, nothing.Great advice!! As soon as you let him think that there is any opening whatsoever, he's going to apologize, beg , or guilt you into letting him stay. Don't let him. It won't change. He's using you..why shouldn't he beg to stay...he's got it easy right now! I've been through it, something major and have friends who've been through it (one who is STILL with a loser who tells her how worthless and ugly she is while she supports HIM and has been doing so, unmarried because he won't marry her, for over 5 years!)Be strong. Get friends to help you have someone to talk to. Go jump, cross-stitch, whatever...stay busy so you don't think about it too much.Something new! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiventom 0 #58 March 12, 2002 I've been in a similar situation myself. There's lots'a good advice so far. I had to take a look at myself. I had to figure out what my moivations were. There is a good book called "Codependent No More" that deals with these things. I've never read it myself but have heard alot about it.Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sinkster 0 #59 March 12, 2002 No to sound bitter but I'm sure I'm not the only guy to notice that sometimes a girl is more responsive when they DON'T get treated with respect.In other words, nice guys usually finish last in the dating scene.Anyone else know what I'm talking about?"The greatest risk in life is to risk nothing; The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiventom 0 #60 March 12, 2002 I think I remember someting about that in a Psychology class I took about 20 years ago...... Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canopycudler 0 #61 March 13, 2002 QuoteIf you are not a skydiver, become one. This will fix everything.NOW THAT is an AWSOME SIG LINE!! (mind if i borrow it..heheListen to the advise you are getting here.. I agree with everyone 100% and question one thing you said.."I LOVE HIM".. reread your post about how awful the guy is.. do you love that? I beleive that you want to be loved.. as EVERYONE DOES ..and that really you do not LOVE him.. Take time to reinvent your self again.. remember the things that MAKES you happy.. DO NOT ever do anything JUST to please someone else.. a relationship is 100/100 not 50/50.. you give .. he gives and if he DON't GIVE.. CUT THE CORD!!Smile, girlfriend.. you'll make it.. you are stong and we're all here for ya!Busses here don't work. I am an asshole. ...Tina Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #62 March 13, 2002 QuoteNo to sound bitter but I'm sure I'm not the only guy to notice that sometimes a girl is more responsive when they DON'T get treated with respect.In other words, nice guys usually finish last in the dating scene.Anyone else know what I'm talking about?Can't agree more. It's pretty sad actually. Many's the time I've seen a female friend of mine pass over the nice guy for the ass hole. And many times I've seen a girl I was interested in do the same thing (meaning they went for the other guy, not me ). Boggles my mind. But I'd rather be alone then have to go out of my way to be a jerk.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #63 March 13, 2002 Personally I have a problem accepting from a woman in the same way that I give.. I am always trying to make her happy.. Sometimes I feel if I slip and get too much attention myself I am taking her for granted.. I guess we are all use to being treated like shit.RhinoBlue Skies and Smooth Rides!! http://www.aahit.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nissanmaniac 0 #64 March 13, 2002 Do you treat all your boyfriends this way ??? If you're looking for a new one lemme know ;-) . No seriously if you don't depend on him in any way quit NOW ! The longer you wait the worst it'll get... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #65 March 13, 2002 QuoteIn other words, nice guys usually finish last in the dating scene.Anyone else know what I'm talking about?well, yeah. see my post above. But now I've decided I'm no longer a "nice guy" in that sense...so I don't stress out as much now & its worked out a lot better...Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spy38W 0 #66 March 13, 2002 Quote In other words, nice guys usually finish last in the dating scene.Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #67 March 13, 2002 Well I think it's more that some guys aren't just nice, but are more doormats. I have a pretty bossy personality, and a guy that just rolls over for me drives me nuts. So they usually don't last very long with me. On the other hand one that will stand up for himself will gain major bonus points with me. You have heard the saying confidence is sexy, well it goes for both guys and girls.btw.....It's ok to tell me no, just as long as when it's all said and done you know I'm right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #68 March 13, 2002 ggrrrr tiger...grrrrrrrrr.....marcBSBD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #69 March 13, 2002 You guys!!!I came in early this morning to see what all of you has been telling me through out the night. I laughed out loud at some of your replies (at least I can laugh hey?) and started crying when I read others.I am a skydiver, I do jump out of dem planes. (btw he's also a skydiver...)Sangiro, dankie dat jy my in my eie taal antwoord. Dit beteken ongelooflik baie vir my.Michele (wiping of the tears) thanx....Speedracer, if you buy the ticket, I'll be on that plane!!And yeah, I do treat all my b/f like this. I like to spoil the man in my life. Sending him e-mails that I know would make him laugh, taking lunch to his office when he has to work, helping him pack, sponsor a night out, stuff like that.Now for how it went. It didn't.Last night as I was closing the shop on of the employees told me he had been waiting for me but left again. So I started walking home, taking a different route than usual. Just for a change of scenery. He must have gone home, thinking I'd be there all ready and when I wasn't he actually came looking for me. Something he's never done before. It didn't impress me.I got into the car without saying a word. We went to his parents house, I made dinner and we watched SA Pop Idols. Through all this the only conversation there was, was when he asked me if I've managed to get time off work next weekend. I told him flat out no.We went home, he got into bed and I stayed behind in a dark livingroom, listening to Alanis Morisette's new cd. I cried. For me, for him, for the good times and the bad, for our relationship. I got up smoked a ciggie and went to bed.Somewhere during the night he reached for me. I just turned away. My heart was breaking. I wanted so much turn into his arms, wanting him to tell me he loved me and that everything's gonna be all right.Instead I turned away.This morning he actually got up earlier than usual just to take me to work. That didn't impress me.I know myself. I'm gonna switch of every little switch by every little switch. It's gonna take some time. But I hope to get there in time to safe myself.I'll have to move towns again. This town is way to small. I'll bump into him around every corner. And my company is doing business with his company. We have to speak to each other daily. Someone gave the advice to switch dz's. So I have to move to another town to switch dz's.I've never met any of you in person. Still I feel that you are the only true friends to be found at this time.Thanks for sticking with me.Love ya all.SkystormHang onto Heaven, when hell is on your back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #70 March 13, 2002 I know it seems hard, but you really need to just make a clean break of it. It's kind of like taking a Band-Aid off, it doesn't hurt immediately as much as just ripping it off, but that small pain goes over a much longer amount of time when just ripping it off would have meant the pain was over and the healing can begin.As for him being everywhere.....well my X-husband and I worked for the same companies for the last 6 years. Went threw the separation, divorce and his re-marriage with him just down the hall. Even now he works for the company that is next door, I still see him all the time and we have been divorced 2 1/2 years now. Trust me after the first few months you just become numb to him being there, then you don't even notice him. As for him being at the DZ it will be hard at first, but trust me time does heal all wounds and you will be able to see him and laugh at what a fool he is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #71 March 13, 2002 You should have shot him like I told you<>Ok seriously though. No harm done, but be aware that this thing is not over. It cannot be over until it is dealt with.So when the pressure mounts, and it will, remember the advice you got on this forum. It is all good. Just be very aware that support from a bunch of people around the world will not fix your life, only you can do that.All we can offer is the assurance that you are not insane, this kind of shit happens to most people and you deserve better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazymel 0 #72 March 13, 2002 Pretty damn profound Scratch....ek raak bekommerd oor jou!!! Skystorm - as jy ooit sommer net wil chat - ek is hier. My werk e-mail adres is melanie.viljoen@fmcti.com Ek weet hoe jy voel....miskien kan ons mekaar help!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymedic 0 #73 March 13, 2002 Hey...what'd I say bout you SA's.......marcBSBD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #74 March 13, 2002 QuoteMy werk e-mail adres is melanie.viljoen@fmcti.com I actually understood that!!!!!!!!!! Whhhhhhhhhheeeeeee!!!!!!!!The rest of it is still a mystery, though...sigh...(hey, Skymedic, how you doooowin?)Ciels and Pinks-MicheleROFLMAO!If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...~enya~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VectorBoy 0 #75 March 13, 2002 Chrimeny's sake? You said chrimeny! There is NO chrimeny in skydiving Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
